


I Knew You Once

by therewillbesparkles



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Body Dysphoria, Bullying, Child Abuse, Depression, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Time Skips, Trans Female Character, Transphobia, first half is very depressing, second half is much more lighthearted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 09:38:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 57,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6369742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therewillbesparkles/pseuds/therewillbesparkles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is full of maybes. Maybe they weren't meant to be. Maybe Elsa would never know of Anna, the girl who really loved Elsa, instead of the awkward young man she thought was in love with her. It's not that Anna didn't wanna tell Elsa the truth, it's that Elsa wouldn't want to know. So maybe they weren't meant to be. Maybe in another, more honest life, they could have been. Maybe...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Out There, But Not

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Okay, so here's the deal.
> 
> This is my trans!Anna fic! It's been in the making since about mid-2014, just a little after I joined the Elsanna fandom, actually. I noticed there was a lot of trans!Elsa fics and headcanons going around the fandom and while I loved them, there was hardly anything for trans!Anna. So I thought I'd give it a shot. I've been working on it, refining it, trying to make it the best it can be.
> 
> Originally the story was rather different than what it's morphed into, but the general idea is the same: Anna coming to terms with her trans identity and all the struggles that come with it, including transphobia from her peers and family. It covers two different times of Anna's life and this first half, specifically, will deal with Anna as a closeted trans girl in high school. As such, it's very important to note: there will be times when people will refer to Anna with he/him pronouns and her deadname, as they do not know she is trans or, in some cases, they slip up. Some chapters will also be from Elsa's perspective, and during this time, the narrative will also be referring to Anna with he/him pronouns and her deadname, because, again, Elsa does not know.
> 
> I'm also warning you now: this fic deals with very dark themes, including heavy transphobia, dysphoria (gender, body, etc.), homophobia, child abuse, and self-harm/depression. Besides Anna's trans issues, Elsa herself also deals with some nasty internalized homophobia. So please tread carefully with this fic. I will of course put up any warnings ahead of time detailing what is in the chapter. I will also note ahead of time if a chapter is from Elsa's perspective so you will know if that particular chapter will have any deadnaming and misgendering in the narrative.
> 
> I also wanna make it clear that I, myself, am not a trans woman. I identify as a genderfluid woman, but am afab (assigned female at birth), and therefore do not personally know what exactly trans women go through. But I will do my best to portray the experiences of trans women accurately in this fic (tho I also realize that these experiences differ for each person, so what I write may be the case for some but not others). I've been talking with a few trans women, showing them my outlines and each chapter, to make sure that I get everything okay. I am doing my research when it comes to this fic. So again, I'm not a trans woman, I don't personally know what trans women go through, but I will do my absolute best at giving their lives, their experiences, and their struggles the respect they deserve in this fic. (And again, part of that respect means that there's going to be some very ugly, very depressing things covered in this fic.)
> 
> Alright, I think I've talked enough here. Hope you guys enjoy the fic! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Dysphoria, misgendering, deadnaming, shitty parents. If you think I've missed anything, please let me know.

**Chapter 1**

**Out There, But Not**

“... So.”

The boys didn’t move from their seats—they just looked at her, looked at each other, then back at her. By the looks on their faces, they didn’t _seem_ disgusted or even enraged. They just seemed... surprised, and Anna wasn’t sure what to make of that.

She fidgeted in her seat a little, tapping her fingers on the edge of the table. She considered taking another bite of her sandwich while waiting for a response but the world was spinning far too much for her liking, and the very thought of food twisted her stomach into knots. Sighing, Anna crossed her arms protectively across her chest and leaned back in her seat, fiddling with the drawstring of her hoodie in one hand while the other tapped rhythmically on her arm.

“Uh...” Kristoff was the first to break the silence. Clearing his throat, he leaned forward, dragging his tray of food closer to him as if to give his hands something to do. “How long have you, like…” He waved his hand around in a vague gesture. “How long have you been thinking about this?”

Anna shrugged. “Well, it's sort of always been a thought in my head, I guess. But um, I started looking up stuff about gender issues for the past few months, and… it just… _fit._ ”

Kristoff hummed thoughtfully. “That explains your birthday.”

Anna paled and shook her head, sliding down lower in her seat. “Please don't bring that up,” she muttered. She hated how her voice trembled.

Kristoff winced and rubbed the back of his neck. “Er, sorry about that.”

Anna looked between the two of them. “So… what, you guys are cool with it?”

Kristoff shrugged. “I mean, I'm cool with it. I'm sure Sven's cool with it.”

Sven nodded from where he sat in silence, looking out the window in thought. “I'm cool with it.”

“You're our friend, you could probably join a drug cartel and we'd be cool with it. But don't actually do that. That would be bad.”

Anna rolled her eyes but said nothing, sensing Kristoff had more to say. Sure enough, he cleared his throat and crossed his arms.

“I guess, well, for me personally, it's… kind of a shock, you know?” He sighed and shrugged. “I just, I don't know, I don't really get it, I guess.”

Anna’s heart dropped painfully to the pit of her chest. She swallowed thickly. _Oh, well then._

Her aching discomfort must have shown clearly on her face, because Kristoff immediately put his hands up. “But that doesn't mean I'm not cool with it, like I said! I just—I—fuck, Sven, can you help me out here?”

Sven seemed to be as much at a loss of words as Kristoff. He stared out the window for a few long moments before shrugging and shaking his head. But when Kristoff gave him an exasperated look, he sighed and said, “It’s not that we don’t accept it. It's just… kind of a shock to us.”

“I mean,” Kristoff suddenly blurted out, “we've known you since kindergarten. We've grown up together.”

“It's just gonna take us a while to wrap our heads around it.” Sven added.

“But, look, it's not a big deal.” Kristoff waved his hand, as if that would magically erase everything. “You're our friend and always will be. You're Anna to us now. No big deal.”

Kristoff started to eat, effectively ending the conversation, but then Sven suddenly shot forward.

“There's just one thing I need to ask.”

Anna blinked, caught off-guard, and by the look on Kristoff's face, he wasn’t sure what to expect, either. “Um, sure. What's up?”

“Now that you're, uh, a girl, I guess, do you… well, do you like boys?”

Anna scrunched up her nose. “No, I definitely still like girls.”

Sven raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because girls are pretty and boys are sweaty and gross.”

“Oh, okay.” Kristoff huffed, a look of mock hurt on his face. “I see how it is.”

“Hey bro,” Sven turned to him with a smirk on his face and Anna suppressed a giggle. “It's not his fault if you smell like a wet dog half the time.”

Anna winced and opened her mouth to correct Sven, but Kristoff spoke up before she could. “Well, it's not _my_ fault if Coach makes me run twice as much as the other guys!”

Anna sighed, watching their back and forth. As the conversation rather abruptly turned to school and sports, she couldn't fight the niggling feeling that they had done so on purpose. There was still a bit more that she wanted to say, but the way they were half-turned from her, amiably chatting… maybe it would be better to save it for another day.

 _At least they're okay with it, right? Sven didn't_ mean _to misgender me, right?_

Her stomach growled and she looked down at her tray of food. The earlier nausea had been replaced with absolute hunger and she quickly stuffed as big of a bite of her sandwich as she could fit into her mouth. She spent the next ten minutes otherwise preoccupied with eating, only occasionally paying attention to the boys' conversation.

Anna looked around the small restaurant as she continued to scarf her food down in the meantime.

It was bustling, full of students enjoying the final week of their summer break. She saw a lot of people from her school, a couple girls she even shared a few classes with, and a group of kids around Lukas' age talking excitedly over food and video games. A few tables were taken up by families or adults; one elderly man sat at a table occasionally sipping his coffee as he read his newspaper. Moms and noisy kids went in and out, cradling loads of food for family back home.

It all amounted to background noise, but loud enough that Anna could make her announcement to the boys without worrying about being overheard. She still panicked a little; so many people walking around, any one of them could have ventured close enough to overhear, despite how low they all kept their voices. She kept looking back and forth, expecting to see someone staring at her funny, but nobody even seemed to notice her. Anna breathed a sigh of a relief and stuffed the rest of her sandwich into her mouth, suddenly realizing that she was done with her food.

“Geez, Fi—Anna.” Kristoff spoke up, an amused smirk on his face. “The ladies will _really_ love that. You sure you aren't part vacuum cleaner?”

Anna rolled her eyes. “Oh haha. So funny. Never gets old.” She ignored their laughter but smiled all the same as she took her tray into her hands and stood. “I'll be right back.”

Making her way to the trashcan, she rounded a corner and noticed the two girls from her school nearby, throwing glances in her direction. She almost stumbled, her heart tearing straight through to her throat, her eyes widening, and she knew they noticed from the way one of them covered her mouth to hide a giggle.

 _Maybe it's nothing, Anna, just be cool._ She swallowed her panic down and reoriented herself, flashing them a smile as she passed. Both of the girls smiled back and waved hello. Anna felt her smile grow wider and the panic start to ebb away.

_See? They just recognize you from school. Everything's cool._

Anna dumped her trash into the trashcan before placing the empty tray on top, and turned, looking back across the restaurant to where Kristoff and Sven were seated. The way they were turned in towards each other sent her heart racing, a shiver of dread lining up along her spine as she crossed her arms over her chest.

She still wasn't entirely sure how they felt about it. Sure, they said they were okay with it and Anna had no reason to doubt them. She couldn't see Kristoff and Sven lying to her face, even if it was out of concern for her—well, okay, they _could_ lie to her if they thought it was better for her, but…

But it was like Kristoff said: they had been friends since kindergarten. And despite what Kristoff said, Anna believed him when he said she could join a drug cartel and they wouldn’t care. Hell, they’d probably join with her if it was something minor, like, weed or whatever.

The three of them had been through thick and thin together; Anna had come to see them as her _real_ brothers. She told them everything, vented to them about her parents, went to them when she needed a good cheering up. They didn’t always know what to say, and being… well, _boys_ , they weren’t always the best at knowing how to help, but they could at least distract her for the time being. And at school, Anna could expect them to always be at her side, ready to fight off any bullies. Mr. Oaken, their English literature teacher, had come to call them the Three Musketeers, and it was a fitting name for them.

On the other hand, knowing each other that long was bound to make this hard on all of them. They came to know and see her as somebody other than Anna. Anna was buried deep beneath the facade of the sullen little boy they grew up with, and she herself had struggled, grappled with this knowledge of herself all summer. Kristoff and Sven would always accept her, she knew this deep down, no matter what her anxiety whispered in her ear. It would just take them a while to reconcile who she was with who they had known her to be.

But they would get there, eventually… right?

Then again, a malevolent voice spoke in the back of her head, how could she be so sure? Maybe their love and care for her would drive them to lie to her face, just to make sure she was okay, just to keep from hurting her feelings. Worse yet, maybe that love and care wasn’t actually for her, but for _him,_ and the insidiousness of this misplaced love would grow to lead them to reject her. Sooner or later, the more they thought about it, the more they may realize they’re not actually okay with her, and they _don’t_ accept her, and they wanted nothing to do with her, and… and…

And this thinking was getting her nowhere and now she probably attracted a lot of attention just from standing there looking worried and sick next to the trashcan.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. _Good going, doofus._

A quick look around showed almost nobody was looking at her—except for the girls again. The blonde was sneaking looks over her shoulder in between theatrically whispering to the brunette, who kept glancing between her friend and Anna and whispering back, or rolling her eyes. Anna raised an eyebrow as she watched this, trying to decipher what exactly they were talking about. Nothing in their body language suggested anything malicious, but she couldn’t be certain unless—oh, oh the blonde girl was getting up now. Oh.

Oh no.

Anna uncrossed her arms, stuffing her hands in her pockets and straightening up. Her height never personally bothered her; she was quite happy about it, actually. But it was something that the boys from school—as well as her own brothers—liked to tease her about, so maybe if the girl thought she was taller than she actually was, it'd make things go… easier?

Whatever, it didn't matter. Anna just smiled, wide and lopsided, as the girl made her way over. She could spy the other girl sneaking glances at them. Anna chanced a glance at her own table and she almost rolled her eyes; Sven and Kristoff were utterly oblivious.

“Hi.” Anna's attention was drawn back to the girl approaching her. She was actually really pretty, with her blonde hair let down to her waist in waves and sparkling violet eyes. She was also taller than most girls Anna's age—taller than Anna, even, which she was happy to see.

Anna's smile widened even further. “Hey.”

The girl offered a shy smile, toying with the sleeves of her cardigan sweater. Anna watched her carefully. She opened her mouth to speak but the girl spoke before she could.

“You're Finn, right?”

Her heart dropped and a lump formed in her throat a her smile slipped. Just for the briefest of seconds, but still a second too long. She knew the girl noticed it, an apprehensive flicker in her narrowed eyes as Anna forced her smile back into place, but she trudged on.

“Uh, yeah. I'm Finn.” Anna cleared her throat and extended a hand in greeting. “Finn Solberg.”

The girl seemed a little shocked ( _How much did she notice?_ ), but quickly recovered and shook Anna's hand with a smile. “Aurora. But my friends call me Rose.”

Anna smiled, trying not to flinch back too much when she covered her chest with her arms. “So, uh, _Rose_ , then. That's a pretty name.”

Aurora smiled. “Thank you, it came from my mother.”

“Really? Is it her favorite flower?”

“Mine, actually.”

“Oh. Pretty. I'll have to remember that.”

Aurora's face lit up, her cheeks turning a bright pink shade and her eyebrows shooting up. Her mouth opened in a small “o” and she covered it with the back of her hand as a giggle broke through. The sound of it made Anna's smile widen, and the tension she felt eased up. She unfolded her arms and stuffed her hands in her pockets, feeling a bit more comfortable with herself.

And then Aurora said, “Finn's a pretty cool name, too.”

Cold dread poisoned her veins and Anna felt her heart drop again. It really couldn't be avoided. Aurora was only going to see her as Finn, a small lanky awkward boy, and not as Anna. It wasn't really something she could get angry at her for, it's not like she knew.

_If she knew, she wouldn't even be talking to me. She wouldn't see me as some cute boy to flirt with, she'd see me as—_

_A freak._

Anna forced on a smile as she leaned back against the wall and crossed her arms. “Sooo, you go to Arendelle High, right?”

Aurora giggled. “Good guess.”

Anna shrugged and offered a crooked smile. “I pride myself on my sleuthing skills. I mean, I _guess_ you could be from Carrboro, and you just happened to know who I am.” She narrowed her eyes conspiratorially. “Maybe you’re psychic.”

Aurora rolled her eyes, but her smile widened. “No, sorry to disappoint, but I’m not psychic. We had fourth period together last year.”

“Oh, yeah. Snoreville 101.” Anna rolled her eyes and Aurora groaned, but they shared a smile. “At least we're rid of that nonsense. You're a senior this year, right?”

Aurora nodded. “Yup, and you'll be a junior?”

“Yeah, two more years and then I'm finally out of that hellhole.”

Anna immediately regretted saying that as a dark frown crossed Aurora’s face. “Don't let the other boys get to you. They think they're so cool but they're all just a bunch of losers. So they can toss a ball around, big deal.”

Anna forced herself to smile. At least Aurora was trying to be nice. “I'm used to it,” she said, shrugging. “I have a lot of brothers.”

Aurora's eyes widened. “Your brothers treat you like that?”

Anna shrugged. “It's what brothers do. It doesn't really bother me, I'm tough enough to deal with it.”

Aurora's frown deepened and she looked… kinda sad? Anna leaned back and pretended to have her attention caught by something else, though she really just ended up staring at a blank space of a wall for half of a minute. She prayed her face wasn't as red as it felt.

“Where are you planning to go after school?”

Anna stumbled a bit as she turned back, eyebrow raised. The sudden subject change just about gave her whiplash. “Huh?”

“For college. I'm hoping to go to New York or maybe LA to pursue theater, though my parents don't seem to think that's a good idea. Liberal arts don't get you anywhere, you know?” Aurora rolled her eyes.

“Oh.” Anna cleared her throat and shrugged, running a hand through her hair. Aurora was watching her expectantly. “Uh, well, I haven't… really thought about it? Kristoff and Sven wanna go to the same college so I'll probably just go wherever they go.”

“Oh, friends of yours?”

“Yeah, the two guys over at the table by the window.” Anna nodded in their direction and Aurora looked over her shoulder to see.

“Oh, yeah,” Aurora said, suddenly much more interested. “I see you guys hang out a lot at school. They seem like cool guys.”

A sudden idea sparked in her head and she leaned forward, eager. “You and your friend wanna join us? We're just hanging out. They’re super cool guys, just gotta get to know them.” She lowered her voice then, as if passing on some kind of secret, “Between you and me, though, they _are_ kinda dense.” Anna shrugged, holding her hands up in a defeated gesture.

Aurora giggled. “Alright, I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Let me just ask my friend if she's cool with that.”

“Sure thing!”

Anna held her smile as Aurora left to speak with her friend, who was watching them with narrowed eyes, before quickly strutting over to where Kristoff and Sven were sitting, still completely oblivious as they laughed their asses off at some joke or whatever. Anna slapped her hands against the table to get their attention and bit back a laugh at how they jumped in their seats.

“Jesus, Fi—”

“I'm bringing girls over.”

They blinked. “What?”

“I'm doing you a solid and bringing girls over. So act cool and don't be a couple of dingbats.”

“We're not—”

“And the whole 'I'm a girl' thing?” She stared them down, a hard look in her eyes. They quickly quieted. “It stays between us, got it?”

“What? Of course it will!” Kristoff looked almost hurt. “Did you really think we were gonna tell anyone else?”

“Just clarifying. If the wrong person found out and told my parents…” Anna stopped, swallowing the rest of that sentence down. She really didn't want to think about that.

“Don't worry, Anna,” Sven nodded, his voice low and gentle. “We promise it'll stay between us.”

Anna smiled, turning as she heard the girls approaching. Aurora was all smiles, though her friend seemed a little more skeptical and on edge.

“Hey, Finn,” Aurora started as she approached him. “This is my friend, Belle.”

“Hey, Belle,” Anna offered a hand, smiling when Belle took it. “It's nice to meet you. I'm Finn,” Anna winced when her voice cracked, gesturing quickly to the boys, “And this is Kristoff and Sven, my friends. Guys, this is Aurora and Belle. They, uh, they go to Arendelle High, too.”

Kristoff and Sven said their “hey”s, nodding and waving but otherwise not getting up from their seats. Anna groaned and rolled her eyes.

“You guys are real charmers.”

Aurora giggled and Belle smiled. Kristoff grumbled something and sulked, whereas Sven could only offer a shrug.

Anna cleared her throat and gestured towards the empty seats. “Here, you two sit down.” She smiled as they thanked her and seated themselves, then snapped her fingers and pointed at Kristoff and Sven as she said, “I'm gonna go get another chair. Don't have too much fun without me.” She waggled her eyebrows when Sven barked a laugh and Kristoff groaned, before she turned away.

 _This is fine,_ she thought as she walked over to an empty table, resting her hands behind her head. _Let them have fun with the girls. I can just sort of play cheerleader on the sidelines. Or something, I guess._

Anna took a chair underneath her arm and walked back to the table, smiling when she saw her friends in a casual conversation with the girls.

_Yeah, this’ll be perfect._

* * *

 

“So you're a hockey player?”

Anna relaxed against the back of her chair with her hands resting behind her head, tipping her chair on its back legs. Kristoff and Sven had been chatting the girls up for the better part of the past half hour while Anna occasionally interjected with her own commentary. The girls seemed to appreciate her ridiculous sense of humor, but the more they expressed interest in her, the more she felt under a spotlight. While normally something that would make her day, she really just could not get it out of her head that—

_They only see me as Finn._

So she would do her best to steer the conversation back over to the boys, letting them gain the girls' attention for a change.

Kristoff looked up at Aurora when she asked this, confused. “Um… yeah, I am. Why?”

Aurora shrugged. “Just the guys our age usually play football or basketball, not _ice hockey._ It's interesting!”

Anna smirked. “Nah, that's just the popular guys. Kristoff is grade-A unpopular.” She gestured wildly with her arms, as if presenting Kristoff to an audience. “Ice hockey's his life!”

“Haha, very funny.”

“What about you, Finn?”

Anna looked over to Belle, who was giving her an appraising look. “What about me what?”

“What kind of sports do you do? Or do you do any?”

Anna shrugged, resting her hands behind her head again. “I play baseball with Sven.”

“Oh?” Belle looked to Sven, who nodded. “Why didn't you say anything earlier?”

Sven's eyes seemed to grow twice their size and Anna couldn't help but laugh. “Um… uh, I guess… I just didn't think about it?”

“S'okay, Sven, buddy. I know you're just jealous of my skills and want the spotlight for a change. We can't all be MVP.”

“Oh yeah,” Sven rolled his eyes. “The way you can hit three foul balls in a row is just _awe-inspiring._ ”

“Hey, at least I don't trip over my own shoelaces. You practically need me to tie your shoes for you.”

“I'm not the one who sprained his wrist trying to catch a fly ball.”

“Some day,” Anna started, leaning towards the girls in a stage whisper, “I'll have to tell you about how Sven hit the baseball so hard, he actually ended up tossing the bat into a nearby tree. Coach made him climb it and get it back. He got stuck up there for three hours.”

Everyone broke down into laughter. Sven narrowed his eyes at her as she leaned back, basking in her successful attempt at humiliating him. But then he smirked and leaned across the table towards the girls.

“Finn here has the highest honor a baseball teammate can have,” he said, a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. “Most coaches sent to the ER with a concussion in a single swing.”

Anna scowled as the girls gaped at her. “That only happened once, you _soggy pancake._ ”

Sven just shrugged and smiled. Aurora and Belle were giggling and Kristoff was practically choking on his own laughter, eyes red with tears. Anna growled and sulked in her chair. Her face flushed a deep red and she moved to pull her hood up over head.

“You know, you guys didn't really strike me as sports fanatics.”

Anna swallowed and pulled the hood further over her face.

“Oh, none of us really are.” Sven shrugged. “I mean, we like playing sports but it's just _one_ of the things we like.”

“What are some other things you guys like?”

“Video games.”

Aurora and Belle shared a look. Anna laughed.

“ _You guys are really winning them over, good job._ ”

“Oh!”

Anna looked over from Kristoff to Aurora, who was watching her with vested interest. The look in her eyes set Anna on edge. “Yes?”

“Are you Norwegian?”

“Oh… um, yeah. My family moved over here when I was about four. I don't… really remember it, but my parents still made sure to teach me the language.”

The twinkle in Aurora's eyes brightened and Anna spied Belle giving her friend a look. “We have a girl in our youth group who just moved over from Norway.”

“Oh, really?” Anna leaned back in her chair and shrugged. “That's cool.”

“Maybe you know her, Finn.”

Anna rolled her eyes at Kristoff's jest. “Yeah, didn't I tell you? I'm best friends with the Norwegian president, I know _everybody_ in Norway.”

Sven raised an eyebrow. “Doesn't Norway have a prime minister?”

“Nyeh,” Anna groaned and gestured vaguely. The girls laughed and Anna smirked. “I say potato, you say french fries. I say tomato, you say ketchup. It all comes down to the same thing. Basically.”

Before anyone could say anything else, Anna's phone buzzed in her jacket pocket. Her heart beat faster, dread rising as she tried as nonchalantly as possible to take her phone out and check the screen. As expected, it was her mother.

 **Mom:** Where are you? It's 5:30, dinner will be ready soon, and you have baseball practice tomorrow.

Anna kept her face neutral as she flipped the phone open to text her reply: _Hanging w/ Kris and Sven. Will be home soon._

Putting her phone away, she looked to the group as she got up and said, “Well, it's been fun, but I gotta head home. It'll be dinner soon, anyways.”

Aurora checked her watch and frowned. “It _is_ getting to be around that time, huh?”

Anna opened her mouth to respond but at that moment, her phone buzzed again. Anna couldn't even hold back her sigh this time as she fished her phone out and checked the screen.

 **Mom:** Come home now.

Anna rolled her eyes, quickly sending a reply of, _Okay Mom_ before putting her phone back and shrugging. “Yeah, and my mom always serves dinner at exactly 6:15, which means I have to be home before 6.” She gave a long-suffering sigh and hung her head. Aurora giggled but she noticed Belle watching her carefully.

“It's cool, bro,” Kristoff said, then sort of hesitated as he seemed to mull over his words. Anna raised an eyebrow and he finally just shrugged, holding out his hand for a fist bump. “We'll see each other tomorrow, yeah?”

“For sure,” Anna said with a smile, returning the fist bump.

“See you tomorrow at practice, Finn,” Sven said.

“See ya, Sven.” Anna turned and gave a low bow to Aurora and Belle, who both had amused looks on their faces. “It was nice meeting you ladies.”

Belle nodded. “Same here.”

Aurora smiled. “Nice to meet you, Finn. We should all hang out again sometime!”

Anna smiled back. “Sure thing! With school starting soon, maybe we’ll see more of each other.”

Aurora beamed, nodding enthusiastically, and that was that. Anna hesitated for a moment, staring at her shoes and contemplating her exit, thinking of the trek home and what might happen once she got there. Sighing, she quickly leaned over and grabbed her bag, throwing it over her shoulder.

“Well, guess I'm off.” She said, waving them off with a salute. Before turning away, Anna pointed at Kristoff and Sven with a snap of her fingers, slinking off with a wink and a wide smile as she said, “You kids have fun!”

The girls laughed and Sven winked back, giving her a thumbs up. Kristoff just sat there rolling his eyes, as usual. Anna watched as they returned to their own conversation before turning away and slipping out of the restaurant. She sighed, leaning against the side and pressing a thumb to the center of her forehead. She could already feel her energy phasing out.

Her phone buzzed again and she looked down at the screen. This text was from Lukas.

 **Lukas:** Mom's getting angry, so, you should probably hurry.

Anna scowled and punched in her response, _I literally just left, will be home soon._

Sighing, she pocketed her phone in her pants, rolling down the sleeves of her jacket and pulling the hood up and around her face. Stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jacket, Anna turned down the sidewalk and started walking home.

It was a lonely walk.

* * *

 

“I'm home.”

Anna shut the door behind her, discarding her shoes in the basket by the front. Before she could so much as move, however, a big bear-like creature bounded out of the living room and knocked her over.

“ _O_ _of—_ MAX!!”

Anna was pinned against the door as the Great Dane excitedly licked her face. Anna couldn't even make out anything other than a long tongue and brown hair. She futilely tried to push the dog away, but he refused to budge. “ _Ew, stop, down!_ Oh, gross, you smell.”

Max finally calmed down enough for her to stand—now covered in a fresh coat of dog slobber and hair—but immediately started barking up a storm, tail wagging so hard it kept whacking Anna’s legs.

“ _Ow!_ Max, calm down! Geez, your tail could cause blunt force trauma.”

Max barked once and then sat, tail wagging affectionately. Even sitting, the dog's head almost reached her chest. Anna groaned and wiped her face with the sleeve of her jacket. _Great, now my jacket's even filthier._

Patting Max affectionately behind the ears, Anna walked down the foyer and into the living room. She could hear her mother in the kitchen, making dinner, and her father was reclined in his chair, watching a football game as usual. He didn't move a muscle, didn't so much as turn his head or a grunt out a “hello,” as if Anna wasn't even there. She took another step forward and stood there for a good ten seconds, waiting for a reaction, but got nothing.

Anna considered her options, trying to determine if she wanted to risk it or not. Taking a breath, she put on a smile and waved as she called out, “Hey, Dad, how's the game?”

She could have just looked at the tv if she really cared to know, but she was hoping for a response of some kind. He looked in her direction, then back at the tv. “It's going good.”

“Uh… is your team winning?”

“Yup.”

Silence followed after that. Her father took a sip of his beer, eyes still on the tv. Anna stood there, tapping her fingers against her legs absentmindedly for a few moments before nodding.

“Good talk, Dad.”

Anna turned around to leave, but had barely taken a step when a voice rang through the house.

“ _Finn!_ ”

She flinched, her whole body tensing. Fist clenched, she tried not to look too stricken as her mother appeared from behind the corner and stared her down. Anna smiled and waved.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Where were you?”

Anna looked up at the ceiling, as if thinking about it. “Um, well, Kris and Sven wanted to play Smash Bros, so mostly just been at Kris' place, and then we got hungry so we went downtown for sandwiches—”

“You _ate_ before dinner?”

Anna bit her lip. Oops, that was the wrong thing to say.

Her mother had a look like Anna had personally offended her, arms crossed as she waited for an explanation. Her father sighed from his place on the couch, mumbling under his breath as he turned the tv up louder. Anna resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“Just a small ham and cheese sandwich. Something that would hold me over for a while.” She shrugged. “I was hungry.”

Her mother’s stare hardened and she pointed an accusatory finger at Anna. “You know you have a strict diet to adhere to. If your performance in baseball—”

“It'll be _fine_ , Mom,” Anna groaned, and this time she _did_ roll her eyes. “I'm not gonna suddenly suck at baseball because I ate _one_ extra sandwich.”

“Don't talk to me like that. It's important you do well in baseball. You want a scholarship, don't you? You wanna risk all that just because you couldn't be bothered to go fifteen minutes without food?”

Anna ran a hand through her hair, mumbling, “It was a bit longer than fifteen minutes, actually…”

“ _Excuse you?_ ”

Her mother's voice became shrill and Anna flinched. There was a tense moment where nobody said anything, but before Anna could even think of a response, a small wailing sound came from the baby pen in the corner of the living room. Anna sighed. Peter had woken up.

Her mother sighed and threw up her arms. “Now look what you've done.”

Anna glared at her mother out of the corner of her eye but said nothing, watching as she quickly walked over to the baby pen. She picked the baby up gingerly, shushing him as she cradled him and rocked him back and forth.

“ _Hey now,_ ” she cooed to the baby in a soft voice Anna still wasn't used to hearing. “ _No more tears, everything's okay._ ”

Anna glowered at her mother's back, her chest and throat tight. Angry words balanced on the tip of her tongue, but she took a harsh breath and crossed her arms, choosing to stare at her shoes instead. Her mother continued to try to comfort Peter, and Peter continued to scream his head off, and Anna continued to try to ignore them both. She heard an agitated sigh from her father and the tv volume became louder. Peter's wailing grew in intensity and Anna pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Honestly, Ed,” her mother sighed, throwing her father a look that went completely ignored. Suddenly she turned and Anna found herself being offered a screaming baby. “Here, hold your brother.”

“Me?” Anna panicked as she was forcefully given the baby. Her mother promptly stalked off into the kitchen and she desperately followed her. “Mom, I'm covered head to toe in dog hair.”

“Well, whose fault is that?”

Anna raised an eyebrow and gave her a look. Luckily, her back was turned. “Um… nobody's?”

“Well, I have to finish cooking. It won't kill you to hold him for five minutes.”

Anna struggled with words, but Peter’s screaming made it hard to think. Her mother had resumed cooking and Anna groaned, walking back out to the living room. She walked up to the couch, looking to her dad for help, but he wasn't even looking at her. He was leaning forward, intent on the game.

“Dad, wanna lend a hand?”

“Dammit,” he scowled. “That was an easy block. What was the defense thinking?”

Anna sighed. Peter was screaming in her face. Cradling him with her right arm in an attempt to keep her dirty left sleeve away from him, she walked out into the foyer and away from the blaring tv. Gently, albeit desperately, she began to walk back and forth.

“ _Hey, Pete,_ ” she said, wincing as his shrieking rose in pitch. “ _C'mon buddy, no need to cry._ ”

Anna did her best to comfort her baby brother, but five minutes of gentle rocking, walking up and down the foyer, and cooing and humming didn't show much of a change, other than her arms and back getting sore. Peter continued to cry and Anna was losing her patience. Just when she was about ready to call it quits and beg her mother to take him back, the woman came bounding around the corner and storming up to them.

“Here, just give him to me.” She scooped the baby out of Anna's arms and began to rock him back and forth. Anna barely held back her sigh of relief, wincing as she felt her shoulder crack as she stretched out her arm. She loved her baby brother… but not enough to willingly deal with his screaming.

“Now go upstairs and get ready for dinner.” Her mother added, giving Anna a look-over. Her face twisted in disgust. “You're a mess.”

Anna's entire body tensed and she fought back a glare. “Yeah, as I said, the dog kind of ambushed me.”

“Put the dog out. I won't have it dirtying anyone else up before dinner.”

“Okay, Mom.” Anna took Max by the collar and did her best to lead him to the back door. He immediately figured out what was happening, however, and resisted greatly.

“Max, c'mon, it's dinner time and you gotta— _go._ ” Anna struggled but eventually got him out the door. He turned around and whined, tail tucked and head hanging low. Anna smiled sadly. “I'll let you in after dinner, boy, promise.”

As soon as she shut and locked the sliding glass door, her mother's voice rang out again, “Shower, Finn!”

Anna sighed. “I know, Mom.”

“And let Bard and Lukas know to get ready, too.”

“Okay, Mom.”

Anna raced up the stairs, two at a time, before reaching the hall and crossing over to her brothers' bedroom door. She knocked on the door once.

“Hey dorks, dinner's almost ready.”

Without waiting for a response, Anna turned and entered her own room. Closing the door behind her, she sighed and let herself breathe for a moment. Her head throbbed and her chest pounded. She absentmindedly realized her hand was hurting from how tightly she clenched it and she let it relax. Anna sighed and opened her eyes after a minute or two, straightening and taking a look around her room.

Apart from the baseball posters, she felt it was an honest reflection of herself and her interests. It wasn't… dirty, really, but it was definitely cluttered. Her bed wasn't made and what clothes _weren't_ piled on her desk chair were dropped on the floor at random. She would probably have to put it all away that night if she didn’t want her mother screaming at her.

Her tv was set up against the wall next to the bedroom door, along with her PS2, GameCube, and a shelf of video games, card games, and board games. A bean bag chair took up most of the center of the room, one of her controllers left discarded next to it. Her desk was pushed into the corner across from her bed, underneath the gaming and anime posters she displayed defiantly against her parents’ tastes. Another shelf full of thick fantasy and sci-fi books stood beside it and her laptop placed atop the desk next to a rather disorganized pile of notebooks and sketchpads, full of writing and drawings she kept tucked away.

In the corner next to her closet, her skateboard was propped up against the wall, along with her baseball bag.Her baseball stuff was just about all she really ever made sure _wasn't_ lying out in the open. It happened once, and the consequences were severe enough, her heart started racing just thinking about it.

If it was up to her, Anna would have just crawled into bed and slept for the rest of the day. A minute of time spent in her house felt exhausting enough to warrant an eight-hour nap, even if most of her time home was spent in her room. Her mother was always on edge, her brother was a little shit, and nobody was ever satisfied with anything. The air lay thick with tension all the time, constantly on the verge of breaking, and it often did. Usually directed at her. Not always, but usually.

But if she wasted anymore time standing there, there would be hell to pay for it later. and she really didn't wanna be covered in dog spit and dog hair for longer than she had already, anyways. A shower was sorely needed.

Sighing, Anna tossed her bag onto her bed. She rummaged about in her closet for some clean clothes, pulling out jeans and a simple white t-shirt, before walking away and opening her door to head for the bathroom.

Her brothers' bedroom door slammed opened and a figure dashed out in a blur. Anna cursed and threw herself forward, body-slamming her brother into the bathroom door before grabbing him by the collar and pushing him out of the way.

“Leave, gremlin.”

“Cheater!” Lukas twisted around and tried to reach for her chest in an obvious attempt at a purple nurple, but Anna shoved him away. “I had that bathroom fair and square!”

“Too bad, so sad, write a song about it.”

“But you take too long!”

“I'm also covered in dog germs.” She gave her glaring brother a salute and a wide, shit-eating grin before disappearing behind the bathroom door and locking it.

Anna appreciated the silence of the bathroom for a few solid seconds before walking over to the shower and turning the water on, pulling the lever out to as hot as possible. Waiting for the water to heat up, she quickly shed her jacket, shirt, and jeans, before tossing them in the hamper. She stood there in her boxers, looking up into the mirror and giving her reflection a wary glance.

If she had to be honest with herself, she didn't _hate_ her body. Not fully, anyways. She was a good size: the right height—not too tall, not too short—and lean rather than bulky. And she was well-toned, not overtly muscular, and well… she had abs. She saw plenty of pictures of attractive girls with her kind of body. And pictures of really muscular girls, too, so the muscles weren't really a thing she worried about.

And girls with abs were hot. So there.

But that didn't distract her from everything else: the lack of breasts in particular, the sight of which she scowled at and quickly crossed her arms in front of her chest. The farther up she looked, the more she felt uneasy. The boys at school could tease her all day for her “pretty boy” looks and her “baby face” but it didn't make her face look any girlier to her. It just made her look like, well, a pretty boy. Like the lead singer in a boy band or something.

The very thought made her scowl deepen. Just another brand of masculinity she didn't belong to, _couldn't_ belong to. She was thankful at least for the barely-there facial hair, but it still stuck out to her eyes, even with how thorough she had been with shaving lately. The short-cropped hair made her run her fingers through it, itching to feel waves of gorgeous red locks run through her fingers. Girls had short hair, even looked beautiful with short hair. But it wasn't what she wanted.

She thought back to Aurora and Belle, their long flowing hair and dainty walks, and she sighed.

Anna finally moved after what must have been an hour, or she felt like she moved. She was displaced, numb, and disoriented. Part of her wasn't quite sure it was her body she was moving, or if she was even moving it. She waved her right hand in front of her face, watched her fingers flex, but it felt distant and uncontrolled. She had already taken off her boxers she realized; they hung from her hand and she quickly dropped them onto the floor, ignoring them as she finally entered the shower. The scalding hot water tearing away at her skin felt comforting somehow. It helped to place her in this time and space.

Then again, she wasn't really sure she wanted that.

Anna sighed and grabbed a bar of soap. “I wonder how the guys have been doing with Aurora and Belle, or if they're even still hanging out.”

She went over a dozen different scenarios, each one more embarrassing and ludicrous than the last, and found herself laughing at the silly images. She loved her friends, but they _were_ kind of dumb when it came to dating girls. Or flirting with them even. Sven was a bit better than Kristoff, at least. But somehow she couldn't find either of the girls they were with particularly _falling_ for them.

Still, they were good guys and she wanted to see them happy. It would be nice if they had someone of the fairer sex that they _could_ actually date. Not that she thought they would even _want_ to date her, regardless of if they could see past her physical body or their memories of her as Finn. They were all strictly friends and she couldn't imagine or even understand a scenario where they could see her as anything else.

 _Besides,_ she thought as she rubbed the soap into her skin, _I like girls. So unless we_ all _were trans girls, I wouldn't even consider—_

Wait. Anna stopped, soap on her hands and the burning water washing over her face. She stood there, blinking, as her mind played back her thoughts.

If she was a girl—which she was—and she liked girls—which she did—then did that mean…?

“Holy shit,” she hissed, and her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach like a rock.

“I'm fucking gay, too, aren't I?”


	2. All Your Pretending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Dysphoria, misgendering, deadnaming, bullying, homophobia, child abuse.

**Chapter Two**

**All Your Pretending**

“How'd it go with Belle and Aurora last night?”

Anna had her baseball bag over one shoulder, walking side-by-side with Sven. The rest of the team was farther up ahead, or already in the dugout. She could see the coaches looking over something.

Sven shrugged. “It went fine. We got their numbers.”

Anna waggled her eyebrows and nudged him with her elbow. “Nice!”

Sven laughed. “I don't know, they're cute. I think Kristoff's into Aurora.”

“So… you and Belle?”

Sven shrugged. “Maybe. I don't know.”

Anna nodded. Sven was trying to play it cool, but she could see the smile he tried to hide. Oh yeah, boy was smitten.

“What about you, Finn?” He cringed and looked around to see if anybody could hear, then continued in a quieter voice. “I mean, uh, Anna. What do you think? You seemed like you were kinda into them. And Aurora's definitely your type.”

Anna sighed and hung her head. “They're cute, and they seem nice. But… well, when I was talking with Aurora I just… I just felt too awkward. I couldn't get over the thought that she could only see me as… as a boy.” She shook her head. “It just… it didn't feel right.”

Sven nodded. They were both silent for a while before he spoke up again. “You know, any girl who dates you right now is only gonna see you as a boy.”

Anna felt her stomach turn at the idea. She swallowed down a lump in her throat and twisted her fingers back and forth. “S-so what? Should I just… not date until college? Because that's the closest time I can think of when I can finally come out.”

Two years. Anna was stuck for a good two years living a lie she didn't wanna tell. She got lost in this thought for so long, she thought she had missed Sven's response. When she looked at him, his face was twisted up in conflict.

“Sven?”

He sighed and shrugged. “I honestly don't know. I think this is one of those things where… you'll have to find someone else to help you. Or come to a decision on your own.”

_Oh good, no pressure then._

Anna suddenly felt very dizzy.

They walked the rest of the way to the dugout in silence. The rest of the team mostly ignored them, chatting with each other as if they weren't there. A few sniggers followed her, but she paid them no mind as she entered the dugout and put her bag away. She leaned over and got her glove and baseball, zipping up her bag when someone suddenly snatched her baseball out of her hand.

“Hey!” She whipped around to grab it back but it was held high above her head, out of her reach. “Give me my ball back, Vincent!”

The tall boy smiled wickedly and laughed. “Did you guys hear that?” he asked, turning back around. “He wants his ball back.”

The other boys laughed. One of the younger boys on the team called out, “Just the one? What happened to the other?”

The whole team laughed harder. Anna felt her face flush red hot, a stinging pain swelling in her eyes. She clenched her fist tight to abate the ache in her chest.

Vincent turned back to her and his smile widened. “You want it back?” He held the baseball up even higher. “Work for it. C'mon, Finn, you can do it!”

Anna fought the tears back as the other boys continued to howl in laughter, jeering and taunting her on. There was no way she could reach the ball on her own, and she wasn't about to try. Short of kicking the asshole in the shins, she wasn't sure _what_ to do.

But it turned out she didn't have to do anything, as Sven came up behind Vincent and quickly snatched the baseball out of his hand before shouldering past him and handing it back to Anna.

“Here you go.”

Anna swallowed hard as she took the baseball from Sven, nodding. “Thanks,” she mumbled.

Sven turned around and glared at Vincent. “Leave him alone, Vincent.”

Vincent turned to Anna and put on a fake pout. “Aww, is your big, tough boyfriend gonna save you from the mean, scary bullies?”

Sven shoved Vincent. “I said, leave him _alone._ ”

“Aww, c'mon, Sven, why you gotta be such a downer? We're just trying to have fun, right Finn, buddy?”

Anna glared up at him. Vincent smiled and winked back, puckering his lips and making a kissing noise. Sven narrowed his eyes.

“You know, Vincent, you seem like the kind of guy that would like something long and thick shoved up your ass.”

There was a stinging silence that followed. The ache in Anna’s chest returned, icy cold and constricting, as she turned to her friend in stunned disbelief. Sven just stood there, looking smug.

Anna struggled for some kind of thought process, but hurt and panic settled in as a low fog in her mind, words slipping away. She looked to the other boys instead, all with equally shocked looks on their faces. Vincent towered over them with an ugly scowl twisting his face, his fists clenched, and Anna prepared herself for the worst.

“Hey!” Coach yelled out, and everyone jumped. “You boys gonna stay in there all day chit-chatting? Let's get ready to play some ball! Line up single-file!”

The boys all quickly filed out of the dugout, murmuring to each other. Vincent sent one last glare at Sven and Anna before taking his glove and baseball and stomping outside. Before Sven could leave, Anna grabbed him by the arm.

“Why'd you have to go and say that?”

Sven looked at her, eyebrow raised. “What? I didn't mean it. I was just giving him a taste of his own medicine.” He scowled. “Dude can dish it out but he can't take it.”

“I know, but… we shouldn't lower ourselves to his level. You could have just said you wanted to shove a bat up his ass instead.”

Sven shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “I was thinking of a bat anyways. C'mon, let's go before Coach yells at us again.”

Anna sighed, but said nothing else as she followed him out onto the field.

Warm-ups were the same old story. Everyone left Anna alone for the most part, but she would still find herself tripped, shoved, and elbowed—all usually subtle enough so the coaches couldn't tell what was going on. The assistant coach did catch Vincent kneeing her in the backside and promptly sent him running laps, something she managed to get a good smile out of. That is, until Vincent rounded past them on the first lap and kicked some dirt directly into Anna. She tried to stay as far away from the bases as possible after that.

She was often paired up with a boy named Emmanuel, one of the few boys on the team who didn't piss her off in some way. He seemed indifferent to her, and while he never stood up for her, he never participated in any bullying either. As if he found the whole thing to be below himself. She wasn't sure really if she was comfortable around him, but she took solace in the fact that she didn't have to worry too much about what he thought. He was more focused on baseball than anything else, which was fine with her.

This time, though, she was paired with Vincent. Dread iced over in her veins, but she swallowed her complaint down. Vincent smirked and winked at her, and she rolled her eyes, but apart from that, things went as normal. Anna was starting to think maybe he wouldn't act up for once.

And then he tossed the ball straight at her face.

Anna barely ducked in time, her whole body twisting in a quick and fluid motion as the ball soared over her. Her heart was beating fast and she felt her breath catch in her lungs. She straightened up and stared at Vincent. His eyes were wide; if anything, he seemed kind of impressed.

“ _Vincent!_ What the hell was that?”

Vincent shrugged. “Sorry, Coach, I thought Finn was shorter than that.”

Stifled laughter could be heard from almost everyone. Anna gave Sven a look, who only shrugged and rolled his eyes. Coach sighed and shook his head.

“Alright, Finn, pick the damn baseball up and toss it back. Vincent, _try_ to behave.”

“Yes, Coach.”

Anna turned to fetch the ball. As she walked up to it, she heard Coach call out, “Nice reflexes, though, Finn.”

Sven laughed. “Maybe we should call him Neo from now on.”

Anna glared at Sven and gestured with her hand to cut it out. While the coaches and some of the boys seemed to appreciate his humor, and she probably would have any other day, right now she most certainly didn't. Actually, she was feeling worse and worse as the day went on. She could feel her skin pulled thin and her hands were starting to shake. He breathing was harsh and her eyes felt wet. It was all she could do to not just sit there on the ground and cry.

Sven noticed, and he went quiet.

They were then split into two teams and faced off against each other. Despite everything, despite it being _baseball_ , Anna actually enjoyed the practice games. It was the one time she actually felt a part of the team, and that everyone worked together to play well and have a good time. Even Vincent, for all the stupid faces he made, winking when Anna went up to bat, calling her “babe” as he ran past her on the bases; she was able to push his obnoxious attitude to the back of her mind and play well.

She also liked the practice games because it meant the whole practice was coming to an end, thank God.

As soon as practice stopped, they returned to the dugout, sweaty and tired and ready to go home. The boys packed in, excitedly chatting and doing their best to ignore Anna and Sven. It made it hard to get to their bags, but Anna, with her smaller, wiry frame, managed to slip through the spaces, and Sven just shouldered his way past everyone. When they came close to Vincent, Anna tensed, hoping she could sneak past him. He noticed them, his eyes alighting on them, and her nerves skyrocketed. He smirked and shouldered his bag, walking past them as he shouted for his friends to wait up, his shoulder bumping into both of them.

Anna let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

Anna and Sven gathered their bags and walked off in silence. There was a tension between them that was impossible to ignore, but Anna wasn't sure how to address it—or even if she wanted to. Meanwhile, Sven kept exceptionally silent even for him, and Anna decided not to press it.

_Sven was just trying to help me… but, that doesn't make what he said any less hurtful._

She wondered if Sven even realized she was gay. He may have known she was a girl, he may have known that she liked girls, but was he able to connect the two? She knew he still subconsciously saw her as Finn, expected it, even. So maybe he hadn't realized yet, what her liking girls entailed. He was still having difficulty wrapping his mind around her being a girl, let alone a gay girl.

The thought made it hard to breathe, and her eyes started to mist over. She knew Kristoff and Sven cared for her and were trying their best but at the end of the day, they wouldn't understand. _Couldn't_ understand, really, and through no fault of their own.

Anna really _was_ alone in this.

When they reached the parking lot, their cars instantly came into view. Sven's mother was sitting in the driver's seat, reading a book. Anna's own mother was parked several cars down, watching her and Sven walking together. She quickly blinked her tears away.

“Alright, well, I'll see you later, okay, Finn?” Sven looked to her and she could see the conflict in his eyes. “I mean, um—”

“It's fine,” she assured him in a rushed whisper, trying to ignore the sudden stutter in her heartbeat, looking at her mother out of the corner of her eye. “I'll, uh, I'll see you later, Sven.”

He nodded, giving her a pat on the shoulder. “Take it easy.”

Anna smiled, hoping it looked more genuine then it felt. As Sven approached his car, she noticed his mother waving at her. Her smile widened and she waved back.

“Hi, Finn!”

“Hi, Miss Koeman.”

“How've you been, sweetie?”

Anna shrugged, folding her hands behind her head. “I've been good. Same old, really.”

Miss Koeman nodded, her bright smile still in place. “That's good to hear! Say hello to your mother for me, okay?”

Anna laughed. “Okay, I will. Bye, Miss Koeman. Bye, Sven.”

The two friends waved goodbye to each other before she turned away for her own car. Anna could see her mother eyeing Sven's car and she tried to ignore it as she put her baseball bag into the backseat. As she walked around to the back, she paused to wipe her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt. She stood there, trembling, hands flexing as she took the moment to exhale a few deep, harsh breaths. Anna counted slowly, backwards from ten to one, and her heart rate began to settle to a rhythm not quite as frantic and her eyes no longer stung.

Anna steeled herself, taking a final deep breath, and then rounded the car to the passenger door.

“Hey, Mom.” Anna said as she opened the door and seated herself.

“Miss Koeman was speaking to you,” her mother said, watching Sven and his mother as they pulled out of the parking space. “What was she saying?”

Anna resisted the urge to roll her eyes, simply crossing her arms and leaning against the window. “Just saying hi, asking how I'm doing, and to tell you she says hi.”

“Hm.” She tapped her index finger against the steering wheel before putting the car into drive and pulling out of the parking space. As they reached the exit of the parking lot, she asked, “And how is your friend… Sven, right?”

“Sven is good.”

“He's not… getting you into any trouble, is he?”

Anna sighed, closing her eyes. “No, Mom.”

“What about your other friend? Kristoff?”

“Both Kristoff and Sven are good and nobody is getting me into any trouble.”

Her mother sighed, a long-suffering sigh as if Anna just couldn't, _wouldn't_ , understand. “I just worry, you know. Considering they both come from… troubled backgrounds. You could do with better friends.”

Anna coiled back and couldn't temper the anger in her words. “I _like_ my friends.”

“Don't take that tone of voice with me, I'm just looking out for your best interests. It's my job as your mother.” Her mother huffed but only shook her head. “Well, I suppose they're nice enough boys despite everything.”

A tight pain pinched behind her eyes and a lump formed in her throat. Anna tried to swallow it down, shoving herself further against the window when her stomach twisted. The cold of the glass felt good against her forehead.

“Finn, are you feeling okay? You don't look too well.”

“I'm fine, Mom.” Her mother still forcefully pushed her back against the chair and placed a hand up to her forehead. Anna said nothing, resigning herself to this check-up.

“Hm, you _do_ feel clammy, but no warmer than usual.” Her mother removed her hand but still examined her with a frown. “Are you sick, Finn?”

“No, Mom, I'm fine. Just tired.”

“Something's bothering you. Tell me.”

Anna sighed, slouching further into her seat as if she could hide from her mother's piercing gaze. She held herself tighter and turned to look out the window. She really didn't want to talk about this but her mother was only going to get mad at her if she kept this up.

“The um… the other boys were giving me and Sven a hard time.” She shrugged. “It's nothing new.”

“A hard time? In what way?”

Anna swallowed, closing her eyes so her mother wouldn't see her tears. She willed her voice to stay steady as she said, “Just saying some mean things. Calling us, um… gay, and that kind of stuff. They do it all the time.”

Her mother made a disapproving sound in the back of her throat. “The nerve, why that's absurd! I'm going to have a talk with those coaches. This is happening too often. And I'll take you off the team if I don't see any change soon, I don't care what your father says.”

Anna bit her lip as it trembled, biting down hard enough that she could taste blood. Her chest ached like someone punched her, but she fought hard against the oncoming sob.

_Why? Is it because she's actually looking out for you for once? Being a caring mother for once?_

Maybe she _should_ be happy about the way her mom was reacting, but all she felt was ache at the thought that maybe her mother actually cared. And then a cynical thought crawled its way to the forefront of her mind, as it often did on occasions such as this one—did her mother actually care for her, or did she only care that someone thought her “son” was gay?

Anna turned her face away into the window as she felt her skin turn hot.

“Would you like something to eat, Finn? We can stop by Dairy Queen on the way home.”

Anna felt her lips twitch into a sad smile as memories resurfaced. Her mother used to treat her older brothers with fast food any time they got upset. She rarely experienced this privilege on her own. “Sure, Mom, sounds good.”

“Okay, but just don't let your brothers see that you have junk food. Or your father for that matter… I'll never hear the end of it.”

 _That'll be easy enough… Dad won't even hear me coming through the front door._ She didn't voice this however, only clearing her throat and nodding. “Okay, Mom.”

“And sit up straight, that's bad for your back. Honestly, try to act a little civilized, Finn.”

“Okay, Mom.”

* * *

 

Anna tried her best to savor her lunch but, of course, habits died hard.

When Anna got home, she entered quietly and tiptoed up the stairs to her room, baseball gear slung over her shoulder in the bag while holding her food and soda in her hands. She entered her room, closing the door behind her as quickly and quietly as she could. Then she sat down in front of her tv, setting up her PS2, and in true vacuum fashion, her cheeseburger and fries vanished within minutes, without a trace. She stared at her bag sadly, willing the food to reappear, but could only sigh in defeat when it didn't, crumpling it up into a ball and tossing it into her wastebin.

 _I still have my sundae, at least._ And as she resumed her game of _Final Fantasy X-2_ , Anna took her sundae in hand, mouth watering at the smell of chocolate. She shoved a spoonful of it into her mouth, ignoring the cold ache in her teeth as she took another giant spoonful and swallowed it.

“Okay,” she murmured around a mouthful of ice cream and chocolate fudge. “Now, where was I?”

Anna was only allowed two hours of “electronic activity” a day—tv, computer, gaming, if it involved an electronic device, that was her two hours, so she had to pick wisely what she wanted to spend her free time on. It didn’t matter if it was a weekday, weekend, if she was on vacation or not. If she spent longer than two hours, the consequences were severe. Sometimes she could get away with it; her mother was usually too harried after a long day of dealing with rambunctious children and so sometimes she would just storm into the room and snap at Anna to turn the games off and go to bed.

But somehow, her parents were often able to tell when she had spent _far_ longer than just a mere two hours on her games. A week of no video games and extra chores could have been worse, in any other household. But Anna struggled to see the bright side when her family pulled her away from the one bit of happiness she got in this miserable place, her mother watching her as she cleaned and vacuumed and did whatever it was she was made to do, inspecting her work to make sure it was up to _her_ standards—and it never was. It made Anna long for the days when she turned invisible as soon as the door closed, because as infuriating as that was, she found it was better to be ignored than to have her family’s attention.

So Anna was careful. It was instinctive now, to know when to turn the games off, shut her laptop down, turn the tv off, and spend the rest of her lonely day with her nose in a book or drawing. If she wanted to get away with more video games, she’d call up Sven or Kristoff and hang out with them, and her parents would be none the wiser.

After a while, Anna checked her watch. She had about fifteen minutes left. She was at a perfect spot to save so perhaps it would be better to just end it here. She hadn’t yet come to a decision where her phone went off.

Anna paused her game and put down the controller. She rubbed her eyes a bit, then picked up her phone and checked to see who the text was from: Kristoff.

 **Kristoff:** Me and Sven are goin on a date w/ Aurora and Belle tonight

Anna smiled, but she felt a small twist of envy as she stared at the text. It was true, she would have been uncomfortable trying to date the girls, but she couldn't help but wish she had tried a little harder with Aurora. Oh well. She couldn't afford to feel envious when she had tried to engineer this anyways. And she was genuinely happy for her friends.

 **Anna:** That's awesome! :D I'm happy for you guys~

Anna put her phone down on her lap and picked up her controller again. She could get away with playing a bit longer. It was only five minutes, though, when her phone buzzed again.

 **Kristoff:** They want you to come too

Anna blinked. What? That couldn't be true. Why would they want _her_ to come? Why _would_ she go in the first place?

 **Anna:** Ummm why?

Anna stared at her phone for a while after sending it. She was too busy going over the thoughts in her head to go back to playing, and in any case, Kristoff responded very quickly.

 **Kristoff:** Want you to meet someone

 **Anna:** Norwegian youth group girl?

 **Kristoff:** Yup

Anna stared at her phone, mouth agape. She wasn't even really looking at it, so much as thinking about the implications of the text.

_Me on a date? With a girl?_

Thoughts of flirting with Aurora squirmed to the forefront of her mind and she frowned. Did she really wanna sit through a couple hours of _that_ again? Sure, the girl could be cute and nice and it could be fun… except nothing about sitting there pretending to be a boy sounded like fun to her.

Her phone buzzed again and she checked the text.

 **Kristoff:** Sven told me about this morning… you don't have to go

Anna sighed. “It'd be a waste of time.”

 **Anna:** I think I'm just gonna stay home, thanks for the invite tho

 **Kristoff:** Alrighty, np

 **Anna:** Have fun stud! ;D

 **Kristoff:** lol thanks

Anna sighed and put her phone away, taking her controller in hand again and resuming her game. However, she soon realized she couldn't focus, her thoughts filled with the idea of this date and how it was a stupid idea and she was right in saying no and honestly it wouldn't work out anyways and why was she still thinking about this and not focusing on her game.

It had been five minutes and she realized she hadn't even moved.

“Okay, you're being ridiculous.” She paused the game and tossed the controller down, pacing around the room and gesturing violently. “Think about this Anna: you _just_ had a conversation with Sven this morning about being uncomfortable with Aurora seeing you as a boy—which was also the whole reason behind you getting them all to talk in the first place, instead of continuing to flirt with Aurora, who is admittedly very attractive, and at least physically your type—and he correctly pointed out that any girl you date now would also see you as a boy. Which means dating is pretty much off the table. And sure, I like the idea of having a girlfriend, of going to the movies, holding hands, kissing in the hallways and um… I… shit.”

She was blushing just _thinking_ about it. A pleasant shiver ran up her spine and her breath left her in a huff, her tongue poking out to wet her lips as they suddenly went dry. But that all came to a screeching halt when she became aware of the painfully familiar rush of blood to the lower half of her body. Anna clamped her jaw shut tight, swallowing down forcefully as she pressed the palms of her hands to her temples and did her damn best to ignore the growing arousal swirling through her.

_Dead puppies, dead puppies, think of dead puppies._

Anna did her best to push away thoughts of cute girls and kissing, filling her mind with as many grotesque images as she possibly could to prevent an erection. She bit her lip so hard she tasted blood and hummed out loud to herself, glaring at the ceiling. A second voice in her head peppered every image with fervent cursing.

It's not that Anna hated her penis, but it felt… odd to look down and see something her brain constantly told her shouldn't be there. And these thoughts were counterproductive in her attempt to convince herself not to go on this stupid date.

And it was frustrating.

The distractions didn't completely work. While the erection subsided before it started, and the tide of arousal no longer pulled her down, the thought of the date—of kissing girls, holding hands, wrapping her arms around a slim waist—still clung to the back of her head.

Anna sighed. She kind of _wanted_ to go, just to see this girl if nothing else. But dating was never a priority to her, as much as she wanted it to happen. Just the thought of dating a girl with her mother knowing and breathing down her neck for it _alone_ filled her with dread that sunk deep into the pit of her gut.

And the whole thing was likely to end in disaster. Did she really want to put herself in an uncomfortable situation just because the girl _might_ be cute and they _might_ be into each other and by some bizarre turn of events it _might_ work out alright?

“It's a stupid idea.” Anna growled to herself, crossing her arms and nodding. “I'm not going and that's final.”

Besides, she would have to get permission from her parents first.

Anna glared at the floor in thought.

She turned and ran out of her room, hurrying down the stairs as fast as she could while still seeming calm and casual. Walking into the living room, she spied Lukas at the couch, watching some Nickelodeon cartoon on tv. Bard was watching the tv from the dinner table, eating a small snack of dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, and her mother was making a bottle for Peter.

“Hey, Mom? Kris and Sven wanna hang out tonight, can I go?”

“What? Hold on, I'm busy.”

Anna sighed, but willed herself to be patient. She sat down at the table across from Bard and leaned forward, watching him with narrowed eyes. The seven-year-old looked up at her for a brief second, then back down at his plate, face as solemn as a politician as he took a small bite out of his food.

Anna looked over her shoulder to make sure her mother was turned away, then turned back and stuck out her tongue. Bard finished chewing and swallowing his food before sticking his tongue out, face unchanging. Anna puffed her cheeks out and pulled on her ears, then pushed her nose up with her pinky fingers and snorted. Bard finally smiled, giggling as he returned the silly expression with gusto.

_Success!_

“Mom, Finn's making faces at Bard.”

A _whack_ across the back of her head made her stop, and she winced and rubbed the sensitive spot. “What the heck, gremlin.”

“Stop making faces at your brother.”

“I was just playing with him!”

“You're supposed to be setting a good example for him, not teaching him horrible manners.”

Anna sighed and stood up. Her little brother had returned to his food, head ducked as if he had done something bad. Anna felt guilt coil in her stomach but pushed it down as she turned to her mother, now feeding the baby.

“Can I go out tonight?”

“I don't know, Finn, ask your father.”

Anna rolled her eyes and turned to leave the room. As she passed by Lukas, she licked her finger and stuck it in his ear. He yelped and swatted at her hand but she ran off before he could even touch her. She heard her mother shriek, “ _Finn!_ ” but ignored her as she ran down the foyer and up to the office door. She knocked on it once.

“Come in.”

Anna pushed the door open and quietly came in. “Um… it's me, Dad.”

Her father was seated at his desk, glasses perched on his nose as he typed away at his laptop. He never took his eyes off the screen as Anna walked up to him. Never said or did anything to say he was even aware of her presence.

Anna shoved her hands into her pockets and waited a few minutes, but when he still said nothing and the beating in her chest still hadn't calmed down, she finally took a breath and said, “My friends are going out tonight, and they asked if I could go.”

“Mhm.”

Anna paused, waiting for him to say more, but he never did. “So… can I go?”

“Ask your mother.”

Anna deflated. “She said to ask you.”

“I'm busy.”

Anna winced, hearing the sharp edge in her father's voice, even as he never stopped in his typing, never looked up to actually address her. Trembling, she mumbled, “Sorry,” before walking as fast as she could out of the office, closing the door behind her. She leaned back against it and took deep breaths. Her heart was in her throat and her hands were clammy and trembling.

_That was a fucking waste._

Taking a deep breath and calming herself down, Anna walked back into the living room. Her mother was seated at the couch now, still feeding Peter.

“Dad told me to ask you.”

Her mother huffed and rolled her eyes. “Sure, Finn, go ahead.”

Anna raised her eyebrows. Lukas looked over at their mother, then over at Anna. It was clear to both of them she really had no idea what she was agreeing to and didn't care. When Anna gave her brother a questioning look, he only shrugged in response before returning his attention to the tv.

Anna fought back a snort of laughter as she turned and walked out the room, saying, “Okay, thanks, Mom.”

Anna ran up the stairs and back into her room. There her phone waited for her where she had left it on the floor. Anna snatched it up and started texting a response.

 **Anna:** Meh, I'll go… I've got nothing better to do.

Anna stuffed her phone underneath the pillow on her bed and went back to playing her game. She tapped her fingers on the controller and kept looking from her screen to her bed, but tried her absolute hardest to put her whole mind into the game. She failed spectacularly as her phone went off seven minutes later.

Anna threw the controller to the ground and dived into the side of the bed. Ignoring the resulting stitch of pain in her side, Anna reached out and grabbed her phone from under the pillow, clutching it in her hands as she read over the text message.

 **Kristoff:** Seriously?

 **Anna:** Yeah, seriously, what time?

 **Kristoff:** About 7

Anna checked the time. 3:20 pm. Plenty of time to get ready.

 **Anna:** Sounds good, see you then

 **Kristoff:** See ya

Anna sighed, resting her head back against the mattress as her heartbeat tripled in intensity. She took a deep breath and pushed herself up, walking back over to her chair and dropping down onto it with a huff. Anna spent the next few minutes staring at a spot on the wall behind her tv. Several conflicting thoughts flew through her mind at once.

_This is gonna go horribly._

_But I'm going on a date._

_A date as a boy._

_But I'm going on a date._

_She's only gonna see you as a boy._

_But I'm going on a date!_

_Will you shut up and listen to reason?_

_Nope!_

_You're making a fool of yourself._

_Maybe she'll like me anyways._

_You're an idiot._

Anna buried her face with her hands and groaned. It was no use, she was going to feel conflicted about this all through the night. She shouldn't have said yes, she should just cancel, but she already said yes, and she wasn't going to play tug of war on this all night. She had four hours to make up her mind. This whole thing was stupid and it was going to be a total disaster, but she might as well just go, try to have fun. It wouldn't actually mean anything in the end anyways, right?

Her stomach twisted.

She was going on a date.

Anna could only play her game for ten minutes more before she started pacing her room in a panic.

* * *

 

“You're _what?_ ”

Anna had stopped by the living room to tell her mother she was leaving and before she even got the chance to, her mother was interrogating her. She stood there as calmly as she could, explaining she was going out with the boys that night, and that resulted in the expected freak out.

Her mother was red-faced, eyes wide as she glared Anna down, and all she could do in response was shrug. “I'm going out with Kris and Sven.”

“Who do you think you are, just going out at night without asking permission?”

“Actually, I asked you three times. And you said yes.”

“I never said yes.”

Anna fought to keep a neutral expression on her face. “Yes, you did, Mom. First you told me to ask Dad, who told me to ask you, and you said yes.”

“Don't speak to me like I'm an idiot. I never said yes.”

Anna bit her lip hard. She could feel her eyes sting.

“Lukas,” her mother turned to her younger son, and the pre-teen just about jumped out of his seat. “Did I ever tell your brother he could go out for the night?”

Lukas blinked, staring from his mother to Anna. Without her mother watching her, she let her guard down and silently pleaded with him. He saw the look in her eyes and how tense she held herself, and a sense of understanding passed between them.

Lukas nodded and said, “Yeah, you did.”

Anna felt like breathing a sigh of relief but she only tensed even further at the sight of her mother's anger rising. She balled her fists up and stalked up to Lukas, pointing an accusatory finger at him, and Anna regretted not moving between them.

“Don't lie, did I say yes to Finn?”

Lukas pushed himself further into the cushions of the couch. “I mean, I remember you saying yes to _something_ he asked you.”

“How do you even remember, you were watching tv.” She huffed and rounded back on Anna, glaring at her. She forced her expression into one of confusion.

“Fine, you wanna go, then go. But you better get home at a decent time, or you'll be sorry.” She jabbed a finger into Anna's chest for emphasis and Anna physically recoiled, jumping back as her hands shot up to shield her chest. Her mother blinked, taken by surprise, then scoffed. “Don't be so dramatic, Finn. I barely touched you.”

Anna rubbed at the center of her chest, the spot where her mother had touched throbbing, red-hot, swollen, and out of place. A phantom hand grabbed and pulled at her skin and Anna's own hands splayed across her chest in a desperate attempt not to scratch away the feeling. She swallowed, face white as a sheet, working her jaw for some kind of coherent sentence. Her voice didn't seem to work, however, and she settled for a shaky nod before quickly turning on her heel and leaving the room.

“Be home by exactly 10 or there'll be consequences!” Her mom called out. “I wanna hear you say it.”

“Home by ten,” Anna forced out between clenched teeth, her voice rasping as if being dragged against the sides of her throat. “Got it. Bye.”

And then she left, closing the door roughly behind her.

“Do _not_ slam the door!! Honestly, why does he have to act like that...” She heard her mother complain loudly, and she knew she was meant to hear it. “He's always so dramatic, I don't understand it.”

Her mother's voice trailed off into a grumble of complaints before fading into the late evening sounds of crickets chirping and far-off cars. Anna stood there for a while, basking in the breeze of the cool night air. It was all a peaceful, gentle alternative to the raging, boiling pit in her stomach, a calm to the manic storm inside her head. It didn't completely help, but it soothed her frayed nerves a little, and she supposed that was better than nothing.

Letting out a breath, Anna pulled the hood over her head and sat down on the bench on the patio overlooking their front yard. The streets were still empty, and she resisted the urge to call Kristoff up and ask if they were almost there. She started to tap her fingers in a beat against her thigh, humming a tune to herself as the bench rocked back and forth.

All the while, thoughts turned in her head.

_This really is such a stupid idea._

_But I mean, might as well, right?_

_What for, it's not gonna amount to anything._

_At least it'll give me something to do._

_At least it'll make you feel like shit for the next few days, you mean._

_And I'm already here, so this debate is pointless._

This really was it. No backing out now. Anna crossed her arms tightly in front of her chest and sunk lower into the bench, grumbling.

“Stupid idea. But I'd rather be with my friends than at home.”

And that put a stop to it, or at least, it drowned everything out significantly.

A rickety old pickup truck drove up to the curb in front of her house. Sven waved from the passenger seat and she waved back as she got up from the bench and walked over to the car. He opened the door and got out so she could scoot into the middle seat.

“Hey, Finn—Anna.” Kristoff waited until they were both buckled in before pulling away from the curb and driving down the street. “So what changed your mind?”

Anna shrugged, leaning back against her seat. “I was bored. And to be honest, any chance to get out of the house is a chance I'll take.”

Sven chuckled. “So it has nothing to do with cute girls?”

Anna rolled her eyes, hoping her face wasn't as red as it felt. “Nah, I mean, I'm curious, but I don't really care.”

Kristoff and Sven shared a skeptical look and Anna growled, elbowing them both hard in the ribs. They clumsily offered reassurances that they believed her, but she could tell they didn't. Rolling her eyes, she pulled her hood tighter over her head.

“Do you at least wanna know anything about this girl?” Kristoff asked.

Anna raised an eyebrow. “What, did they actually tell you about her or something?”

“A few things.”

Anna shrugged. “Sure, I guess.”

Kristoff checked for cars before turning onto a street, then drove off. “Well, her name's Elsa. Elsa Vollan. She and her parents moved here from Oslo about a month ago, she's been homeschooled for most of her life but Aurora and Belle said she's going to Arendelle High for her senior year. Guess her parents want her to go to a good college or something. Anyways, Aurora and Belle met her in their youth group. Super Protestant family, apparently. They also said she's very um… fragile.”

Anna tilted her head. “Fragile how?”

“I don't know, like she's shy and stuff, I guess?”

Anna leaned her head back against the chair and shrugged. “Well, I mean, she _did_ move to a whole different country, and away from the only home she's known for her whole life.” She frowned at the thought of it. “That's probably really scary…”

Anna spent a while deep in thought about this. Other than visiting extended family, she didn't have much of a connection to her country of birth. Not that she didn't feel connected to her culture; her parents made sure she and her younger brothers grew up with an appreciation for their heritage and she certainly _liked_ Norway. It was a gorgeous country and she enjoyed learning all she could about it, and when they found time to visit Tromsø and she could get away from her family, she loved getting to explore the city.

It's just they had moved when she was so little, and the family visits themselves were few and far between, and mostly spent in misery and discomfort. Arendelle was where she called home, as much of a love-hate relationship she had with the place, so visits to Norway were just that… visits.

So she wasn't sure she fully understood the feeling of one day packing everything and leaving the place one called home. It _was_ a rather terrifying thought when she tried to put it into perspective… she could at least understand this must have been a lot for this girl, for Elsa, to take in.

_How are either of us gonna connect to each other? She's just gonna see me as some weird goofy American kid who's too_ _awkward and too_ _small for… for their age._

Anna felt her stomach twist and she sunk lower into her seat. She swallowed her nerves down and clutched at her jeans with sweaty hands. Her body felt out of place where she sat, stuck in between the boys, helpless against the movement of the truck. This was really such a bad idea. Why did she agree to go along with it? This girl was expecting a boy—probably someone tall and muscular, a pinnacle of masculinity—and she was going to get…

 _She's gonna get_ me. _She's going to be expecting someone I can't be, someone I_ won't _be. And she's going to get me—an awkward, loud, obnoxious, goofy, clumsy girl in this ugly, gross, misshapen body._

“So, Anna,” Sven nudged her in the ribs and out of her reverie, and she resisted the urge to push him away. He had a large shit-eating grin on his face. “You excited?”

Anna raised an eyebrow. “About?”

“Um, the date? With a hot Scandinavian chick? Duh?”

Anna rolled her eyes. “You're such a boy. It's just a date, it's not like it's gonna _mean_ anything.” She shrugged and relaxed her head back, closing her eyes.

“Well, we're here.”

Anna's eyes shot open. What.

The cold, clammy feeling that had washed over her sunk deep into her soul. She looked around, hoping maybe she had heard wrong, but no. Kristoff was circling around the parking lot of the small town shopping center, searching for a spot to park. Anna swallowed thickly, her whole body trembling with panic. She closed her eyes and clenched her hands into tight fists, focusing on the sharp pain of her nails cutting into her palms instead of the way everything moved around her.

_It's just a date, Anna. Just a date. For one night. Stop psyching yourself out over this._

As the truck came to a stop, so did her heart.

_Why did this town have to be so damn small._

Anna took a deep breath through her nose, her jaw tight and teeth grit. She inhaled and exhaled several times before she finally unbuckled herself and numbly followed Sven out of the car.

As Anna stepped out and Sven closed the door, she pulled her hood over her head and asked, “So where are we meeting them?” Her voice sounded mechanical.

Sven nodded ahead to a 50's-style diner, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Belle said they were on their way right before we picked you up, so they should be here any minute.”

Anna nodded, folding her hands behind her head as she walked between her friends. “Sounds good.”

She tried to ignore the pounding of her heart.

They waited by the front, Kristoff and Sven seated on a bench by the side of the restaurant while Anna went ahead and jumped onto the wall, walking along the top like a tightrope. She walked a ways away, focusing on her feet and not the various cars that drove through the parking lot, letting her mind wander to thoughts of her video games instead of the night ahead. She could hear one car pulling into a spot nearby but ignored it.

“They're here, Finn.”

Anna felt as if the blood had drained from her whole body, but she managed to wave back at them to show that she had heard them. Spinning in place on top of the wall, she deftly jumped down and landed on her feet despite the trembling in her legs. Brushing off imaginary dust, she straightened her jacket before forcing her hands into the pockets and walking towards the group, eyes locked firmly on the ground.

_Just a date, just for the night. Only one night. It's no big deal._

“Hey, Finn!”

Anna looked up to Aurora and smiled. “Hey.”

She stepped aside and gestured to the girl next to her, “We wanted you to meet our friend, from youth group. This is Elsa. Elsa, this is Finn.”

Anna looked over at the other girl and felt the heat rise in her cheeks.

Oh.

Oh no.

_She's… she's…_

Everything about Elsa looked _soft_ , from the look in her eyes to the gentle curve of her jaw, the slight pout of her supple lips, the way her blonde bangs fell into her face and her long braid fell and swayed behind her. Anna's eyes trailed down her neck, along slender shoulders draped by a dark cardigan sweater—swallowing hard as she got to her chest and quickly looked anywhere else—past her knee-length skirt to the long legs of a dancer.

Anna did her best to keep her cool, ignoring the sweat gathering on her palms as she looked back up, trying to make eye contact with Elsa. Her bright blue eyes were averted to the ground, hands clenched and arms wrapped tightly around her midsection. She looked a little tense and out of place, but as she looked up and their eyes made contact, her whole body visibly loosened, her eyes widened.

Anna felt her heart stutter in her chest, the heat in her cheeks spread to the back of her neck, the tips of her ears, and every other inch of her body it felt like. Her hands clenched, her legs trembled, and every thought in her head was replaced with the sudden desperate desire to find out what it felt like to kiss Elsa. Anna looked down to her lips, quirked into a small 'o' and covered slightly by a single slender hand, and she swallowed.

_I'm in so much trouble._


	3. A Silver Lining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Misgendering, deadnaming, minor anxiety/panic attacks, some brief emotional abuse/toxic masculinity courtesy of Mr. and Mrs. Solberg. If you think I've missed anything, please let me know.
> 
> Most of this chapter is from Elsa's point of view. As she does not know Anna is trans, the narrative refers to Anna as "Finn" with he/him pronouns.

**Chapter Three**

**A Silver Lining**

What on earth was she getting herself into.

Elsa sat in the backseat of Aurora's car, nails digging into the leather of the seat, and on the edge of panic. She tried to pay attention to the song playing from the car's radio but all she could really hear was the frantic beating of her own heart. It was all she could do just to have a steady breath.

_This was a mistake. I should have just said no._

Elsa was a straight-A devout Christian girl—not the kind of girl who snuck out at night to hang out with _boys._ And she didn't think of Aurora and Belle as those kinds of girls, either. She had known them to be pretty… well, stereotypical American girls, boy-crazy and the type to go out every other day, but Elsa wasn't going to judge them. They were nice girls and the only ones at the youth group to reach out to her.

But when they mentioned boys, she immediately said no on impulse.

“Oh, come on, Elsaaaaa!” Aurora had practically begged her, face immediately settling into a pout. Belle rolled her eyes as if to say 'here we go again.' “It's just one night, and they're cute boys! Really nice, too! One of them's Norwegian, even!”

“I don't… that doesn't mean anything.” Elsa hated to admit her interest was piqued at that but it wouldn't matter. Boys were boys. “I have no interest in letting some teenage boy gawk at me. Besides, my parents would never let me go.”

Belle shrugged. “You don't have to tell them there's gonna be boys. Aurora's not telling hers.” Elsa stared at them both in shock and Belle actually laughed. Aurora only shrugged, as if this was no big deal. “And honestly, I don't see any of the boys being the type to gawk. Okay, _maybe_ Kristoff and Sven, but definitely not Finn.”

“Yeah! And he's so nice, Elsa, honestly, I think you two would get along just fine.”

Every twist and churn of her insides told Elsa she was making a mistake but she eventually gave in, much to the girls' delight. If she was being honest with herself, it was entirely out of curiosity. She wasn't sure if she should have expected to find someone with a similar background to hers, let alone the same country of origin, but the idea that she could meet such a person in as small and obscure of an American city as Arendelle… well, she was surprised. Interested.

It didn't stop her from pacing endlessly for almost an hour in her room before finally asking for permission from her parents. When they asked who she was hanging out with and she only mentioned the girls, she choked on the words, lead forming in her chest as she tried her hardest to appear normal. She knew she failed, but maybe her parents were used to her appearing nervous, because they seemed satisfied and gave her their permission.

Elsa had immediately thrown herself into the shower to cleanse the disgusting traitorous feeling that clung to her skin, breaths coming in short and panicked gasps.

Honestly, that should have been her first clue this was a horrible, horrible idea and she should have just called the girls to say no. What on earth was she _thinking._

 _You_ weren't _thinking, that's the problem…_

“Elsa?”

Elsa snapped out of her reverie, looking up from her lap to stare back at Belle turned around in her seat with a look of concern on her face. Elsa noticed then how clammy her palms were and that she was gripping her skirt too tight. Her hands relaxed and she let them lay there awkwardly on her lap.

“I'm fine. Just nervous.”

Belle reached back and took Elsa's hand in hers. Elsa’s heart leaped in her chest, a strange, nervous elation at the feeling of Belle’s skin on her own. She flinched and quickly took her hand back. An awkward silence stretched for a moment before she heard Belle sigh.

“Don't worry so much, Elsa. Everything's going to turn out fine, and if it doesn't, you can tell us you told us so and we'll spend the rest of the school year talking shit on dumb boys.”

Elsa choked on air as she grappled for a response but found herself blanking. Instead she only gaped back at Belle, who had the most sardonic smile on her face Elsa had ever seen.

“Belle, you're not making her feel any better.” Aurora sighed. “Elsa, don't worry, I promise you tonight's gonna be fun.”

“Truly speaking,” Belle replied as she sat back in her seat, “worst case scenario, you and Finn just end up good friends. Which isn't bad at all, really.”

Elsa frowned. “Just friends?”

Belle shrugged. “Sure, why not. I'm not even sure if Finn is the kind of boy who likes dating, anyways. He seemed more of a cool guy friend.”

“He was a huge flirt,” Aurora piped in, “what are you talking about.”

“That doesn't mean anything. My point is, whether you and Finn hit it off as friends or potentially something else, you're gonna have a good time.” She smiled back at Elsa. “Promise.”

Elsa took a deep breath and tried to will her heart to calm down. “I don't know why we're doing this to begin with. My parents are going to kill me if they find out I was with boys.”

“Well, you didn't tell them, did you?”

“No! But!” Elsa struggled with words for a moment, clenching her hands tightly. “But—I—it's just—ugh! I shouldn't be doing something that requires me lying in the first place!”

Belle shrugged. “Honestly, everyone does it. Sometimes you kind of have to. It's the only way to get anything fun done around here.”

“ _For the world is full of zanies and fools, who don't believe in sensible rules—_ ”

“Oh my god, Aurora, no.”

“ _And won't believe what sensible people saaaaaaay!_ ”

“Why do you always—”

“ _And because these daft and dewey-eyed dopes keep building up impossible hopes—_ ”

“I'm gonna kick you out of your own damn car, I swear—”

“ _Impossible things are happening every daaaaaaay!_ ”

And that was how the rest of the car ride went: Aurora gleefully singing and ignoring Belle's somewhat resigned demands for her to stop, all while Elsa sat in the back, wondering once again just what she had just gotten herself into.

The drive didn't take them that long to get there; Arendelle _was_ a very small town. Elsa wasn't sure if she felt relieved or if she wished it could have taken longer. To calm herself down more. Or psyche herself out more. Either was a likely outcome.

“There they are,” Belle said, pointing in the direction of a diner. “The one walking along the wall there, Elsa? That's Finn.”

Elsa nodded, although she didn't actually look up to see. Her heart was pounding at several beats per second, the blood rushing to her ears and an ache of stress lodged deep in her chest. She climbed out of the car and followed the girls to the restaurant, arms crossed and fingers pushing into the skin, eyes cast down and head full of worry and doubt.

_This is horrible, sinful, dangerous—you've broken Mama and Papa's trust. Your own parents, they trusted you, you promised them, you lied to them._

_No, it'll be fine. This might even be a good thing… you've been spending all your time with Aurora and Belle and it would be nice to meet boys. Mama and Papa might even like him._

_But they don't trust boys._

_But they might think—_

_There's nothing for them to think, stop saying there is—_

“Hey, Finn!”

Aurora's voice cut through her thoughts. Elsa clenched her hands tighter, digging her nails into her skin until she felt pain. Her eyes remained on the ground, even as she felt Aurora's hand on her shoulder and she took a step back.

“This is Elsa. Elsa, this is Finn.”

Elsa regulated her breathing in the silence that seemed to stretch on forever, or possibly only a few seconds. She kept her eyes on her shoes instead, even as she could feel several eyes boring into her. Sighing, Elsa finally looked up and made eye contact.

_Oh._

An array of awestruck emotions stared back at her from wide teal eyes, possibly reflecting her own surprise, and fair white skin turned a slight shade of red. Elsa could make out a cosmos of freckles dotted on his rosy cheeks, across the sharp bridge of his nose, and almost lost herself in counting them. Red short-cropped hair still fell into wavy bangs brushed loosely across his forehead, just above those wide teal eyes. His jaw seemed tight, almost as if he was trying to stop himself from saying something, and when Elsa's eyes went to his lips—soft and red—she could see the movement of his throat as he swallowed.

Finn maybe wasn't quite what she was expecting, even despite what Aurora and Belle had told her. In hindsight, Elsa wasn't sure how she expected the typical American boy to look like—tall, muscular, rugged jocks who played football all the time. His friends were closer to that image than he was—tall and slightly bulky, and the blond boy even had a beard. Finn was short, lean, and clean-shaven. And, if she were being honest, not very masculine in his appearance at all; actually, some of his features had a rather soft and feminine quality to them.

What was she to make of that? She couldn’t tell, because she knew that if her father saw this boy, he would likely scoff, but Elsa… _liked_ the way he looked. She liked the softer qualities of his face, his skin looking smooth to the touch.

Finn looked soft, and Elsa liked that, but… why?

 _No,_ Elsa thought sourly, _it’s not—not like that._

He was a boy, so what if he looked softer and nicer than the other boys? So what if he was smaller and shorter than—wait, was he actually _shorter_ than her?

“Elsa?”

Belle's voice behind her startled her out of her reverie in the worst way possible, sending the foremost thought tumbling out of her before she could catch it.

“You're shorter than I expected.”

For a sharp second there was thick silence, and Elsa could no longer breathe, rooted to the spot in sheer horror and embarrassment. And then it was broken like glass when Finn's bigger blond friend erupted into laughter, bending over and holding onto his sides. The other boy looked to be holding his laughter in, hand over face and failing to cover a very large grin. Elsa looked to them while she felt herself slowly die on the inside. She couldn't meet Finn's gaze after that… or her friends', God forbid.

She heard a soft chuckle and turned. Finn was smiling, lips twitched crookedly to one side, and his eyes were alight with mirth. Elsa felt the panic in her churn.

“If my height bothers you, I can wear platform heels.”

The blond boy's laughter rose sharply and the other boy broke composure. She could hear her own friends laughing, too, and the panic and embarrassment peaked sharply. Even as she knew they were laughing at Finn's joke, the realization of what she had said hit her again. It hadn't taken her very long to make a fool of herself.

Elsa clenched her jaw tight and swallowed, hands clenched and arms held tight at her sides. She fought for words, for something, but as the panic settled deep in her core, the words twisted and jumbled together in her head before her brain seemed to give up on English altogether and she instead switched to Norwegian in a rushed, “ _I'm so sorry._ ”

It came out strangled, barely above a whisper, and Elsa was certain Finn didn't hear her. She continued to stare at her shoes, body wound tight and emotions burning just behind her eyes. Through the fog of her panic, however, she sensed movement and looked up, startled to see Finn closer, hands behind his back as he leaned forward to stare up at her. She took a few steps back out of reflex. He didn't follow her. Only smiled softly, understandingly.

“ _You don't have to apologize. There's nothing to be sorry for._ ” His smile widened and he laughed. “ _I mean, I_ am _pretty short, aren't I?_ ”

The way Finn held himself as he straightened—relaxed and confident, his wide smile easing into a small pleasant one of reassurance. He looked at her, waiting, and Elsa got the sense he would wait as long as she needed him to. The suffocating terror in her gut finally settled. A mild panic, still alight, still twisting, running along her skin and ready to take flight at a moment's notice, but… distant. Elsa felt a tinge of comfort and allowed herself to relax, too. She sent him a smile and he positively beamed.

“Yeah, it's really fun to see people underestimate Finn because of his size.” The blond boy wrapped his arm around Finn's shoulders and pulled him into a tight hold, pushing Finn's face against his chest and mussing up his hair with his hand as Finn fought against him. “And then he moves like a fucking cheetah and before anyone has time to notice, he's gone. Their faces are hilarious. That, or he saw a something video game or food related nearby, but really, it's a sight to see, either way.”

“Kristoff, _let go!_ Oh, _ew,_ I can smell your cologne!”

“But honestly, I think he could put up a good fight if he really wanted to. Aw man, Sven, you remember that time Vincent tried to throw him in the pool, with all his shit on? He practically suplexed the asshole in an attempt to get away. I hope your brother saved that video, Finn.”

“I said _let go!_ ”

The boys continued poking fun at each other as Elsa watched, perplexed, and somewhat amused. _Yeah, this is definitely how I imagined them to act._

It's just how boys were, right? Loud, rowdy, always trying to one up each other. But as Kristoff went on with his story of some 'end-of-baseball-season' party that happened a few years ago, Elsa got the sense that Finn… wasn't really enjoying this. His face was bright red and his brow furrowed in a furious scowl. He kept looking back at Elsa, as if to check to see how she was taking this in, and he looked distinctly apologetic every time their eyes met.

Elsa… wasn't sure what to make of that. She frowned, getting the sense that maybe Finn didn't want this kind of attention.

Someone cleared their throat and Elsa turned to see the other boy, Sven, standing by Belle. His arm was already around her shoulders. “Hey, Kris? Maybe we should move on and get some dinner?”

Kristoff ruffled Finn's hair one last time before letting him go. Poor Finn looked positively rustled up, shirt collar and jacket askew and his hair spiked up in several directions. He sent a withering glare at Kristoff, who merely shrugged it off before walking side-by-side with Aurora, arm also around her shoulders, and following Sven and Belle into the diner. Finn sighed and turned towards Elsa.

“I'm sorry, Kristoff can be… too much sometimes.” He shrugged, lopsided grin back in place, and with his messy hair and clothes, it was an oddly endearing image. “He's a good guy, though!”

Elsa laughed. “I'm sure. It seems you guys are close, though, and that's good.”

Finn beamed. He looked towards the diner and then back at Elsa. “So, you ready?”

Elsa looked to the diner and saw the others seating themselves by the window. Aurora kept looking back at them and Finn's friends were doing their best not to seem obvious as they peeked over their menus. The panic was starting to rise up again. Elsa sighed and tried to control it as best as she could.

“Yeah, I'm ready.”

Finn smiled, moving his arm as if it to put it around her shoulders. Elsa tensed but instead of putting his arm around her, Finn moved to run a hand through his hair, brushing it back into place. He scowled as he fixed his clothing, muttering something about the time it had taken him to look good, before clearing his throat and turning back to Elsa with a smile on his face.

“Let's go then!” he said as he nodded towards the diner and took a step forward.

Elsa blinked, caught in a bit of whiplash, before shaking her head and following after him. He opened the door and stepped aside, letting her in first, and she smiled at him.

_He certainly seems very nice… but what if it's just an act? Mama and Papa say all the time how boys aren't to be trusted, just because he seems nice doesn't mean…_

Elsa watched the way he moved around her, hands shoved into pockets and walking at a pace that matched hers. Close enough not to seem rude but not too close as to invade her personal space. He did move a little awkwardly, and she got the sense maybe he was unsure of himself. But she couldn't tell if this was born out of impatience or a desire to keep her at ease.

And she wasn't sure which she preferred.

As they walked towards the table, everyone looked up to watch them approach. Elsa swallowed, feeling her face heat up at the sudden, immediate attention she received. She felt like a guinea pig on this date, like this was all some sort of experiment or joke that she wasn’t in on. Even the girls' well-meaning smiles did nothing to put her at ease.

Kristoff smiled mischievously and said, “Finally decided to join us? We thought maybe you two ran off to spend the night _alone._ ”

Elsa blanched, stuttering to a stop in her steps. Finn rolled his eyes. “Ha ha, so funny, real mature. Act normal for once, Kristoff.”

Kristoff looked almost offended but before he could say anything, Sven poked his head up. “For the record, only Kris thought that. The rest of us knew better than to make such assumptions.”

Kristoff scoffed. “Yeah, right, Sven. You're just trying to cover your ass.”

Sven sighed, as if suffering. “So ill-mannered. If it weren't for Finn and I, I really think you'd run off and join the circus.”

“You'd beat me to it, jackass.”

Sven and Kristoff continued exchanging banter while the girls laughed at their jokes. Elsa felt even more out of place than she did before, nerves and anxiety coiling tightly around each other in the pit of her stomach. She looked to Finn and started when she realized he was staring at her. He seemed… oddly concerned.

“ _You okay?_ ” he asked softly.

Elsa swallowed and crossed her arms, tight around her chest. “ _I'm fine._ ”

Finn winced and Elsa felt guilt coalesce along with her anxiety. She took a deep breath and buried her ill feelings deep within herself, masking it with as easy a stoicism as she could muster. Flashing Finn a well-meaning smile, she repeated, in a softer tone, “ _I'm fine, thank you._ ”

Finn smiled back, and Elsa thought she could see the tension in his shoulders lessen. Walking over to the table, he pulled out a chair for her. Elsa smiled and thanked him before seating herself. She watched out of the corner of her eye as he sat himself beside her, and noticed how he very carefully arranged himself to not lean towards her but away from her.

Actually, like this, he faced her more than the others, while still keeping a respectable distance.

Elsa was just so unsure how to feel about this! Finn, for all intents and purposes, seemed to be conveying to her that he respected her and she could trust him, without enforcing it with words. And she was getting the sense he really meant it.

But still doubt gripped her, words of caution repeated to her time and time again from her parents now burned into memory within her own head.

How could she be so sure?

* * *

 

“So what do you guys wanna do now?”

The boys had finished paying for the dinner, leaving behind a tip, and the group made their way out of the diner. Elsa watched, somewhat fascinated, as Finn made short work of his _fourth_ chocolate milkshake. He had only ordered it less than a few minutes before and he was already halfway finished with it. In fact, Elsa had noticed throughout the dinner that Finn ate with fervor. She didn't think she saw anyone with such a big appetite before, or clear their plate in such record time as Finn did.

Elsa was so distracted she just barely reacted in time before walking into a wall.

“Does anybody need to be home early?” Sven was asking, looking at her and the other girls. Aurora and Belle immediately looked to Elsa, who only shrugged and looked down.

“M-my parents want me home by 9.”

Kristoff frowned. “9? It's past 7:30 now, that gives you barely an hour to—oof!” He rubbed at the spot of his ribs where Finn elbowed him and glared. “Finn, what the hell.”

Finn glared back. “That's plenty of time to find something to do.” He slurped up the last of his milkshake ( _How did he finish it so quickly?_ ) before throwing it into the trashcan. He looked around in the shopping center before his eyes alighted on something and he smiled. “How about some gaming?”

Everyone turned in the direction Finn pointed. Elsa stared up at the modest building across the street, the sign above reading “Litwak's Family Fun Center and Arcade.” The others seemed content with this idea, talking excitedly as they began to walk in its direction. Elsa felt uneasiness tighten in her stomach, and she wanted to look to somebody, anybody, for help on what to do. But the girls had already gone ahead with their own dates, leaving her to stand awkwardly while trying to come to a decision on her own.

“ _Did you wanna do something else?_ ”

Elsa jumped a little but quickly wrestled her nerves back into her control. She shook her head, staring down at her shoes. “ _I'm fine, really. I just… I don't…_ ”

“ _You don't have to play the games if you don't want to. You can just watch… or we can do something else._ ”

Elsa smiled. She really did appreciate Finn speaking to her in Norwegian. She wasn't sure what it was that calmed her down exactly, but there was a strange feeling of home to their conversations when he spoke to her in their native tongue. She looked to him and saw him smile, and she noticed the concerned look in his eyes that had never seemed to leave all night.

A strange warmth glowed in the pit of her chest.

“ _I'm fine with the games, honestly. But I won't know what to do._ ”

Finn beamed. “ _That's okay, I'll show you! Or you can just watch, like I said._ ”

Elsa nodded, smiling. Her heart raced and her legs ached and there was a voice in the back of her head convinced that this whole thing was a terrible mistake. But still she found herself walking alongside Finn, trailing after the others as they waited for them to catch up.

When they got to the arcade, the others set out to enjoy their games. Elsa was tempted to stand by the girls and watch them, but they were attached at the hip to their respective dates, and they weren't actually playing any of the games themselves. And she felt guilty about thinking of leaving Finn to play by himself. So she followed him as he immediately walked up to one specific arcade game.

Elsa looked up at the title.

“Gauntlet?”

Finn smiled. “ _It's a fun game. Kind of hard and frustrating at times, but I like it. Kris and Sven and I play together a lot._ ” He rolled his eyes. “ _I think they're too busy trying to show off for Aurora and Belle right now, though._ ” He shrugged.

“ _How do you play it?_ ”

Finn paused for a few moments before continuing in English, “Well, four people can play. You choose between four characters: the Warrior, who's the best at melee, the Wizard, who has the most powerful magic, the Valkyrie, who has the best armor, and the Elf, who's the fastest. And, basically, you fight your way through different dungeons, picking up potions, food, and keys as you try to find the exit to continue the game until, well, you die.”

Finn fiddled around with the controls a bit, as if suddenly too aware of himself, before shaking his head and continuing, “There's two buttons. One is Fire, which is your ranged attack, and the other is Magic, which is self-explanatory. There's certain items in the game that do special things, like increase your health, or potions that can kill all the enemies on screen, and it gets harder and harder to progress. Also, your health keeps dwindling, and to keep yourself alive, you have to eat food. Or, well, you die. You can revive your character and continue if you insert a coin within a certain time frame.” He smirked. “It's a way to keep people like me giving them more money.”

“It sounds… complicated.”

Finn shrugged. “I may just not be explaining it right. Uh… did you, wanna play?”

Elsa considered it. It had the potential to be fun, but was also intimidating. It sounded like a recipe for her to panic and make a mess of things. And in front of Finn. Shaking her head, Elsa smiled and said, “I'll just watch.”

Finn smiled. “Okay! Give me good vibes then that I don't suck and make a fool of myself.”

Elsa laughed. “I don't think you could, considering I have nothing to really compare you to.”

“Heh, I guess that's true.” Finn inserted a coin into the machine and quickly chose the Valkyrie as his player. “It's pretty good not to have standards to appeal to, actually. Still, my pride refuses anything less than perfect.”

Elsa smiled wide. She was starting to realize that Finn had made her smile a lot that night. She still wasn't sure what it was about him that drew her in, and so easily, too. But then, it was only to be expected. She was a girl, he was a boy; girls were meant to be attracted to boys, and Finn was attractive in both physical appearance and his outgoing personality. Her parents had warned her it was easy to fall into this sort of thing, so she had only herself to blame.

As the night continued, they began to fall back into silence. But Elsa felt an itch to learn more about Finn. She was beginning to regret not speaking up during the dinner; she hadn't meant to give him the cold shoulder, to close him and the others off. It was rude of her. She wouldn't have been surprised if he was hurt by her, or even didn't like her. But astonishingly, Finn seemed to possess an uncanny sort of patience in regards to her. He was nothing but kind and understanding, and took the constant lull in conversation with ease. Elsa couldn't quite understand it. If this was an act, she had to kind of marvel at his dedication.

But… _something_ in her sincerely doubted that. Something, some voice, surging up to the forefront of her mind truly believed that he was sincere and kind and only sought her own comfort.

Elsa felt her body relax, her arms held in a more natural position.

“ _So… you like video games?_ ”

“Hm?” Finn blinked, as if caught off guard, but quickly recovered with a bright smile. “ _Oh, yeah, I like video games. I play them a lot._ ”

“ _What kind of games do you play?_ ”

“ _Role-playing games. Fantasy games. Games where you can go on adventures and beat baddies and, just… pretend you're someone else for a bit. Games with worlds and stories you can get lost in._ ”

Elsa thought about it. That sounded… like fun, actually.

“ _Maybe I can show you someday._ ”

Elsa blinked and looked up to see Finn's shoulders hunched up to his neck, eyes staring very pointedly at the game screen. He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair, and Elsa could see his face was red. She smiled.

“ _That could be fun._ ”

Finn looked to her, blinking. A look of shock and… confusion, maybe, masked his face. But then it fell away quickly and he smiled—a charming, crooked smile. Elsa smiled back.

It was rather fun, actually, to watch Finn play this game. His character died a handful of times and he quickly inserted more coins to continue, but he displayed a certain level of proficiency that spoke of just how often he spent his time playing this game. Elsa caught herself wondering how much better he would have done with his friends to play with.

But he still spoke to her, asking if she was okay, if she wanted to play or do anything else. It was endearing; he would actually turn away from his game to speak to her, eyes alight with concern, and then relief when she responded she was just fine. He would crack jokes as he played, a voice to fill the silence and to keep her involved, and she actually found herself laughing. It was comforting, but also, strange.

“ _Still okay, Elsa?_ ”

She smiled. “ _I'm fine, thank you._ ”

Finn raised an eyebrow. “ _You sure? You've, uh, kinda just been staring at me for the past few minutes._ ”

Elsa blinked. “Oh… _I'm sorry. I hadn't realized._ ”

“ _Is there something you wanna say?_ ”

Elsa shook her head and stared down at her hands. “ _No._ ” Silence stretched before them, thoughts whirling in her head, before she sighed and said, “ _Actually, yes, but… I don't want to offend._ ”

Finn hummed in thought. “They say curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.”

“Huh?”

“ _Nothing, never mind._ ” He flashed her a smile. “ _Go ahead and say what you wanna say._ ”

Elsa swallowed and curled her fingers tightly into fists. Her heart hammered against her ribcage and into her throat and she attempted to swallow it back down. “ _Well, I was—I was thinking… you see, I don't…_ ” Her voice caught in her throat and the words just wouldn't move.

“ _It's okay, Els, I'm not gonna get mad or anything. I'll just tell you if I find something uncomfortable._ ”

Elsa smiled slightly. Her body relaxed a bit and she sighed. “ _I just, it's funny, you weren't at all what I was expecting._ ”

Finn raised an eyebrow. “ _What were you expecting?_ ”

“ _Well, most boys are kind of… loud, and rowdy, like your friends._ ” She looked over her shoulder to see Kristoff and Sven playing some fighting game, shoving each other, while Aurora and Belle sat a table nearby taking turns giggling over their dates and spying on her and Finn. Elsa sighed and turned back. “ _And mean. Really mean, actually. Not to say your friends are mean! But you're um… you're none of those things. You're actually very… kind, and gentle._ ”

Finn didn't respond. He went unusually quiet, and his whole body seemed stiff. Elsa felt dread pool at the bottom of her stomach. Stupid, she was so stupid. She shouldn't have said anything.

“ _I'm sorry._ ”

“Hm? _Oh, no! I'm not—I'm not offended, Elsa, I promise. I guess I just… wasn't expecting that._ ”

His voice lowered into a hush before trailing off. Elsa took a closer look at him and noticed he looked paler than before, but that might have just been an effect of the game's screen.

Finn let out a sudden exhale that turned into a harsh laugh. “It's funny you say I'm not loud or rowdy because I can actually be really obnoxious sometimes. Like, it's not uncommon for me to get… overwhelming for people. I've just been… really careful about that tonight. I don't wanna, like, upset you or anything. So just, forewarning, I can be a bit too much. But please let me know, because I really don't wanna make you uncomfortable.”

“I will, thank you.”

Finn smiled, a small barely-there smile. “I wouldn't say it's a boy thing, it's more of a… me-thing. Though, I totally get what you're saying.” Finn shrugged. “I… realized a while ago I've always been kind of… different from the other boys.”

Elsa wasn't sure what to say to that, so she only nodded.

“There are, I guess, certain traits you get. As a boy. That you might not otherwise get. I mean…” Suddenly Finn scowled, and Elsa distinctly thought it did not fit him at all. “It doesn't help that I've lived among a horde of men for most of my life.”

“Oh? Do you have a lot of brothers?”

“Seven.”

What.

“Yeah, heh… four older brothers, and three younger brothers. All my older brothers have since moved onto college, or are college graduates. My oldest brother recently married. They're such _golden boys._ ”

Elsa frowned. She didn't like the tone Finn used when talking about his brothers, and she felt maybe she was prying too much but she had to ask, “Do you… get along with them?”

Finn smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. “My younger brothers are alright. Lukas is a butt most of the time but he's like… a tolerable butt.” Finn shrugged. “They're brothers.”

Elsa nodded. She sighed and leaned against the arcade machine. “I don't have any siblings.”

“None?”

Elsa shook her head.

“Do you ever get lonely?”

“A little.”

Finn looked over to her and smiled. It was soft, gentle, kind, and spoke of a silent sympathy. Elsa smiled back. She inched closer to him, keeping a good enough distance as she watched him continue to play.

The rest of their time together was spent in mutual and comfortable silence, enjoying each other's company and time without saying or doing too much. Nice and easy, no need to prove themselves to each other or anyone else.

It was, in a sense, perfection.

* * *

 

Anna didn't know when it happened or how it happened, but by the end of the night, she knew.

_I'm crushing, hardcore._

Elsa was just… perfect. Kind, beautiful, soft, funny (when she actually let herself relax enough to joke), and just… perfect. Anna found herself several times desiring to kiss her, to at least hug her. She wanted to be able to wrap her arms around Elsa. To hold each other close and just rest, a perfect quiet moment for them to share with only each other.

Anna wasn't surprised she was shy and kept to herself and she tried to be accommodating, feeling the manic excited energy ready to burst at the seams and doing her best to keep it cool, controlled. She wondered if Elsa could sense it, as several times, she could detect a hint of concern in the way Elsa approached her, in the way she spoke to her.

Yet there was a side to her that she kept perfectly locked up and out of Anna's reach. Anna could sense it, though she couldn't see it, and she was fine with that. They could get to know each other better later, when they were more comfortable with each other.

She was longing for more time to spend with Elsa. But of course, the night had to end.

“Here, Finn.”

Anna looked up to find Kristoff handing her a plate with two slices of pizza and a can of soda. Her taste buds leaped with joy as she took them, quickly mumbling, “Thanks, Kris,” before shoving half of one slice into her mouth.

“You're already eating?”

Anna looked up from her plate to see all three girls staring at her, wide-eyed. Elsa and Belle had their mouths closed shut; it was Aurora who spoke up.

“You just had like a full meal and four chocolate shakes!”

Anna stood there, half of a slice of pizza hanging from her mouth, and feeling her face go very, very red. Shrugging, she tried to say, “I'm still hungry.” Instead, it came out as, “Imff ill hunmmfy.”

Kristoff and Sven burst out laughing. Aurora looked shocked and Belle looked… impressed?

Elsa, though, actually smiled. She covered her mouth with one hand and let out a quiet giggle. The sound made Anna's heart leap.

Anna finished chewing and swallowed the rest of the pizza down. “I, uh, have a big appetite.”

Kristoff put an arm around Anna's shoulders and she scowled. “We like to refer to Finn as the Living Vacuum. We think, if he could get away with it, he'd never stop eating.”

Anna rolled her eyes, but she smiled when she once again heard the soft and melodic sound of Elsa's laughter. As the group made their way back to the parking lot, and Anna finished off the rest of her pizza and guzzled down her soda, she noticed she and Elsa walked alongside each other, behind the others, as they talked about school starting soon. Anna turned to Elsa, who was staring very pointedly at her own shoes, before clearing her throat and resting her hands behind her head.

“So, Elsa, you're going to Arendelle High this year, right?”

Elsa nodded. “I'll be a senior.”

Anna nodded. “If um, you want, I can help show you around school. I mean, I'm sure Aurora and Belle have offered and if you feel more comfortable with them showing you around, I totally understand—”

“I'm fine.”

She said it so quickly at first, Anna was caught a bit off guard. She immediately silenced, shoving her hands into her pockets and keeping her head down, though she realized very quickly Elsa hadn't actually answered… anything.

Elsa sighed. “ _I'm sorry, I meant… I would be fine, happy, even, if you helped show me around. The girls have offered, and I've said yes, but… I wouldn't mind someone else being there, too._ ”

She smiled, and Anna felt like she might have a heart attack.

When they reached the cars and were saying their goodbyes, making promises to meet up again before school started, Anna asked Elsa for her phone number.

“Oh, I don't… I don't have a cell phone.” Elsa ducked her head and hugged her arms close to her chest, digging her nails into her skin. “I'm sorry.”

Anna smiled and shrugged. “ _Well, how about I give you my number and you can call me? That way you don't get in trouble with your parents when some random person is calling your house._ ”

Elsa laughed. “ _That would actually probably work out for the best, yes._ ”

Anna dug around in Kristoff's truck for a piece of paper and pen. She quickly wrote down her number in clear, fine, easy-to-read writing. She caught herself about to write down “Anna's number,” but quickly changed the A into an F and wrote “Finn's number,” scowling to herself. Then she folded it into a small paper crane.

“ _You can say you made it,_ ” she said as she handed it over to Elsa, “ _or that Aurora or Belle gave it to you. Just so you don't have to explain why you have some boy's number, you know?_ ”

Elsa's face went inexplicably red and she took the crane into trembling hands. Nodding, she swallowed and whispered, “ _Thank you, Finn._ ”

Anna did her best not to wince, and there was a knot in her stomach. But there was also something else, a strange sort of warmth that spread to the tips of her fingers. She knew what it meant, she even kind of dreaded it, but she also embraced it.

Just this once, while she could afford to.

When they split, Anna walked backwards, keeping Elsa in her line of sight as she waved goodbye, told her they would, at least, see each other at school, and watched her as she got into the backseat of Aurora's car. Anna didn't want to turn around but eventually she did. She stuck her hands into the pockets of her jacket and squeezed into the middle seat.

She felt strangely light.

“So?”

Anna recoiled at the sudden jab of an elbow to her ribs. Grumbling and rubbing at the sore spot, she looked to Sven, who was waggling his eyebrows. “So, what?”

“Thoughts? Opinions? Proclamations of love?”

Anna rolled her eyes. “You guys are too much.” She shrugged. “Elsa's nice.”

“Wow. Just nice, huh. You're truly a master of words.”

“Okay, she's amazing. She's beautiful, wonderful, spectacular, I'm crushing hardcore, and I really, _really_ wanna hang out with her again.”

“Haha, that's more like it!” Sven rested his elbow on her head. “You're growing up, Fi—Anna. Soon you're gonna get married and have two kids with a third on the way and a house on the beach somewhere.”

“Ew.”

“Actually, Sven just reminded me of something.” Kristoff spoke up as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Are you gonna… you know, tell her? About the… trans-girl thing?”

It was as if all the warmth got sucked out of her body, leaving behind an empty chill that strangled her. The truck became thickly silent and Sven moved his arm, giving her space. Anna sat there, deep in thought.

How would Elsa react if she knew? Elsa had gone on about how she “wasn't like the other boys” and she said it as if it were a good thing, but… how would she feel about it, if she knew the truth?

Kristoff _did_ say she came from a very religious family.

Anna sighed and ran her hands down her face. “I don't know. I'll… think about it. In the meantime, I guess I'll just… feel it out? See how things go?”

Kristoff nodded, eyes firmly on the road ahead. Sven put his arm around her but said nothing. The whole car ride back was quiet.

When the boys dropped her off and said their goodbyes, Anna had space to herself to really think about the night. Her time spent with Elsa firmly at the forefront of her mind, with Elsa's smile and laughter and gentle voice sending her heart stuttering in its place. A large, goofy grin spread over her face and she tried to hide it with her collar of her jacket but failed to hide the skip in her steps. She bounced all the way to her front door, heart doing somersaults as she opened the door and stepped inside, only to be greeted by her mother's scowl.

“What are you skipping for?”

Anna blinked, frozen mid-step. “Um, I was happy?”

“Well, don't. You look ridiculous.”

“Don't be happy?”

Her mother's scowl turned into an outright glare. “Office. Now.”

Anna watched as her mother turned on her heel and walked into her father's office. She sighed, feeling drained as she apprehensively followed her mother into the room, dragging her feet. Her father was seated at his desk, hands folded in front of him, and her mother was standing next to him, arms crossed sternly.

“Yes?”

“First of all,” her father spoke gruffly, “you do not speak to your mother that way. Ever.”

Anna hunched her shoulders to her neck and shoved her hands into her pockets. Her father had a skill for sounding foreboding and dominant without raising his voice above a whisper. She could only nod.

“And there is no need for a sixteen-year-old boy to be _skipping_ , happy or not. You're a young man now, so act like it.”

Anna clenched her jaw shut to keep herself from saying anything.

“Now… where have you been?”

“I was out with my friends, like I said earlier.”

“What were you _doing?_ ” Her mother snapped. “We're your parents and you need to tell us what you've been up to.”

Anna thought of Elsa—her smile, her laughter, her gentle voice. She thought of Elsa patiently standing there beside her, watching her play a game she hadn't the slightest idea of and likely didn't even care about, but still she was willing to watch, because it was something Anna enjoyed. She thought of the paper crane with her number on it and the promise to see each other soon, to hang out at school, to spend more time together.

Giddiness and elation and that same strange warmth flooded her senses and she couldn't fight the dumb lovesick smile that erupted onto her face.

“ _Finn Solberg, you answer us right now, or you're grounded._ ”

Anna looked up at her parents, making sure to stare them straight in the eyes as she said, “I met a girl.”

Silence overtook the room as her parents seemed unable to respond, dumbstruck or angry or just lost for words. Anna's smile widened further, practically manic as she waved and said, “Good night!” and promptly turned and skipped out the room.

She made sure to twirl just before she reached the base of the stairs and waltzed out of sight.


	4. Out of Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Dysphoria, misgendering, deadnaming, homophobic slurs, emotional abuse, child abuse. If you think there's anything I've missed, please let me know.
> 
> Some of this chapter is from Elsa's point of view. As she does not know Anna is trans, the narrative refers to Anna as "Finn" with he/him pronouns.

**Chapter Four**

**Out of Place**

“I can't believe _you_ of all people got a girlfriend.”

Anna sighed as she took a single jar of peanut butter and jelly off the shelf and put it into the cart. Her mother promptly took it out of the cart and replaced it with two jars of chunky peanut butter. Anna made a disgusted look but made sure to turn away and hide it, and resigned herself to looking longingly at the jars of Nutella that she didn't even _try_ to put into the cart.

“One date doesn't make her my girlfriend, gremlin.” Anna muttered, then flashed him a smug grin. “And believe it or not, I'm actually fairly popular with the ladies.”

Lukas scoffed, pushing up against the front of the cart and jerking it back and forth. “What do you do to fool them into thinking you're anything other than a dweeby faggot?”

Anna leaned over and hooked her foot around his ankles, and kicked. Lukas' feet flew out from under him and he stumbled, grappling for the cart to prevent himself from falling and hitting his chin. He glared at Anna, who only smiled back. Until she promptly felt a hard _smack_ against the back of her head.

“Ow!”

“Oh, _you're_ hurt? You almost sent your brother face-first into the cart.” Her mother glared her down and Anna took a step back. “Touch your brother again and you're gonna get it worse.”

“ _He's_ the one calling _me_ names.” Anna growled.

“Oh, grow up, Finn. You're the older one, start acting like it.”

Anna rolled her eyes. “He's only two years younger,” she muttered under her breath, distinctly ignoring the smug look on her brother's face as they followed their mother down the aisle. “It's not like he doesn't have the mental capacity to stop acting like a little shit.”

Lukas' eyes widened but their mother never stopped or turned back, showing she didn't hear what Anna said. Anna glared at her brother and he looked away, pushing the cart up to catch up with their mother. Anna watched him but he didn't lean over or say anything, apparently deciding not to rat her out, and she let her shoulders relax.

The memory of the night before still lingered in the forefront of her mind, keeping her spirits considerably raised despite the attention it was bringing her. Her brother was being the snot-nosed brat he always was and her mother couldn't help the snide comments, as usual, but Anna noticed her parents displayed a bit of interest in the matter. That morning she had woken up to a series of questions from her mother in a bad attempt to seem casual about the whole thing.

“So, who is this girl you saw?” she had asked.

Anna had shrugged, sitting at the table eating her breakfast. She moved her eggs around, feeling very self-aware as her mother's piercing gaze fell on her. She took a quick bite to keep herself quiet as she thought over how she was gonna respond. It took her a good ten seconds, reaching for her drink and covering her mouth as she said, “Her name's Elsa. She's, uh, a friend of a friend.”

“Which friend?”

Anna had taken a considerable gulp of her apple juice, washing the food down as she swallowed, and continued to mull over her words. Licking her lips, she said, “These girls we know from school. Uh, Kris and Sven and I. We met up with them at the arcade, had some dinner, played some games.”

“How old is she?”

“She's gonna be a senior.”

Her mother raised an eyebrow. “At Arendelle High?”

Anna had nodded. She smiled brightly and said, “She just moved over from Norway.”

In that instance, Anna once again found herself witness to one of those exceedingly rare moments where she managed to catch her mother off-guard. The older woman's eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up, and Anna savored the image of her mother offering a genuine smile as she responded, “Oh! Well, that'll be nice for her to have someone from home to spend time with here in this little town. Help her acclimatize.”

Anna had only nodded, choosing not to say anything else as she dug back into her breakfast. It wasn't really a secret in the family that Janne Omdahl-Solberg loved Norway, was completely attached to her homeland, and absolutely detested the idea of moving and probably still regretted it. If it wasn't for Edvard Solberg, Sr., and his _insistence_ that they move to America, she would have most likely found her own farm to call home and be completely content with her mostly quiet life. But Anna's father spent most of his young life going back and forth between the States and Norway and grew to prefer the American culture and atmosphere over his Scandinavian country of origin, and while dating Anna's mother, felt restless and unsettled staying in Tromsø for as long as they did.

Eventually, four kids later, he had won out, and they moved to a little town in North Carolina. And it wasn't like they didn't instill an appreciation of the Norwegian culture into their kids—learning the language, learning the foods, and introduced to some of the popular music and bands from Norway and other Scandinavian countries—but since then, the family inevitably became much like any other American household.

Anna's mother never really got over it.

So the knowledge that there was a family who had just moved over from Norway, whose teenage daughter was going to the same high school as her teenage “son” and said teenage “son” could potentially start dating this girl… Anna imagined her mother was actually excited at the prospect, despite her need to put Anna down for almost everything she ever did.

As for her father… well, Anna could never be one hundred percent sure what her father was thinking at any moment. His indifferent demeanor and “disappointed but not surprised” attitude regarding his middle child generally never changed—unless Anna did something spectacularly disappointing enough to truly get his attention—and Anna never felt comfortable having his attention, as much as she despised his neglect. And since coming home that night, nothing had really changed between them. But she would catch her father watching her, or outright approaching her. Before she left with her mother for the store, he had enlisted her help on fixing the garage door. It was very surreal, and Anna experienced something of an out-of-body feeling that she was sure was just her being over-dramatic.

Still, there was a very clear shift in the house, and Anna wasn't sure how to take it.

“Hey, scrublord!”

Anna jumped out of her reverie at the sound of her brother yelling from several feet away, and noticed him turning a corner with the cart, their mother out of sight. He was watching her, a look of both confusion and amusement on his face, and he scoffed and called out to her, “Stop daydreaming and hurry up before we leave you behind again.” And then he vanished into the next aisle.

Anna growled. _That was one time, and definitely not my fault._ Anna ran to catch up with her brother, jumping behind him and digging her nails into his sides and earning a very satisfying yelp. She smirked and ducked out of the way of his elbow to stand at the side of the cart.

“Hey, Mom, can we get cookies, please?” She yanked a packet of Oreos from the nearby shelf and held it up, pleading.

“No, no!” Lukas snatched another one, handing it to Anna. “Get the ones with chocolate stuffing!”

“Absolutely not,” their mother responded, rolling her eyes at their exaggerated pouts. “I already let you two eat far more sweets and junk food than you should. Now come, help me figure out what we're going to have for dinner.”

“Can't we eat something junky for once, Mom?” Lukas groaned, taking the packet of cookies from Anna and discreetly placing them both at the bottom of the cart. “Like ordering pizza or something?”

“Or at least eat something with actual flavor.” Anna mumbled.

Lukas snorted in laughter and her mother sighed. “Very funny. I work so hard to keep my children fed and healthy and this is how I'm thanked, with smart ass commentary.”

“Only one smart ass.” Anna claimed, dragging Lukas into a casual headlock. Her brother squawked and flailed his arms in an attempt to free himself.

Anna's mother pointed at her accusingly. “What did I say about touching your brother? Let him go now.”

“I'm just playing with him, I'm not actually—”

“Oh, so it's only playing around when _you_ do it.” Her mother leaned down and grabbed the two packets of Oreos her brother had tried to hide, glaring at Anna. “And stop trying to put junk food in the cart.”

“But I didn't—”

“Honestly, Finn, I would think with how much you eat, you would at least have enough sense to eat healthier foods, and not all these sweets you keep trying to persuade me to buy. It's not good for you, and you're just going to get fat if you keep it up.” Her mother shook her head as she continued down the aisle, not looking back. “You should honestly think about how your actions will affect your future.”

Anna's face burned and the skin on the back of her neck crawled. Her chest emptied and a painful sob lodged in her throat, fire stinging the backs of her eyes. Anna swallowed thickly, clenching her fists and crossing her arms tight across her chest. She could sense her brother hesitating next to her, looking back and forth between her and their mother, before sullenly pushing the cart along, leaving her standing there.

_I knew coming here would be a bad idea._

But it's not like the alternative was any better.

* * *

 

Salvation came in the form of a Great Dane.

“Max, holy shi—” She practically threw herself against him to get him to sit down and stand still, but still he wiggled his way out of her grasp. “Stop moving! Calm down, Max, I need to put your leash on.”

The Great Dane kept jumping and spinning in circles, barking and panting excitedly as his whip-like tail repeatedly whacked against her knees. It took her five minutes just to get the damn leash on, when Max seemed to sense her frustration and finally deigned to calm down enough. Anna let out a deep sigh and sunk onto the floor against the kitchen island, her heart beating fast in her chest from the exertion. Max resumed his leaping for joy, yanking the leash out of her hand as he ran towards the front door.

“I think… this… is good enough exercise… for me.”

Anna gulped in air and waited for her energy to return.

When it came to walking the dog, the task was assigned to Anna, Lukas, and their father, and they rotated. Anna's mother hated walking the dog and they had given up on trying to ask for her help. But Anna didn't really blame her mother because, well, it _was_ kind of a pain.

So it fell to her, her brother, and her father to take on this particular chore. Between the three of them, Anna and Lukas walked Max the most, as their father was often so busy, though he certainly had the easiest of times with walking the Great Dane. Lukas tried to shirk his responsibilities when it came to walking Max as much as he could, which would be fine if it didn't then fall to Anna to have to pick up his slack. And today, as soon as they got home, Anna's mother took Lukas to his boy scouts meeting, and her father was once again busy with work, which meant that it was Anna's turn to walk Max.

She wasn't too terribly upset about it. The worst part was just getting Max to calm down so she could actually take him on the walk, and it gave her an excuse to leave the house, especially when she otherwise couldn't or didn't have the boys to enlist for help.

But with how much bigger and faster Max was, her small frame really stood no chance in holding ground. Anna had found a way to work around that, however, so while it made just walking him a nightmare, it _did_ make walking him perfect for, say, skateboarding.

“Alright, alright, buddy,” Anna wheezed as she finally got up, Max whimpering and howling in the foyer, scratching at the front door. She picked up her board and tucked it under her arm. “We're gonna get going now, don't worry.”

She picked up his leash and made to open the door. Leaning back, she called out, “Taking Max on a walk, Dad. I'll be back in thirty minutes.”

She heard a grunt in response and sighed, frustrated. Standing before the door, she hesitated, then said even louder, “Hey Dad, I'm gonna go smoke some weed and drop some E, and I might not come back until Friday.”

Another grunt.

Anna sighed and shrugged, finally opening the front door and being led by Max out into the front yard. She barely managed to turn back and close the door.

It was a beautiful day out, nice and sunny and with a gentle breeze. The quiet of the suburbs would have weighed down a bit too much on Anna, but it was balanced out with the hum of car engines in the distance and the sounds of birds chirping. Some ways down, she heard kids playing in the front yard. She took in a deep breath and smiled, before being whisked off her feet by the domestic bear she was currently looking after.

“Max! Slow down!”

She walked him—or rather, was forced to follow him—to the left, but she made sure to keep him at a steady pace for now. She would let him get crazy as soon as they cleared most of the houses and got to the park. For now, though, she would rather not have to deal with neighbor's complaints and the resulting consequence of said complaints reaching her parents.

Especially if said complaints came from the first house they passed by.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Westerguard!” Anna raised a hand and offered a friendly smile when the older man set his gaze on her as he got out of his car. He merely nodded his head and offered a gruff “good day,” watching her closely as she walked Max past his yard before diverting his attention. Anna let out a breath before prompting Max to speed up a little.

Once they got a comfortable distance away from the houses, with the park in sight, and Anna's arm straining and sore from the force required to keep Max from bounding, Anna finally relaxed.

“Alright, buddy,” she said, placing her skateboard down on the sidewalk. “Go for it.”

It was easy to get lost in the liberating speed; in the rush of wind and sun and sound, the mid-afternoon rabble of rushing through a park at the end of summer, Anna could escape for just a moment. Think of a lifetime where nothing felt complicated, wrong, or suffocating, where she was born the way she wanted to be, in the body she was meant to be. Without having to say anything or prove anything, she could be honest with herself. She could be that sixteen-year-old girl, racing past everyone without a care in the world, the wind rushing past her, the sun soaking into her skin, and an easy smile tugged at her lips. She looked around at her surroundings, at the kids playing, the moms chatting, people getting out and enjoying the time they had.

A flash of blonde hair sent her heart leaping into her throat.

Anna stumbled and fell off her skateboard, struggling not to slam into the pavement face-first with the momentum. Luckily, she got control of herself without too much of a hassle, pulling back on Max's leash before he had a chance to drag her halfway through the park. Her face reddened under the sudden attention directed her way, and she smiled sheepishly, before a soft voice sent her heart racing again.

“Finn?”

Anna swallowed the heart attack down, putting a padlock on the thoughts running rampant in her head as she turned to face her.

Elsa.

She stood there, wearing a dark blue cardigan, white skirt, and leggings, glasses perched on her nose and long braid falling down one shoulder. A thick book was cradled in her arms. Anna felt heat pool in her cheeks and she looked up to find Elsa staring at her, a strange look of both apprehension and elation.

Anna smiled, wide. “Hey, Elsa! I, uh… wasn't expecting to see you here.”

Elsa shrugged, averting her eyes to the ground as she nervously wrung her hands. “I just… felt like taking a walk. This park is nice, it's easier to focus on my reading.”

“What are you reading?”

Elsa ducked her head and held on tighter to the book, clutching it to her chest. Anna stood there, smiling, unsure of how to proceed but doing her best to appear casual. She was about to tell Elsa never mind, that she didn't have to show her the book if she didn't want to, as she was clearly uncomfortable. Before she got a chance to, Elsa awkwardly held the book out in display. Anna immediately recognized the Norwegian title and book cover.

“Oh, cool! You like Harry Potter?”

Elsa shrugged. “I… enjoy it. My parents don't really like it, or much of the other books I read, but they don't say anything about it. They just try to get me to read other less… fantastical books.” Elsa shrugged again, clutching the book back to her chest. “I tend to read away from home.”

Anna frowned. “Well that's not fair.”

Elsa looked up at her, eyes wide and mouth open in that small surprised “o” shape. Anna cringed, ready to take back her words, but then decided against it.

“Well, it's not. So you like a type of book they don't like, and they're gonna make you feel uncomfortable because of it? Uncomfortable enough to leave your own house? I mean, my parents hate my video games, but aside from my mom getting angry if I spend too much time gaming, they don't really say anything about it.”

Elsa's eyes only grew wider and her face became red. Anna could feel her own skin heating up and rubbed the back of her neck. Mulling over her words, she sighed and gave in.

“ _I'm sorry… I shouldn't have spoken out of turn like that. I just get… fired up about those kinds of things._ ”

Elsa cleared her throat and nodded, looking away. “ _I understand. I… don't really like it, either._ ”

Anna smiled sympathetically. “ _So, how far into it are you?_ ” she asked, trying to lighten the mood again. When Elsa only tilted her head in question, Anna pointed to the book.

Elsa immediately reacted, and her eyes shone with a bright light. “Oh! _I'm almost done, actually. About two more chapters left. Belle helped me find a Norwegian copy in the town's library. It's really fun to read!_ ”

“ _Wait, when did you get the book?_ ”

Elsa's face turned red again, and Anna couldn't help the smile that broke through. “Um… _We went to the library earlier this morning._ ”

Anna burst out in laughter, quickly covering her mouth and trying, and failing, to suppress it. Her body still shook in quiet giggles that only intensified at the sight of Elsa's glowering pout. Anna decided it was adorable.

“ _Hey, I'm not judging,_ ” Anna said once she had her laughter under control. “ _That's impressive. I wish I could read that fast. It's not that I don't enjoy reading, I just can't read too fast or my brain doesn't really… retain anything, you know?_ ”

Elsa recovered from her embarrassment and nodded, smiling slightly. “ _That's understandable. I mean, so long as you're enjoying the book, right?_ ”

Anna beamed, her smile wide and crooked. “ _Exactly!_ ”

Elsa laughed softly and it was the most beautiful sound Anna had ever heard. She could get lost in it, and she almost did. Until something large, dark, and hairy almost knocked her over.

“MAX!!” Anna shoved the dog down and pulled on his leash. “ _Bad boy, sit down!_ ”

Max whined pitifully but did as he was told. He ducked his head and held his leg up to bump his paw against Anna's arm, clearly begging to keep going with their walk. Anna shook her head “no” and the dog whined and lay down at her feet, looking up at her.

Anna looked up to see Elsa almost curled up, eyes wide with fright. “Sorry about that, this is my dog, Max. He's uh… very large and excitable.”

Elsa nodded, still curled away. “Indeed.”

“He's actually a nice dog! Here,” Anna knelt down by the great dane, a hand on his collar to warm him to keep calm. “Give him a pet.”

Elsa didn't move from her spot, staring down at Max with uncertainty and suspicion. She looked back up at Anna, who nodded encouragingly, before slowly uncurling from her cowering position. She hesitated a full five seconds before slowly walking over to where they rested. Max jerked a little, excited at the prospect of some love and attention from a new friend, and Elsa jumped back. Anna held firmly onto Max's collar and soothed him, instructing him to stay still.

“It's okay, Els, he won't hurt you. Promise.”

Elsa raised an eyebrow as she studied Anna, and Anna felt the back of her neck heat up. She cleared her throat and smiled genuinely, showing good intention.

“If you don't want to, it's okay. I just want you to be comfortable around him, is all.”

A strange emotion could be seen in the depths of Elsa's eyes, and an odd little smile curled at the corner of her lips. Nodding her head, Elsa slowly knelt down by Max's side, raising a trembling hand to pat the top of his head. Max arched his head to lick at her hand, and the smile on her face grew wider. Anna smiled, too, watching her scratch behind the dog's ears, the tension from her body slowly loosening.

“He is a very nice dog.”

“Yeah, it's easy to get him over-excited,” Anna admitted. “My dad wanted a huge dog, my mom didn't really want _any_ dog, but definitely not a big dog. My dad won out in the end.”

“What about you and your brothers?”

Anna shrugged. “We would've been fine with a smaller dog. Or even just, like, a golden retriever. They're nice dogs. Cliché, maybe, but nice dogs. Anyways, like I said, my dad won out. Max can be a bit of a pain but… he's filled with nothing but love.”

Elsa smiled as Max licked at her fingers again, his tail wagging enthusiastically. _Thank God he's not hitting her with it,_ Anna thought.

“What about you?” she asked. “Do you have any pets?”

Elsa sighed, her smile turning somewhat sad. “No. My parents don't really like pets.”

“… Do you?”

Elsa shrugged. “I do, though I'm admittedly not the best with dogs, as you could probably tell.”

“What about cats?”

Elsa smiled wide. “I like cats. But, again, my parents would never let me own one.”

Anna mused on this for a while, watching Elsa pet Max one last time before standing up. As she stood up, making a gesture for Max to stay seated, she said, “Well, you know, you only have one year of school left before graduation.”

Elsa raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Anna smiled wide and gestured enthusiastically. “Well, who knows. Maybe even in a year you could have your own place. No pesky parents and all the fantasy books and pet cats your heart desires!”

Elsa laughed. “I'm not sure it works that way, Finn.”

Anna ignored the dread coiling in her stomach and hid her wince with a dismissive wave of her hand. “You never know. The future could surprise you.”

Elsa smiled softly. “Perhaps.”

Her gaze seemed to pierce directly through to Anna's soul, leaving her bare and exposed. Anna's entire skin was hot and alight with a strange tingle, like rubbing socks against a carpet. Her stomach twisted and coiled and her heart felt too big for her chest. She cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair, eyes darting this way and that, at the trees, the grass, the people, anything and anyone other than Elsa.

“So, I was thinking,” she said, once she got her voice under control and felt she could enunciate something other than hormonal gibberish. “School starts… in three days. Kris and Sven and I are gonna get together at Kris' place for some end of summer fun.”

“End of summer fun?”

“Just like video games and such. Low-key stuff. I'd imagine they'd bring Belle and Aurora. So, you know… if you wanna come, too…?”

“Is this a formal invitation, Finn Solberg?”

Anna got a wry smile on her face and bowed deeply. “Yes, my fair lady, it would most please me if you would deign to grace us with your presence.” She looked up at Elsa's amused grin and smiled, winked. “Please?”

Elsa, try as she might, couldn't hold back the absolutely adorable smile that alighted her beautiful face, the small giggle like a wind-chime that broke through past her upturned lips. Though she tried valiantly to cover it up with one hand, but that only served to make her more beautiful, somehow. Anna's own cheeks hurt from how much she had been smiling the past… however long she had been there talking to her, and now she could feel her smile stretch even wider. She wanted to make Elsa smile and laugh and be happy every day, if she could. If it meant seeing her like that, hearing her laughter over and over again.

“Alright, you've convinced me. I'll…” Elsa trailed off, and Anna felt a twinge of worry for a brief moment, anticipating what she would continue with. Elsa sighed, and kept on a brave face with a small smile. “I'll talk to my parents.”

Anna raised her eyebrows. “Yeah? Really really?”

Elsa's smile became a little more genuine. “Really really.”

Anna's breath left her in a hasty rush of laughter. She hadn't even realized she'd been holding it. “Alright, cool. Awesome! Uh, then just—”

The sudden movement and blur of Max bounding to his feet and taking off jolted her forward, and she barely managed to keep a hold on her skateboard. She called for Max to slow down, but the great dane was having none of it. He had waited long enough to continue his walk, and no amount of tugging or cursing in Norwegian was gonna get him to stop.

Anna threw an apologetic look over her shoulder at Elsa, who was watching her with a sort of amused look of concern. With skateboard in hand, she tried to wave goodbye as she called out, “Just call me when you can! Let me know!”

“Okay, Finn, I promise!” Elsa called back. “I'll… talk to you later?”

“Sure thing! See ya, Els!”

Elsa waved goodbye, and Anna tried to keep her in her sight for as long as she could before Max's lumbering frame and speed became too much for her.

“What the hell, Max, I thought you had my back, bro.”

The dog barked once, excited to be returning to the walk. Anna couldn't help but smile and shake her head. Resigned, she plopped her skateboard back down and continued kicking after the dog, resuming the thrilling rush. The thought of the day ahead brought an extra boost to her energy, butterflies dancing and doing somersaults in her stomach. Hell, she could do a somersault that very moment, if she didn't think Elsa might still be watching her, and that she'd break both her legs while attempting it.

Her elation was so great, that it took her a while to realize, she should probably text Kristoff that she had kinda sorta maybe possibly invited Elsa to his place.

Kinda.

 _He was probably expecting it, though,_ she thought with a shrug. But still, she fished her phone out of her back pocket, opened it up, and sent a quick text message to Kristoff. She had barely put it back, with not even a minute having passed, when she heard it go off.

And sure enough.

 **Kristoff:** Duh, Freckle-face. What other enlightening newsworthy statement you wish to transcribe to me? Water is wet?

Anna rolled her eyes and quickly entered a response.

 **Anna:** Whatever. See you tomorrow, Carrot-breath.

Anna bit her lip as she put her phone away, both excited and nervous at the idea of spending the next day with Elsa once again. Perhaps holding hands, maybe even… kissing?

_Anna, stop it. Just really think about what you're suggesting. You? Kissing a girl? Kissing Elsa?_

No, Elsa wasn't her first kiss, or even her first date. Despite Anna's apparent “loser status” among certain cliques, quite a fair number of the girls at her school found her attractive. Sure, there were girls who found her just as much of a weirdo as the boys did, girls who turned their nose up at the typical feminine affairs while also deriding Anna's love of fantasy and gaming as just another boyhood stereotype. A more verbal type of aggression, and she had just as much of a zero tolerance for it as she did the boys' physical aggression. But as early as sixth grade, Anna had noticed some girls looked at her in a way they hadn't before.

It was a bit of a love-hate relationship, the strange feeling of being scrutinized that felt surprisingly uncomfortable, that at the time, had no name, something she felt niggling at the back of her head every time she felt the girls giggle and smile with twinkles in their eyes as they looked her up and down. At the same time, though… well, she loved girls, and she loved getting attention from girls. So she would flirt back, joke around, make an ass of herself in the name of getting some red-faced, high-pitched laughter, and boy, did it do wonders for her self-esteem, even as she battled with the beginnings of dysphoria that quietly ate away at her in the background.

And sometimes, that flirting got her places. Like holding hands down the hall to the cafeteria, or cuddling by the bonfire on a beach while Kristoff and Sven strummed their guitars. Or maybe even stealing kisses in between classes, or perhaps making out in the back of the library when they _should_ have been in seventh.

It was a thing that happened, and Anna had a bit of a reputation for it. However, what she also had a reputation for—and she was ashamed to admit it—was how quickly she ended things before they got a chance to become a full-blown relationship. Some girls seemed just as willing to move onto the next over-eager high school flame, and things ended quietly and mutually. Some of them got hurt. There were quite a few Anna no longer spoke to, who pretended to ignore her and turn the other way even when just waiting in the hallway for class to start.

The problem was, she was never comfortable with a relationship, and she could never quite put her finger on why. Because if she were honest with herself, and with Kristoff and Sven—which she was—she _wanted_ a relationship. _Craved_ a relationship. She would have loved having a girlfriend more than anything. The dates were always her most fun, when she felt her most free and true. But they were also when she felt the most nervous, the most tense, like she was an ant caught under a spying glass with the sun hanging overhead.

She at first believed it to be because of her mom, and there was some truth to that. Even now, she worried; if this thing with Elsa developed any further, how exactly was her mother going to respond to the relationship?

But since realizing she was trans, she finally figured it out. She finally had the answer, about why all those years, she could never move past some casual high school fling. Why the intensity never developed beyond making out, why her attempts at wooing girls ended then and there.

And that's what made Elsa different. Besides her just being beautiful, wonderful, brilliant Elsa, a lost and shy girl from Norway who somehow wound up in this nowhere place of Smalltown, America. A girl she shared so much in common with, but also was so different from.

It was because this was the first girl Anna could date as herself.

As Anna.

And, she thought with a sob, Elsa could never know.

* * *

 

Elsa couldn't stop pacing.

The more she thought about it, the more she became convinced she was making a mistake. Again. Finn was so relaxed and so easy-talking and still so, so, _so_ sweet and yet, that voice in the back of her head poured a bucket of ice-cold reality over her that had her trembling.

 _Finn is a boy. Boys are_ supposed _to act sweet and they're_ supposed _to be smooth talkers. It's how they trick you, it's how they use you. You know this, Elsa. Mama and Papa have warned you of it endlessly._

And still she could not shake the thought that Finn was honest and sincere. He hadn't shown himself to be anything more than what she had seen at the diner and the arcade.

_But what was that stuff about Mama and Papa being unfair? That was surely rude and uncalled for. How could he just say stuff like that about someone's parents?_

But then, was he wrong? Elsa had admitted to herself—not without guilt—several times now that some of what her parents asked of her was erring on ridiculous. But what was she to do about it? They were her parents, their word was final. They knew what was best for her. And even if they did not say so, they did not like her wasting her time on “fairy tale nonsense.” It was easy to see why. Harry Potter books would not get her a great scholarship. They would not send her to a great college with a business degree looming on her horizon. So she could only mumble angrily before stomping off for the park, and that was that.

Finn's words sparked a strange sensation of both validation and offense burning cold within her stomach. It was so hard to come to a decision on the matter when both sides offered valid points.

 _He_ did _say it was something he got “fired up” about easily._

And maybe she could see why. Finn was a boy who liked adventure. He liked make-believe stories. Well, he liked video games, but those were kind of like stories, right? In what little time she spent with him, she had gathered that much, at least. He had mentioned his parents, and it seemed they didn't entirely approve of this behavior, either. But if they ultimately left him alone, and he turned out to be the kind boy that he was, then maybe there was some truth to his ire?

_If anything, it just says that they probably didn't raise him right._

Elsa sighed and plopped onto her bed. This constant circle of thoughts and emotions was getting her nowhere.

And still that excitement, that head-over-heels euphoria that coursed through her veins even as she got home, was inescapable. It told her she was caught, whether for good or for bad, in the endearingly silly, soft, gentle, understanding, flirtatious, attractive, outgoing, smile-of-a-thousand-watts that was Finn Solberg.

Elsa sighed, playing with a stray strand of her pillow between her thumb and forefinger. She huffed, blowing her bangs out of her face, before sitting up and scooting against her pillow, resting her head on her knees in thought. She didn't know how to feel about this whole thing, and that was just the truth. It just made the most sense for her to date Finn. Right?

… Right?

_Well, why wouldn't it be? Who else would I date?_

The answer to that came all too quickly.

Elsa closed her eyes tightly and ducked her head between her knees, squeezing them against her temples.

_Control it. Don't feel. Don't. Feel._

Her nails dug into her scalp as she tried to push the thoughts out of her brain and into nonexistence. She scratched and squeezed and pulled until the pain became all she thought about, and the blasphemous images faded away.

Elsa groaned and flopped over, burying her face into the pillow.

This wasn't helping her situation.

Far from it.

She had already said yes to this invitation of Finn's, or rather that she would ask her parents. There _was_ the option of calling him up to tell him she had changed her mind (and something told her that he would be understanding of this, somehow, for some reason), but seeing as she had to ask her parents' permission to use the phone, she would have to explain to them why she was calling a boy.

Which could just cause as many problems as it solved.

Elsa sighed. And she really didn't want to disappoint Finn. Because no matter how understanding he may or may not be, she imagined her canceling on him when he seemed so eager to see her again would be a crushing blow.

And if she were honest with herself… she really did want to see him again.

But _why._

Elsa sighed.

“ _At some point, I have to tell them… so I might as well get it over with._ ”

Elsa pushed herself up and forcibly walked up to her bedroom door. She halted just before it, the weight of what was about to follow hanging over her. Elsa closed her eyes tightly, breathing in deep through her nose before exhaling.

She opened the door.

Elsa hovered by the top of the stairs, looking over the banister where she spied her father sitting on the couch, reading his newspaper and drinking coffee. She could hear her mother in the kitchen. Elsa took that moment to once again prepare herself before descending the stairs, slowly, one step at a time. Before she reached the halfway point, however, she was heard.

“ _Elsa, darling?_ ” her mother called. “ _Are you ready for dinner? It's almost done._ ”

Elsa tried desperately to keep her breathing under control, and failed majestically at keeping her heart rate from tripling. After a rather ominous pause, she finally replied, “ _Almost_ … _but there's something I need to discuss with you both._ ”

She was now standing, trembling, at the bottom of the stairs, with both of her parents staring at her with looks of utmost concern, borderline panic. Fantastic.

“ _Elsa?_ ” her father asked in a soft voice that still managed to be far too loud. “ _What is wrong?_ ”

Elsa sighed.

Well, there was no backing out of it now.

“ _Last night, while I was hanging out with my friends… well, I didn't expect it, but they also invited boys over—_ ”

“ _What?_ ”

Elsa winced and took a step back as her father promptly stood up from the couch in one fluid motion, the look of concern in his eyes changing to one of cold, determined fury. Elsa looked to her mother for help but she, too, seemed ready to either lecture her daughter or hunt down these boys.

“ _I—I didn't know they'd be there…_ ” A blatant lie, but the alternative was admitting she had lied to her parents to begin with. Anxiety pooled into her stomach like acid. She had never had to be put into a situation like this before. Her lungs felt too small for the amount of air she was trying to inhale.

“ _Who were these boys, Elsa?_ ” her mother demanded.

Elsa sighed. “ _Some boys they knew from school. Their names are Kristoff, Sven, and Finn. They're going to be juniors at Arendelle High._ ”

“ _And you didn't know they were going to be there?_ ”

Elsa swallowed and did her best to look her father in the eye as she shook her head. “ _No, I did not._ ”

Her parents shared a look—a very long look that sent her heart racing even harder—before her father turned back to her with the same determined stare as before. “ _Well, what did you do? What did these boys do?_ ”

Elsa shrugged. “ _Well, we just went to get something to eat, and then Finn suggested we hang out at that arcade game place? Litwak's, I think it was called. Um… Aurora and Belle were mostly hanging out with Kristoff and Sven, and… flirting. They were all flirting. I'm pretty sure they're dating._ ”

“ _And this… Finn? Was he flirting with you?_ ”

Elsa bit her lip. “ _He was, but… he was also very kind. His family is from Norway, and he would talk to me in Norwegian when I felt uncomfortable, and just… make sure I was okay and having fun. He was just being a gentleman. But I… do think he liked me._ ”

“ _Of course. You're a beautiful young girl and he's a teenage boy. But Elsa,_ ” Her father placed emphasis on her name and the stern look in his eyes made her avert her own. “ _We_ _'ve been over this. Men will do and say anything to gain your trust, and you cannot trust them. You cannot trust that this… boy will not hurt you in the future._ ”

Elsa thought of Finn, the concern in his eyes when he asked if she was okay, and the way he lit up when she confirmed she was fine, the way his smile was lopsided but genuine, full of laughter and happiness and, quite frankly, adorable. The way his whole body seemed bursting with energy, even in his rare somber moments. She pursed her lips, to keep herself from smiling or grimacing, she wasn't sure. But the thought that someone like Finn Solberg could be putting on act just to… _get something_ from her… it was what her parents warned her about, but Finn…

_I just don't see it._

“ _Elsa,_ ” Her mother's voice broke through her thoughts and brought her back to the situation she was facing at the moment. “ _Why are you just telling us this now, and not last night? Or this morning?_ ”

Elsa sighed. This was it.

“ _I ran into Finn earlier today at the park… and, I guess, he and his friends are having an end of summer get together at one of their houses. Kristoff's house. Aurora and Belle are going, so… he invited me, too. In case I wanted to go._ ”

Her father bristled and she sensed the immediate “no” on the tip of his tongue, but before he could say anything, she continued, “ _I know what you've told me about boys. I know you say no dating until after I've graduated. I'm not even sure if this is dating, or not. He's been nothing but kind to me since we've met, and at the very least, he makes a good friend. It's… nice, knowing there's… someone like me here, in this new place._ _And_ _… I think I deserve a little trust to handle this situation. I'm old enough to know what I'm doing, to figure these things out._ ”

She really said that.

She actually stood there and said that.

_She defied her own parents to their faces._

The silence that followed was deafening.

“ _Elsa, darling, we know you're more than capable to handle these kinds of situation. We've raised you to be a smart girl._ ” Her mother paused, clearly thinking over her own words before saying them. “ _It's just—_ ”

“ _You may feel that you're old enough to know what you're doing, but that is not always the case._ ” Her father quipped. Elsa spied her mother closing her eyes and rubbing her temple in frustration. “ _And this boy seems to have already gotten to you. I was worried about this happening, enrolling you into that school._ ”

“ _Finn didn't get to me!_ ” Elsa shot back, and her sudden anger outweighed her horror at the words she was saying. “ _Nobody's gotten to me! I've been careful, I've done nothing but trust my instincts, and my instincts right now are telling me that Finn… Finn is genuine._ ”

“ _I'm sure they are, Elsa. You're still a young girl._ ”

“ _Elsa, your father and I will discuss this._ ” Elsa turned to her mother, who seemed to be begging her to step down from this argument she wasn't going to win on her own. They both knew that. “ _But we have the final say, understand?_ ”

Elsa felt all her energy dissipate, and she could only meekly nod. “ _Yes, Mama._ ”

“ _Now go to your room,_ ” her father responded, and the look in his eyes told her not to argue. “ _I will come for you when, and only when, I have reached my decision._ ”

“ _Yes, Papa._ ”

Elsa promptly turned and jogged up the stairs, her heart in her throat. She could feel her parents' eyes boring into her back, all the way up and up, their ears probably straining for the sound of her door opening and closing. As soon as she pushed her bedroom door closed, the dam burst.

 _Stupid stupid stupid!_ Elsa threw herself onto her bed and shoved her head underneath the pillow. _What were you thinking?!_

This whole thing was a mistake. Elsa should have known better than to approach her parents on this matter. Now their entire trust and expectations in her were shaken. She had not only lied, not only gone against their clear orders, but she had _actively defied them._

Elsa groaned before removing the pillow and rubbed her hands across her face, harshly, as if she could claw her actions of the past handful of minutes out of her memory, out of existence. She hoped against all logical thought that when she opened her eyes, it would be morning again, or just that she had dreamed up the whole conversation with her parents—or something, anything. It just hadn't happened.

But of course, Elsa knew better than to hope too much, and when she opened her eyes, it was still late in the day, and she was still lying on her bed. Her eyes burned and blurred, her head felt stuffy and her face red hot, all while her insides boiled and brewed as she waited for the inevitable punishment.

Elsa sighed and sat up against the headboard of her bed, staring down at her hands. Tears plopped onto the opened palms, hot and heavy, like molten metal. Her hands trembled as they lay limp in her lap and her breath came out in harsh gasps. Elsa closed her eyes and sought for the calm amidst the mental storm.

 _One-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-one thousand, four…_ Elsa counted the seconds in her head, touched the tips of her fingers together one by one, matching the rhythm of her heart that beat furiously up to the back of her throat. She tried, desperately, hopelessly, not to think about the conversation that was happening a floor below her.

It was driving her up the wall, and she tried to control it.

_I wonder what Finn is doing right now._

Was he waiting in his room, too, only with anticipation rather than apprehension? Waiting to hear back from her, staring at his phone in hope and prayer? What would happen if she had to call him and say no, she couldn't come over? They couldn't hang out anymore? How would he feel going to school and seeing her in the halls? For that matter, how was _she_ going to feel?

_Oh for heaven's sake, Elsa, he's just a boy. What does it matter if he doesn't like you saying no? Life will move on for both of you, and you'll both be better off. He likely doesn't even remember inviting you, probably playing his video games._

For some reason, this thought deeply troubled Elsa. Her insides felt even more twisted up than before, her thoughts more clouded and gloomy. Elsa groaned and pressed the heel of her palms into her eyes. What was _wrong_ with her?

What was so special about Finn Solberg?

_He's kind. He's thoughtful. He's funny. He's charming. He's soft. He looks out for me and my comfort amidst the chaos of everything else. When everyone else is talking loud and being loud and thinking of themselves and what they wanna do, he's looking to me, he's asking me if I'm okay, he's making sure I'm not overwhelmed. He has his passions, his excitement, and he's eager, but he knows when to keep calm for my sake._

_We've only known each other for two days, and yet…_

Elsa could see the sparkle in his teal eyes, the eager lopsided grin he always sported when he looked at her. A fond smile touched her own lips, and she felt herself blush at the sudden thought of them kissing.

_Kissing, Elsa? Really?_

But she couldn't help it, even as she cursed herself for it. When she closed her eyes, she pictured the two of them huddled close, holding onto each other's arms, soft lips, soft skin, soft hair to run fingers through—

A knock on her bedroom door interrupted her thoughts before she could better assess them, and all thoughts of Finn and kissing were banished as soon as her father stepped into her room. Elsa straightened up and sat on the edge of the bed, legs crossed and hands resting in her lap.

“ _Your mother and I have finished speaking, and we_ _’ve come_ _to a decision._ ”

Elsa nodded, trying to appear calm and patient. Her hammering heart and nerves got the better of her, however, and she couldn't help but ask, “ _What have you decided?_ ”

She hated how her voice trembled. She hated how obviously eager she sounded to hear his answer.

Her father sighed and crossed his arms.

Elsa forced herself to keep her posture—back straight, shoulders even—and stared unblinkingly up at her father, no emotion shown. Yet she knew he could sense the edge in her voice, in the way she sat. She tried to ignore that thought.

“ _You may go out tomorrow, and see this boy—_ ”

Elsa almost allowed herself to get excited, except—

“— _but I must see this boy first. I must speak with him and make sure for myself he is as trustworthy as you claim him to be._ ”

Her entire body went cold. She closed her eyes and sighed.

“ _Yes, Papa. I… may I please use the phone, then?_ ”

“ _You have this boy's number?_ ”

Elsa had no other response than to nod.

Her father frowned and tapped his foot before solemnly nodding his head. “ _Very well._ ”

Elsa sighed and stood up. She awkwardly walked her way over to her dresser, taking the paper crane delicately into her hands. They shook so much, she worried she would crush it.

“ _You told us Aurora and Belle made that for you._ ”

Elsa turned around and faced her father. “ _You asked me if a friend gave it to me. I said yes._ ”

A dark look crossed her father's face, and his eyes glowered. “ _No more secrets in this household from this day forward, or there will be severe consequences. Do I make myself clear?_ ”

“ _Yes, Papa._ ”

He nodded, turning and leading the way out. Elsa followed after him, cradling the crane with Finn's number close to her chest. They walked down the stairs, solemn and solitary. Above the constant drumming of her heart, Elsa could hear her mother setting the table in the dining room.

Her father stopped a few feet away from the telephone hanging off the wall and turned to her, crossing his arms. He nodded.

Elsa swallowed and nodded back, trembling as she took a step forward. She picked up the phone and pressed it against her ear with her shoulder, using her other hand to unfold the wing of the paper crane enough for the written number to become legible. Elsa sucked in a breath, held it, and then pushed the corresponding buttons. The ring of Finn's phone, coupled with the shadow of her father watching over her, pressed against her too tightly, and her throat turned to sandpaper.

The phone buzzed for a while, and Elsa had to wonder if Finn was going to pick up. She was both relieved and disappointed at the thought, also worried how it might look to her father. Or maybe it would just prove him right. If Finn didn't pick up, should she try again? If he never answered, what then? Or did she just enter in the wrong number? That would be embarrassing, maybe it would be better if nobody answered anyways—

“Hello?”

The sound of Finn's voice, slightly scratchy due to the static of the phone, brought an end to her quickly unraveling train of thought, and her heart to a stop somewhere in the middle of her throat.

The reality of the situation hit her way too quickly, way too harshly, and Elsa could only stand there for what felt like a full minute, or at least several seconds. With her father staring her down and listening intently to the second, quiet, and very confused, “Hellooo?” on the other side of the phone.

_Elsa, you're keeping him waiting!_

This realization kicked her brain into overdrive and she blurted out, “ _It's Elsa._ ”

There was a moment of dead silence, a twist of apprehension that boiled in her gut, and the sudden intense desire to slam the phone back on the hook overcame her.

Then Finn's voice floated up from the other side once again.

“Oh! _Hey, Elsa! What's up?_ ”

Elsa smiled shakily. The sheer excitement in Finn's voice could be felt, not just heard, and it sent her heart racing to a different tempo. But she could not ignore the panic hovering over her shoulder, and the apprehension spread to the tips of her fingers.

“I… _I just wanted to say that… my parents said I could come to the… the thing tomorrow. With you and the others, at Kristoff's place._ ”

“ _R-really? That's awesome!_ ”

“ _Yes, but…_ ” Elsa took one look over at her father. The stern expression on his face betrayed no emotion. She could feel the excitement on Finn's side start to drain away. Elsa sighed and turned back to the phone.

“ _My father said he needs to speak with you first, before we can hang out. Otherwise I cannot go._ ”

Elsa thought there was dead silence before, thought the intense suffocating feeling of waiting for a response was awful earlier, but this was even worse. Earlier she felt Finn's excitement, now she could feel his anxiety, and it fed into her own anxiety. Several whispers rose up in the back of her head, worried and suspicious all at once.

_Why is he hesitating if he's being genuine? Does he have something to hide?_

_He's just nervous._

_But why?_

_Why wouldn't he be?_

_Why should he be?_

She closed her eyes tightly for a moment and shook her head a bit, then cleared her throat. “Finn?” she asked softly. “Are you there?”

“Oh, yeah, I'm here.” She frowned; his voice sounded bland. But then he cleared his throat and that changed immediately with the cheerful quip of, “Yeah, no, that's perfectly reasonable. I get that. I'll… yeah, I'll uh, I'll be there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… I'll. I'll be there. Uh, how does four sound?”

Elsa looked to her father. “ _Papa? Is 4 okay?_ ”

He nodded. “ _4pm is fine._ ”

“4 is perfect, Finn.”

“Alright, awesome. Great! Oh, I’ll need your address. To look up directions and stuff.”

Elsa blinked. “Oh, of course. It’s, uh…” Her mind had to recalibrate, determining where she lived now versus where she had lived her whole life until just a few short months ago. She ignored the fluttering in her stomach, the bitter taste in her mouth, and said, “Arendelle Heights. 113 Crocus Avenue.”

“… Arendelle Heights?”

“Correct.” Elsa frowned, catching a certain tone in the way Finn spoke. “Is… there something wrong?”

“No! No, not at all! Sorry, I was just mapping it all in my head. Hold on a sec, Elsa.” Elsa could hear him scrambling for a pen and paper, mumbling the street address just off the phone, and she couldn’t help but smile to herself. “Okay, so… Arendelle Heights… 113 Crocus Avenue. Got it!”

Elsa smiled. “Excellent.”

“Yeah, awesome.” She could hear the smile in his voice again. “Uh… I'll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Okay… see you tomorrow, Finn.”

“Right-e-o. Awesome. Well… uh, then, I guess that's that.”

Elsa giggled. “Yes, it is.”

“Uh… well, then… we'll talk later!”

“Yes, we will, Finn. Goodbye.”

“Bye!” There was a short pause, a weighted expectation of more to come, and she heard him say, in a soft whisper, “ _Can't wait to see you._ ”

Elsa's breath caught harshly. Her heart tripped several times in her chest and her mind whirling for a response. But in the few seconds it took her to fully register what he had said, Finn had hung up, and she found herself listening to the dull tone of the phone. Swallowing her words down, Elsa hung up the phone, and quietly turned to her father.

“ _He'll be here._ ”

Her father nodded, face still so serious and somber. “ _Good. In the meantime, we will put this nonsense behind us and have a nice family dinner. Now go get ready; your mother is waiting for us._ ”

Elsa sighed. “ _Yes, Papa, I'll be down soon._ ”

She walked stiffly past him and back up the stairs to her room. Upon entering, she realized she still held the paper crane in her hands, softly, with fear of doing anything to ruin it. Her palms were also covered in cold sweat.

Sighing, Elsa set the paper crane on her desk where it had been before. She frowned, took the unfolded wing into her hands, and folded it back. Just the way Finn had the night before.

She smiled sadly, thinking of the awkward dinner she was about to have to sit through, of the next day and all that it entailed. Finn having to stand in the same room as her father, the interrogations, her parents no longer trusting their little girl was being good.

_Maybe this was a mistake._


	5. One Step Forward, One Step Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Misgendering, deadnaming, racism, homophobia, gross misogyny on part of parents, child abuse. If you think I've missed anything, please let me know.

**Chapter Five**

**One Step Forward, One Step Back**

_Maybe this was a mistake._

Anna was pacing, back and forth, in the center of her room. She was about an hour early, dressed nicely and having practiced what she was going to say and all ready, the paper with the directions to Elsa's house folded neatly in her back pocket. But, she certainly didn't _feel_ ready. Now she was driving herself up the wall thinking over this entire nightmare she had found herself in, and had been making a path around her bean bag chair for the better part of thirty minutes.

_Anna, how did you get yourself into this._

Somehow she had gone from deciding that dating wouldn't be smart for her at the moment to getting ready to talk with the father of the girl she was currently interested in.

_What if he doesn't like me? He doesn't approve of what I do with my free time? Of who I am as a person? What if he can tell there's something… weird about me? What if he decides Elsa and I can never speak to each other again?_

It was all bullshit. Anna had to deal with nonsense from her parents regarding her friendships with Kristoff and Sven all the time. Passive-aggressive nonsense, subtle pushes towards finding “respectable” friends that _they_ approved of, but she never listened to them, never gave their bullshit a second thought, and they left it at that.

The idea that somebody could prevent their kid from talking to somebody else for what basically amounted to “ _I_ don't like them” was an idea that just never sat right with her.

_But if he says no, what can I do?_

And if he noticed anything off about her…

_If it got back to my parents…_

A small voice told her she was being paranoid. She promptly told that voice to shove it.

Anna groaned and pulled at her hair. _What do I do? Should I just stay home? I should probably just stay home…_

She did still have time to back out of this, for her sake…

_I'm never going to get far into a relationship with her, anyways, just like all the others._

_I mean, how could I, being who I am…_

But how disappointed would Elsa be? How would she feel, waiting for her, only to be told by her parents that she never came? If Anna was worried about losing Elsa's friendship, or doing something to convince her parents that she was no good as either a friend or a… significant other, this would surely lose their trust. And somehow, she didn't see anyone else being particularly forgiving. Even Kristoff and Sven would see it as a bad move.

Anna frowned. Was she really willing to risk sabotaging her relationships due to fear?

A small voice told her yes, she was. She decided to ignore it.

“I need to just get this over with,” she said to herself. She forced her feet to stop moving, halting herself in place as she stared at her shoes. “I talk to her dad, act like a good, morally Christian boy, and then we can hang out. And it's all good.”

All good.

Anna spent another five minutes staring at the floor.

Her watch shrieked at her and she jumped, startled, frantically checking the time. A quarter to 4. She had fifteen minutes.

“Okay, alright Fi—Anna, get a hold of yourself.” She took a couple deep breaths and then headed for the door. She grabbed her baseball jacket on the way out and quickly threw it on. Before proceeding down the stairs, though, she jumped into the bathroom real quick to look herself over. Jacket straight, hair combed, everything looking in order.

Good. Great. Fantastic.

_Get moving, Anna._

She raced down the stairs two at a time, hoping her mother didn't hear her. She was fairly certain her mother was upstairs, feeding Peter. She paused at the bottom of the stairs to listen, just in case, but the only sound she heard was the living room tv blaring yet another football game. Anna let out a deep sigh of relief.

“Hey, Dad?” Anna walked into the living room and over to the couch. Her father was seated in his spot, eyes fixated on the tv, yet again. Lukas and Bard were sitting nearby, the former trying to get his school supplies ready and the latter trying to help him, but all they seemed to achieve was making a mess and pelting each other with pencil erasers and highlighters. Her father was completely oblivious.

“Dad.”

Her father sighed and turned down the volume of the tv before turning to her. “What is it.”

She was suddenly aware that _everyone_ in the room was staring at her, and her entire balance was shot. She struggled to keep her legs steady, but then her knees locked. Swallowing hard, she fiddled with the ends of her jacket sleeves as she said, “I… I-I was wondering if, if I could, you know, borrow your car. F-for the night.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What for?”

“Hanging out, with my friends. But I need to pick up Elsa on the way.”

“That girl you met?”

Anna bit her lip and nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Her father took another moment to look her over, not saying a word, not moving a muscle.

Finally, he sighed and nodded, standing up from the couch and heading out the room, gesturing for Anna to follow him. She quickly turned, ignoring the blatant stares of her brothers boring into the back of her head as she walked out the room after her father. The silence between them was thick, even with the sound of the tv being heard from the living room.

Anna followed him into his office and up to his desk. She lingered behind him, hands in her jacket pockets, and watched as he leaned over to reach into the drawer to grab his keys. He turned to her with a stern look in his eyes.

“How long do you plan to be out?”

“I'll be back home by 9.” When her father raised a skeptical eyebrow, she held her ground. “I promise.”

“Hm… very well, then.” He handed her the keys, and she felt the tension leave her body, that is, until her father pointed an accusing finger at her chest and left a red hot scar. “No funny business with this girl. At least not in my car.”

Anna cringed, a wave of disgust flowing through her. She repressed a shudder and only nodded, saying, “Thanks, Dad.”

Anna left immediately, not letting him get a word in edgewise. It was rare that Anna was allowed her father's car, and he never let her have it for as long as she was planning to be out. She wanted to leave before he thought about it enough to decide against it. Though she sincerely doubted he particularly cared enough to say anything, this was a different situation than normal.

Anna left as quickly and quietly as she could, hoping and praying her mother was still oblivious. She fidgeted with the car keys in her hand, spinning them around on their metal ring, as she quickly made her way to her father's car. Pulling the door open, she climbed into the driver's seat, and checked her watch one last time. 3:50.

 _Ten minutes,_ she thought as she closed the door and started the car up. Anna pulled the directions out of her pocket, unfolding it and resting it on the center console to look over. _Plenty of time. I can get there, no problem._

Anna put the car into reverse and pulled out of the driveway before she could give herself even a second to rethink everything.

She ended up rethinking and over-thinking the entire drive there.

_I've practiced what I'm going to say over and over and over, I don't think there's much else I can do at this point… except just hope her parents like me._

_And if they don't…?_

Anna shook her head. It really didn't help to think about that, no matter how much a part of her was convinced of it. But the more and more she tried to ignore the thought, the peskier and louder it became. The longer-than-usual drive to Elsa's house didn't help, as she had plenty of time to reconsider the entire situation. Every red light and stop sign brought her at least a minute of pure anxiety, worst case scenarios, and a strong desire to turn back around.

As Anna continued to drive, she began to take notice of her surroundings, and realized just where she was. The richer, higher class portion of Arendelle, with its luxury apartments and huge houses and stores with ridiculous price-tags. Anna knew her dad's beat-up old BMW leftover from the early 90's had to look out of place, and once upon a time, that might not have bothered her. In fact, she would have laughed about it, and often did. But right now, all she could think was…

This is where Elsa lived. This is what she was accustomed to.

Anna was way out of her league.

_What am I doing this for anyways… trying to win the approval of some girl's parents, all for a relationship that probably won't last past the third month._

But every time these thoughts came up, so, too, did the image of Elsa's soft smile, the look of concern in her eyes that turned to genuine excitement when she was at her most comfortable. Anna felt the stirring of butterflies in her stomach, her lips twitching into a small smile before dropping into a frown at the thought of a dejected, disappointed Elsa spending the night in her bedroom, waiting for her.

She really did enjoy her time with Elsa… so much.

And Elsa… Elsa needed a friend. Well, she had friends, yes, but, how would she feel if someone she thought she could trust turned out to be a douchebag? Someone whom she could relate to, someone she didn't think she would meet this far away from home? And while trying to get used to living in a new country at that.

So what if the relationship didn't work out… was she willing to break Elsa's heart over the fact that she, Anna, was undateable? Was she really shallow enough to only see Elsa as a potential for a happy ending?

_Elsa deserves better than that._

She was so lost in this back-and-forth with herself that she almost missed the turn. It came up with little margin of error, and Anna just barely got into the right-most lane.

“Sorry,” she mouthed to the car behind her, waving meekly when the driver gave her a very sour glare as they passed. She tried not to give it too much thought as she pulled up to the gate that led to the Arendelle Heights gated community.

The security guards immediately took notice and one walked out to greet her. Anna parked the car as she rolled her window down and put on her best smile.

“Hello, son,” he said in a gruff voice, and Anna felt her blood curdle. Her knuckles tightened and her smile became more strained. She tried her best not to appear too unnerved as the man peered down at her. “Visiting somebody?”

“Y-yes, sir.” Anna squeaked, cursing the nervous crack in her voice. “I'm here for Elsa Vollan?”

“Where are you coming from?”

“Uh, eastern part of town. I live near the big park.”

The guard studied her for several moments, and Anna did her best to keep her smile in place. Finally, the guard nodded his head and said, “Just wait here a minute,” and turned back to the guard station.

Anna let out an uneasy sigh and felt her stomach untwist itself. _This is fine, this is okay, Anna, you can do this._

She watched the two security guards as they conversed, tapping her fingers and humming a nonexistent tune. She checked to make sure she had turned the radio down before realizing she had never turned it on in the first place. Anna sighed and tried to relax her shoulders, let go of the tension that was strangling her.

A loud creaking sound startled her and she jumped, taking a deep breath when she realized it was just the gate opening. Thankfully she hadn't hit the gas or the car's horn. She gripped the steering wheel tight enough to keep her hands from shaking, and flashed the security guards a smile when they waved her in.

“Go ahead in, son,” the older one said, and Anna had to force herself to match the kindhearted smile he gave her. “Have a good day.”

“Thank you, you, too,” she chewed out, before shifting gears and driving ahead into the neighborhood, nerves on fire.

Large houses came into view and she joked on the bitter chuckle stuck in her throat.

_Wow, look at all these rich-people homes… am I sure I'm allowed to even look at them?_

Now, Anna wasn't oblivious. She realized she lived in a beautiful picturesque middle-class suburban home, with the only thing missing being the white-picket fence, and that was more than what a lot of people could afford. But the word “house” felt woefully understated for a lot of what she was seeing and she couldn't help but compare her modest two-story home to these… borderline mansions.

As Anna made her way down the streets, searching for the right address, she occasionally saw people out of their homes, and every one of them would double-take upon noticing her. A couple walking their dog slowed down, staring at her car as if it were some ancient relic only heard of in hushed legends. A few trust-fund kids in their private school uniforms exited a car and walked up to a house, watching her with smug smiles. A woman watching her kids play in the front yard actually stood and watched her car with arms crossed and a stern face.

Anna rolled her eyes at all of them and kept on driving.

_I hate rich people._

But then she thought of Elsa and her mood lightened a little. Elsa wasn't like these assholes, she knew that for a fact. She could feel it, something about her read as a young bright girl, full of kindness and love, just a little lost. Anna knew Elsa would never judge her based on any financial shortcomings.

Or, at least, she hoped so, as she pulled up to 113 Crocus Avenue and had to look up at the house she was parking her father's beat-down car in front of, and once again found herself feeling distinctly out of her league.

_I wonder just how big it is on the inside… and Elsa lives here by herself? With no brothers or sisters, just her parents?_

Anna frowned. The house loomed ahead, and her eyes zeroed in on the front door. She took a deep breath, attempting to steady her nerves.

_Alright, Anna, let's get this over with._

She parked the car by the curb, turning the ignition off and unbuckling her seatbelt. She took an extra few seconds to calm herself down before forcing the door open and stepping out. The echo of the car door closing behind her made her aware of just how quiet the neighborhood was. Not the serene quiet of her own neighborhood: the kind of quiet on summer days where you could hear kids playing or cars driving past, or someone's barbecue from three blocks down. That was the kind of quiet that felt lived in.

This was just… quiet. Strict, regimented quiet, the kind of quiet one was afraid to break, for fear of being punished.

Anna shook her head and walked up to the house. Careful to avoid the pristine, freshly cut grass, she walked up the empty driveway and down the walkway to the front door. She tried to strain her ears for the sound of… something, anything, within the house. All she could hear was the pulse of her own frantic heartbeat.

Anna raised her hand up to knock and—

_Wait, do I knock, or ring the doorbell? They might not hear me if I knock, but ringing the doorbell might be rude…_

Anna stared between the doorbell and her own raised fist. What was proper etiquette here? She knew it rarely ever mattered but for some people, especially an upper-class family, it could very well affect her first impression. Her heart raced and her throat closed up, the air around her hanging heavy on her shoulders.

She swallowed down the heart attack she was about to have and determinedly, trembling, pressed her finger against the doorbell pad. She heard a small chime sound throughout the house and felt rooted to the ground. At this point, she wasn't sure if she could bolt last minute even if she wanted to. Her legs didn't seem to want to listen to her.

But there was not much time to consider any of this as she heard someone walk up to the door within seconds and it opened.

“Hello,” said the plump old lady who answered, a kind grandmotherly smile on her face. “You must be that Finn boy Elsa's expecting.”

Anna's insides curdled and she lost all manner of speech for a good ten seconds, or however long she stood there trembling. The woman did not seem to mind, watching her kindly and patiently, before holding out her hand.

“I'm Gerda, I'm the Vollans' maid, and technically their cook as well.”

“Oh,” Anna forced herself to respond, a shaky smile on her face, as she reached out and took the woman's hand in as firm a handshake as she could manage. “H-hello, Miss Gerda, I'm… yes, I'm F-Finn Solberg.”

Gerda's smile widened even further. “It's good to meet you, Finn. Please, come in. Mrs. Vollan is waiting in the lounge, and Mr. Vollan will be down shortly.”

“Oh! O-okay…”

Anna lingered by the door a second longer after Gerda moved out of the doorway. When the woman remained standing there, smile still in place, Anna realized what was going on and awkwardly stumbled her way in. She flashed the woman a thankful smile, and was given an encouraging one in return. Gerda closed the door behind her before gesturing for Anna to follow her. She sucked in a breath and trailed in after towards the lounge where her fate awaited her.

Mrs. Vollan was sitting on the couch, looking picture-perfect with her conservative clothing, legs crossed, sipping from her tea. As soon as Gerda entered the room and announced Anna's arrival, speaking in hushed fluent Norwegian, the older woman looked up with a critical eye before graciously unfolding herself from her seated position and turning to face Anna. Her head held high and a soft but firm look in her eyes that showed she was meant to be taken seriously or else.

Anna felt as if she had been transported to some kind of bizarre period piece and she had to mentally tell herself not to giggle.

“And so you are the boy my daughter spoke so highly of?”

Anna blinked. _Elsa spoke highly of me?_ This thought was almost enough to drown out everything else in that sentence, but the raised, expectant eyebrow of the older woman urged a response over any other thought, and Anna smiled brightly while holding out her hand.

“ _Yes, ma'am, my name is Finn Solberg. It's a pleasure to meet you._ ”

It was Mrs. Vollan's turn to be caught off-guard. Her eyes widened and her hand faltered when Anna took it, and she turned to exchange a look with Gerda. For her part, the maid was smiling wide, and only nodded before turning away to leave the room. Mrs. Vollan turned back to Anna, and there were a few moments of awkward silence before she regained her composure and smiled, tightening her grip on Anna's hand.

“ _Yes, a pleasure to meet you as well._ ” Her voice was lighter, softer, in spite of her still-stiff posture. Anna had the idea that she was going to need to still work on earning a warm welcome. “ _Please sit, my husband will be in to speak with you shortly._ ”

Anna nodded and seated herself on the couch across the table from her. As Mrs. Vollan seated herself back down, Anna took a risk and asked, “ _How are you enjoying Arendelle?_ ”

Mrs. Vollan looked up from her cup of tea, a little taken back but answering quickly with a smile, “ _We are enjoying it quite well, thank you. It's a charming little town._ ”

 _Well, if you're rich, white, conservative, or all three, I'm sure it is._ Anna kept that thought to herself and simply smiled. “ _Have, uh, you been to the States before, Mrs. Vollan?_ ”

The older woman shook her head as she sipped gingerly from her tea. “ _Elsa and I have not, but my husband has. On business and such, of course. That's why we've moved in the first place. I admit, I was hesitant about it, but… we seem to have found a good place to settle._ ”

Anna nodded, trying not to fiddle with her jacket. “ _I'm glad to hear it. That you're enjoying the place, I mean._ ”

Mrs. Vollan smiled and seemed ready to continue speaking when footsteps sounded and brought their attention to the door as it opened. Anna felt unable to breathe in that moment.

Mr. Vollan was certainly an intimidating figure. He was different from Anna’s own father in that, unlike Edvard Solberg Sr., Anna couldn’t imagine this man having an indifferent or mellow opinion on anything. The deep-set frown on his face seemed permanent, his dark eyes zeroing in on anything he viewed as unacceptable or out of place, and moving to fix it immediately. Under his looming gaze, Anna felt naked, left in the open for all to see who and what she really was.

It was a similar feeling she had around her mother, actually.

Anna became acutely aware of every part of her body, how her hands shook and her shoulders ached. She swallowed and sat up straight, her lips twisting into a polite smile that she knew for a fact didn’t reach her eyes. She prayed nobody noticed.

Mr. Vollan cleared his throat and walked to sit next to his wife, dismissing Gerda with a mild wave. “ _Thank you, Gerda, you can leave now._ ”

The woman bowed her head, but before she turned to go out the door, she flashed Anna an encouraging smile. Anna’s own smile widened just briefly, the weight in her chest lifting. But upon watching the door close behind the servant, her anxiety returned and she could feel her breath tremble inside her own lungs. She inhaled deeply, counting to three in her head.

Anna turned to the two adults sitting on the couch and, for the time being, shoved herself far into the crevices of the closet where she put every other part of her identity, itching to break free, away, locked the door, and became Finn.

“ _Finn Solberg, yes?_ ”

“ _Yes, sir, it’s a pleasure to meet you,_ ” she heard him say.

“ _My daughter seems to have taken an interest in you._ ”

“Um…”

Mr. Vollan leaned forward, dark eyes boring into her even more. Anna almost faltered, but she remained stoic, playing her part as well as ever.

“ _Where do you live, Finn?_ ”

“ _I live on the eastern part of town, where the big park is? My house is just a short walk away._ ”

“ _Yes, our daughter likes to frequent there._ ”

Anna tried not to flinch. The tone the man spoke with said he did not much approve of where Elsa spent her free time, and she had a suspicion as to why. She tried not to let it sour her attitude at that moment.

“ _What about your family, then? Elsa says you’ve come from Norway as well?_ ”

Anna let herself lean forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “ _Yes, sir, we moved over from Norway when I was four—er, about twelve years ago. My father is a programmer and my mother is a stay-at-home mom. She volunteers at the schools and my younger brother’s Boy Scouts._ ”

“ _You have many siblings?_ ”

“ _Yes, sir, three younger brothers and four older brothers._ ”

“ _Oh my,_ ” Mrs. Vollan put a hand on her chest, blinking in surprise. “ _So many children!_ ”

Anna could see the shock was not a good one, necessarily, just on the border of minor disgust. She chose to shrug her shoulders and laugh it off. “ _Yeah, that’s why my mother decided to stay at home. That, and my father makes good enough money to take care of us all on his own._ ”

“ _What about your brothers then?_ ”

Anna blinked. What did they have to do with anything?

_Just humor him. Please._

“ _Well, my three oldest brothers live in the capitol. Ed lives with his wife and son and works as a chef. Adam owns a computer store and Adrian sells cars. Jakob… moved up to Manhattan to pursue his studies and be a stockbroker._ ” She shrugged and offered an easy smile. “ _Lukas is fourteen and plays video games with me sometimes._ _Bard is seven and Peter was born last June._ ”

Mr. Vollan raised an eyebrow. “ _You play video games?_ ”

All the heat rushed to her face and she cleared her throat. “ _Um, yes, in my spare time, sometimes. I… enjoy video games._ ”

“ _What else do you do in your spare time?_ ”

“ _I like to draw. I’m fairly artistic._ ” She saw his expression sour a bit and changed course immediately. “ _I like sports. Well, some sports. I enjoy dirt-bike riding and I’ve played baseball since I was about five. My father was eager to get us all involved with sports, even before we moved. My older brothers all played American football._ ”

“ _And why don’t you?_ ”

Anna felt her blush grow stronger and laughed awkwardly. “ _As you may have noticed, I’m… rather small. I didn’t really like it, so my parents signed me up for baseball. They’re hoping I get a scholarship for college._ ”

Mr. Vollan hummed in thought, his eyes roving over Anna as if to confirm her words that Finn Solberg was, in fact, small for a sixteen-year-old boy. She wasn’t sure what the look on his face said, as he was a master at stoicism, but somehow she imagined Mr. Vollan wasn’t too terribly impressed. Or maybe it had nothing to do with her stature, maybe he was thinking of other ways Finn Solberg could prove a useful member of male society. She wasn’t sure, and she didn’t particularly care. This idea that she had to prove herself a pinnacle of masculinity to this gross, overbearing man made the anger curdle like a sickness in her veins. But if she wanted to spend time with Elsa, she had to go through with this.

“ _So, Finn, what is it you are interested in? Where do you want to go in life, if this baseball thing doesn’t work out?_ ”

Anna swallowed. This was a question she knew she had to answer and had practiced for but she still wasn’t prepared for it. It was something she could never nail down for herself. When she really thought about it, the first thing she could think about was anything to do with art. Art history, in particular. Or maybe something to do with literature. Museums and bookstores were her favorite places to visit alone, find a nice quiet corner to read a book to herself or study the paintings on the walls. She loved the stories behind them all.

But Anna had a sinking feeling this was not something Elsa’s parents would approve of. Whether for similar reasons to her parents or something else, Mr. and Mrs. Vollan struck Anna as the type to impose worth on things like business and finance, to lord them as superior and respectable pursuits, while looking down upon art and literature as silly and useless subjects to be engaged in only passively.

Unlike Elsa, who found something special in the creativity of fiction writing, something worth enjoying in the excitement of interactive fiction like video games.

So she took a deep breath and spewed some bullshit.

“ _Well, probably something to do with computers like my father. Or finances, like my brother Jakob. Though, I wouldn’t be a stockbroker._ ”

“ _Are you good with finances?_ ”

“Uh…” Anna thought to her middling grades, her math tutors, the way the numbers all seemed to mesh together in her brain. She shrugged. “ _I’m decent._ ”

Mr. Vollan raised an eyebrow and looked definitively skeptical, but before he could say anything, Mrs. Vollan rest her hand on his arm, as if to keep him from saying anything, and asked, “ _So, Finn, Elsa said you will also be attending Arendelle High School?_ ”

Anna nodded. “ _Yes, ma’am, I’ve been attending since starting freshman year. I will be a junior this year._ ”

“ _And how are you liking it there?_ ”

If she were being honest, just barely. But she couldn’t afford honesty in this room. So she put on her best smile and said, “ _It’s great. There’s a place for everyone there._ ”

“ _How are you doing in your grades?_ ”

“ _I’m doing well. Struggling here and there, but, I’m passing all my classes._ ”

“ _Any trouble with the other students?_ ”

Anna cringed. “ _Well, a few, if I’m honest. It’s something to be expected at any public high school. But there’s just as much of a support system for those who are bullied or marginalized._ ”

“ _Oh, of course, I have no doubt about that. But what about… behavioral issues?_ ”

Anna frowned. “ _I… I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean. Like I said—_ ”

“ _We’ve hesitated allowing Elsa to attend a public high school because we were worried of how sinful, deviant children might influence her, but she insisted. Arendelle High School seems like a respectable school, one that can help her get into a great university, though we’ve noticed it seems to… accept troubled youth instead of discourage them._ ”

Anna felt a sick twisting in her stomach. She had an idea of what the woman might be referring to.

“ _There is a Gay Straight Alliance at our school… for those of the gay community and their allies to work together towards… greater inclusivity. But it’s small, and quite frankly, not a whole lot of people pay attention to it._ ”

“ _Well, I suppose that’s something. Still, the school board should not be allowing such disease to spread among the youth._ ”

“ _I’ve also noticed there are a lot of colored people at this school._ ”

Anna couldn’t keep the icy tone out of her voice. “ _That’s the reality of an American high school, yeah._ ”

There was a dull, sudden silence. Both of them appeared a bit startled at the palpable disagreement that came from Anna. While she did her best to keep as stoic and agreeable and… _hidden_ as she could, she couldn’t help it.

Anna knew she had nothing to gain from this; she was a white child from a white family, and she may have even been better off feigning indifference. But her parents had their fair share of racism and it had always been hard to swallow. While they weren’t about to keep their children from interacting with people of color, they made their viewpoints clear as day, and Anna fought to keep herself from slipping into her parents’ bigotry. After years of putting up with it, it started to grate on her, and she could no longer hide her frustration with it even if she tried. It didn’t do her any good, she was either ignored or scolded out of the room, but she didn’t care.

People ought to know better.

As for their… homophobia… she wasn’t surprised. Distraught, angry, unsure, but not surprised.

Now she only worried how Elsa dealt with all of this. What were Elsa’s viewpoints?

Mr. Vollan cleared his throat, but the look in his eyes showed he didn’t approve. “ _And who do you spend your time with, Finn? Who are your friends?_ ”

“ _Kristoff Bjorgman and Sven Koeman. We’ve known each other for a long time, play baseball with each other._ ”

“ _Ah, yes, I think Elsa mentioned something about these young men. Dating some friends of hers, yes?_ ”

“ _Yes, sir._ ”

“ _And how are these men? What sort of families do they have?_ ”

Anna felt the discomfort inside of her grow, and she gave a weak shrug. She was over this entire conversation, but she still had to put on a good show.

“ _Their families are nice. They’ve been raised to help and treat others as they would want to be._ ” When she saw them still staring at her, as if expecting more, she sighed. “ _Kristoff lives with his Pabbie and little siblings. He has a big family._ ”

“Pabbie?”

Anna winced. “ _Like a… father, or grandfather, I guess. He… adopted Kristoff and his siblings._ ”

Was this saying too much? Would her friends understand why she told them all of this? Elsa would be over at Kristoff’s soon, anyways; she would likely tell her parents. But maybe that would have been better than she herself talking about her friends behind their backs.

Mr. and Mrs. Vollan exchanged looks before turning back to her. Mrs. Vollan spoke this time, “ _And what about this Sven boy?_ ”

“ _He lives with his mom._ ”

“ _And his father?_ ”

“ _Just his mom._ ”

Mrs. Vollan frowned. “ _The poor boy… what happened?_ ”

Anna wrung her hands together and looked away. “ _I… With all due respect, Mr. and Mrs. Vollan, I don’t know if it’s my place to talk about this kind of stuff._ ”

Mr. Vollan waved a hand. “ _It’s quite alright, Finn, I understand, and respect your manners. Perhaps we are overreaching a bit._ ”

Anna blinked and looked back at them. Well that was a surprise.

“ _But I need to know, Finn. Why do you choose to spend your time with my daughter?_ ”

At the mention of Elsa, Anna felt her entire body relax. The tension that settled on her shoulders, that pulled at her insides, dissipated at the thought that, somewhere up above, Elsa was waiting for her, hoping for her father’s approval. The image of her golden hair, the bright light in her eyes, her soft smile, Anna felt an easy smile of her own play across her lips. When she spoke, she spoke with a sincerity she could not ever fake.

“ _I have fun hanging out with Elsa. She’s so very sweet and caring. And she’s fun. She’s easy to talk to, and it’s nice to have someone to relate to. For both of us. Someone who’s of the same sort of background, from the same country, even if we’ve still grown up differently. We have more in common with each other than anyone else. And it’s just… nice, to have someone to talk to like that. It’s easy to be comfortable around her._ ”

Anna straightened and looked Mr. Vollan in the eye. “ _I’d like to be friends with her._ ”

Mr. Vollan raised an eyebrow. “ _Just friends?_ ”

Anna sighed and shrugged. “ _I will be honest with you; I would like to date Elsa. But if she only wanted to be friends, I would have no problem with that. I’d be honored to be her friend._ ”

Mrs. Vollan smiled sweetly at that, but Mr. Vollan still looked skeptical.

“ _And so what would you do, Finn Solberg, if my daughter wanted to stop seeing you at all? If my daughter told you, one day, that you were not to be friends or acquaintances or anything, and told you to leave her alone, what would you do?_ ”

“ _Now, Georg—_ ”

“ _I’d be fine with it._ ”

Both of them stopped and looked back at her, really took a look at her. Anna knew they were staring at the real her, the part of her that she needn’t hide.

“ _You would be fine with it?_ ”

Anna nodded. “ _It’s Elsa’s decision._ ”

She must have said the right thing, because Mrs. Vollan positively beamed and even Mr. Vollan softened and nodded with distinct approval. He sighed and stood, crossing his arms behind his back.

“ _Alright, Finn, you may take Elsa out on this date. I trust that you will treat her well and not let your friends lead the two of you astray._ ”

A conflicting amount of emotions boiled inside of Anna, one of absolute relief and elation and another of terrible confusion and even another of shock and skepticism, but she pushed it all down and put a respectable air on, willing Finn back to the forefront as she smiled and bowed her head.

“ _Of course, sir. And thank you._ ”

It felt wrong to thank him, like they were making a lucrative business deal instead of letting her date her new friend who just happened to be his daughter. She didn’t like it, and it brought a sour taste to what should have been good news.

Nonetheless, she let herself be happy, for both her own sake and Elsa’s. At least now, she could trust that Elsa’s actions would be made of her own agency. Or so she hoped.

Mrs. Vollan stood from the couch. “ _I’ll tell Elsa the good news. You wait here, Finn._ ”

Anna nodded, a wide smile alight upon her face. She felt a surge of relief electrify within her body, a strange nervous energy that lifted her heavy heart and left a spark in her chest. A surge that threatened to send her jumping up from her seat and dance in a circle, but she kept herself seated, watching as Mrs. Vollan left the room and the door closed shut behind her.

“Young man.”

That surge of energy immediately dissipated and as she turned to face the sullen dark stare of Mr. Vollan, Anna repressed a violent shiver. The heaviness returned to her chest, sinking down into the pit of her stomach. He was still standing, his eyes boring into her, and despite a large space and a coffee table separating them from each other, she instinctively leaned back.

Anna swallowed and asked, “Yes, sir?”

“Let me be very clear with you, with just us two here. I do not like you, and I do not trust you.”

Anna frowned. “Then why—”

“I am allowing you to see my daughter,” Mr. Vollan declared, eyes narrowing at the glare Anna sent his way. “Because she, for whatever reason, trusts you. When she looks at you, she sees someone worthy of her time and energy, someone who is different from the others. But when I look at you, I see a young man who is not only content to wallow in mediocrity, but would push others to it, if only to benefit himself. You have a need to push against those superior and wiser to you, an attitude that will only leave you alone at the end of the road.”

“With all due respect, sir, you barely know me.”

“But Elsa trusts you. She sees something more in you—just what, I cannot fathom—and she is convinced it is real, not just some trick boys like you play on girls for cheap laughs and fun. And as she grows, Elsa must learn that vital decisions will be up to _her_ to make, not myself or her mother, and that mistakes such as yourself will happen if she does not take care.

“So I will allow you to see my daughter, but do not think for a second that I approve of your… relationship, if you wish to call it that. It is a fleeting thing that will not last, and I will end it before you can get your hands on her. And when she is grown and marriage is upon her, she will look back on this as a lesson to be learned, and pick her husband accordingly. She needs a man who will be respectable and with a good future ahead of him. You will not be that man.”

Anna had before felt elation, and then apprehension; now she felt rage. A rage so deep and burning it felt as if her whole body had been lit in fire. She was outraged, shocked, reeling. This man’s insults at her were one thing, but what he said about Elsa was… disgusting. Revolting. This man was her _father_ and this was how he treated her? How he _saw_ her?

At some point, she had stood up, far too short and small to be intimidating to Mr. Vollan in any capacity, but she didn’t care about intimidation. The energy that boiled inside of her compelled her to do something, and she could feel it burning on her face, just behind her skin. Her fists were clenched and there was an ache in her throat, words that wanted to escape and launch themselves at this monstrous excuse for a father. But before she could say anything, the door opened.

Elsa stepped through with her mother, and the sight of her smile was almost enough to calm her own nerves. Elsa was dressed in a dark blue jacket with a long dark blue skirt. Her beautiful blonde hair was wrapped up in a bun, bangs falling gently into her eyes. She smiled, wide and excited and brimming with anticipation, but when she entered the room, her smile faltered a bit. A look of concern flitted in her blue eyes, and Anna knew she could sense the tension and animosity between Anna and her father.

Anna cleared her throat and smiled wide. “Hey, Elsa! Ready to go?”

Elsa looked from her to her father, clearly suspicious, but she merely smiled and nodded her head. “Yes… it’s good to see you, Finn.”

Anna’s smile widened even further, even in spite of everything else. Because there was Elsa, genuinely excited to spend her day with Anna, and no matter what her blowhard of a dad said, that was all that mattered.

_Elsa wants this… if she didn’t, I wouldn’t be here right now._

Mr. Vollan cleared his throat and Anna fought down the desire to glare at him. When the man held out his hand, she tried not to flinch back.

“ _Well, you two enjoy yourselves, then. Bring her back by precisely nine o’clock, do you understand?_ ”

Anna forced a smile, perhaps a bit too obviously forced, as she took his hand roughly and mechanically. “ _Of course, sir. You can trust me._ ”

The man narrowed his eyes but said nothing.

Elsa exchanged goodbyes with her parents, assuring them that she would “behave,” before Gerda showed up to walk them out the door. She stopped them just outside, making sure the Vollans weren’t eavesdropping.

“Listen, you two… try not to worry too much about spending time together. Just enjoy yourselves and make some memories.” She smiled lovingly, and Anna felt her anxieties ease a little. “You’re both so young.”

Elsa smirked, her cheeks red. “Gerda, are you _encouraging_ bad behavior?”

Gerda shrugged. “I’m not encouraging anything, other than that you two have fun. That can’t be too bad, right?” She winked, then hugged Elsa goodbye before disappearing behind the closing front door.

The two stood there on the front porch for a while, just staring.

Anna smiled. “I like Gerda.”

Elsa raised an eyebrow and gave Anna an appraising look. “I hope it’s for her hospitality and not her encouraging our trouble-making.”

Anna smirked and shrugged, resting her hands behind her head. “Hey, you heard her, she’s just telling us to have fun. Nothing wrong with fun.”

Elsa scoffed and rolled her eyes, but the red in her cheeks deepened and she visibly struggled not to smile. “Finn Solberg, you are too much.”

“Nah,” she quipped, gently knocking into Elsa’s shoulder with her own. “I’m just the right amount.”

Elsa broke down into giggles, her hand resting over her mouth as if to hide it. The light melody of her laughter lifted Anna’s spirits considerably after the dark depressing atmosphere of the house, and Anna relaxed enough to put her hands in her pockets and walk closely, side-by-side with Elsa as she walked her to her father’s car.

The touch of Elsa’s hand on her elbow made her heart jump.

“I’m sorry my father had to interrogate you… if he said anything… upsetting…?”

Anna shook her head and smiled. “It’s alright, Els, I know why he did it and I understand it. They’re both just looking out for you.”

Elsa raised an eyebrow. “That statement seems most unlike you.”

Anna rolled her eyes. “It’s called diplomacy, Elsa. I’ve learned when it’s needed.”

Elsa laughed awkwardly. It sounded rather hollow and unsure, so Anna dropped the sarcasm and smiled reassuringly. “But seriously, don’t worry about it. I really do get it. I’d be more concerned if your father _didn’t_ wanna speak with me.”

Elsa’s precious smile was back in place. “Well, I’m just glad he gave us his approval.”

Anna faltered, just slightly enough that Elsa didn’t notice, but it was there. The world beneath her feet felt unsteady, as if she could lean too much to the side and fall off the edge. That stiff silence from earlier was back, and the comforting presence of Elsa to her side did little to relieve her.

“Yeah,” she lied. “Me, too.”

Anna walked Elsa to the passenger door of the car and opened it for her. Elsa thanked her before seating herself and Anna closed the door. As she rounded the car, she took one last look at the giant house. She wondered if Mr. or Mrs. Vollan were spying on them that instant, peeking out the window as if to catch them in the act of gods-know-what. Anna frowned but otherwise ignored it as she opened the car door and got into the driver’s seat.

“Is this your car?” Elsa asked.

“Nah,” Anna said as she buckled herself in. She put the keys in the ignition and turned it on. The car rumbled to life. “It’s my dad’s. I don’t have a car yet.”

“Why not?”

Anna shrugged. “Why don’t _you_ have a car?”

Elsa gave her a blank stare. “I just moved here, Finn.”

Anna shrugged. “Well, I’m just saying.”

Elsa rolled her eyes. “You really are too much.”

Anna bit her lip, but before she could say anything, Elsa gave her a stern glare. “Don’t say it.”

They stared at each other for a second longer, both fighting back laughter. In the end, though, they lost.

“Alright, let me just text Kristoff to tell him we’re on our way. Mind if I put some music on? Nothing too loud or anything, don’t worry.”

“I don’t mind.”

As soon as the message was sent and Anna tuned the radio to one of her favorite stations—keeping it at a mild volume so as not to be too distracting—and making sure Elsa had her seatbelt on, she drove off, tearing away from the curb of the house without a second look.

Anna drove past the houses she had before, the yards still mostly empty, still ignoring the blatant stares of the few people who were out. When she drove past the gate, she gave a cheerful wave to the guards, who waved back. She waited for a few cars to pass by, checked both ways, and then merged back onto the street.

“Hey, Finn?”

Anna turned to Elsa, who was staring intently at her own lap, shoulders lifted up to her ears. One of her hands rested on her lap while the other rested at her side, as if she wanted to reach out, but was too afraid to.

“Yeah, Els?”

Elsa bit her lip, and she was blushing furiously. An impressive amount, actually. She looked up, a look of apprehension but also excitement in her eyes.

“I’d like to be more than friends, too.”

Anna felt her own face grow red, from the tip of her nose to the tips of her ears. She offered a shaky, nervous smile, not one out of fear or uncertainty, but a strange bubbly feeling that floated up from her stomach to her chest. It was like floating on a cloud, the wind in her hair and the sun on her face. Her heart was pounding and her nerves were alight and she wanted to jump and dance with joy.

Anna turned back to look at the road, but at the corner of her eye, she could still see Elsa’s left hand resting at her side. Anna rested her own hand on the center console, casually, and waited. It took a while, a few minutes of nothing but the radio playing a wistful indie rock melody and the sound of rushing air outside the car, adding to the feeling of calm elation.

There was the brush of a hand against her own and Anna intertwined their fingers quietly.


	6. First Instincts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Dysphoria, misgendering, deadnaming, internalized homophobia.
> 
> Most of this chapter is from Elsa's point of view. As she does not know Anna is trans, the narrative refers to Anna as "Finn" with he/him pronouns.

**Chapter Six**

**First Instincts**

They had spent the first couple of minutes of the car ride in comfortable silence.

“ _So, Elsa._ ”

Elsa took her eyes away from the window and looked at Finn. She looked down when she realized they were still holding hands, and her face blushed fiercely. Would it be weird if she tried to take her hand away? Would it be rude? She decided not to do anything but now that she was aware of it, her entire attention was focused on that one part of her body, as if all there was to her was her own hand gripped within Finn’s own.

She tried to move past it and asked, “ _Yes, Finn?_ ”

“ _I was just wondering… your dad said you like to hang out at the park near my house._ ”

Elsa raised an eyebrow. “ _Yes?_ ”

Finn shrugged. “ _I was just curious, why? Doesn’t Arendelle Heights have its own park? Or a park nearby?_ ”

Elsa sighed and turned back to the window. “ _Those parks are boring. There’s hardly anybody there, it’s so quiet and awkward. I can practically hear the quiet._ ”

“ _Nobody there? Ever?_ ”

Elsa shrugged. “ _Just a few couples walking their dogs and the same rich white boys hanging out by the playgrounds, smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. I don’t like the way they look at me._ ”

Elsa could feel Finn bristle at that and spared a look at him. He certainly didn’t look happy at that thought. This stirred some weird feeling in her gut, one she couldn’t quite figure out, and one she wasn’t sure if she liked or not.

Elsa decided to keep talking. “ _I like the one by your house. It feels like people actually live there, or near there, and like, people actually go there to relax or have a good time. It feels fun and safe and… I don’t know, real._ ” Why was she still talking? “ _And it has a good kind of quiet, one that’s not loud but soft._ ”

Finn seemed to relax a little and he smiled. “ _Yeah, I was… actually thinking about that earlier._ ”

“ _How so?_ ”

His face suddenly turned red and he let go of her hand to clear his throat, returning his hand to the wheel. Her hand suddenly felt cold and empty. “ _Just, I don’t know, don’t take this the wrong way. Just… that neighborhood felt, so… like there’s a billion rules to just existing._ ”

Elsa nodded, withdrawing her hand to fold her arms around her body. She clenched it into a fist against her jacket but the cold feeling never went away. “ _Yeah, it does. But I’m used to it._ ” She paused for a moment, thinking over the words in her head. “ _What about your place?_ ”

Finn shrugged. “ _I like to take walks in my neighborhood, skateboard and all that. My neighborhood’s nice and cozy… except for a few neighbors, but I think it’s like that everywhere._ ”

Elsa giggled. “ _Maybe, I haven’t spoken to my neighbors much. I think my parents like them, though._ ” She paused again, remembering what Finn had said of his parents. “ _What about your parents? How are they?_ ”

It looked like Finn had winced, his lips pursing in discomfort, but then his face settled back into seeming indifference, if it had ever changed at all. Elsa wasn’t sure if she had just imagined that or not, but then, why would she?

“Meh, _my parents are… whatever. They’re parents. Annoying and overbearing sometimes, but I mean, I have a roof over my head, right?_ ” He laughed a bit too harshly.

Elsa frowned, feeling a shiver crawl along her neck. “ _Yes, I suppose so. I guess our parents are more or less similar then, huh?_ ”

Finn gave her a wry smile, and something in his eyes seemed tired. “ _Yeah, I guess so._ ”

They spent the next few minutes in an unknowing silence. Elsa tried to push thoughts of their parents out of her head and instead focus on the time ahead. It was excitement and apprehension and all the conflicting emotions she had been feeling in the past few days, and she still didn’t know what to do with it all. But at the corner of her eye, she could see Finn tapping his fingers against the steering wheel to the soft rock music and singing along softly under his breath. It helped ease Elsa out of some of her worries, and she leaned further into her seat against the window, content to watch their surroundings pass them by.

“ _I kinda like driving,_ ” Elsa said.

Finn looked over to her, his lips twitching into a smile. “ _Yeah? It can be relaxing with the right person._ ”

“ _Do you drive often?_ ”

“ _With Kristoff and Sven, yeah. I don’t get to drive often myself, but, sometimes I prefer someone else driving. So I get to just daze off and listen to music, you know? But driving itself can be fun. I like to observe. I would take road trips if I could._ ”

“ _Do you and your family travel often?_ ”

Finn shrugged. “ _We go to Tromsø once or twice a year, depending on if we can afford it, to visit the rest of my family. We used to take more trips when I was little, all over America._ ”

“ _Really?_ ” Elsa thought about all the different states and cities in America that she had never seen, but would’ve loved to visit. Now she was here in the country and she wondered if she could ever see them. “ _Have you been to New York City?_ ”

Finn laughed. “ _Oh, yeah! We went once when I was eight and again when I was eleven. I think the first time was for Christmas. There was a lot of snow, and it was freezing, but fun! Second time was kind of just… Dad really wanted to go. He loved NYC. It was really cool! There’s so many people there, and they’re all different and amazing, and the food is great, and there’s just so much to do, you know?_ ”

“ _I’ve always wanted to go to New York. It seems kind of overwhelming, but also so much fun. Just… so different from what I’m used to. I loved Oslo so much…_ ”

“ _Norwegian cities are definitely different than American cities. A lot quieter._ ”

“ _Exactly! That’s why I loved it so much. I could just find a nice place to sit and read a book and relax, not worry about getting lost in crowds or anything. I don’t think I could belong in a place as loud and busy as New York City._ ”

Finn shrugged. “ _You belong wherever you wanna belong. It doesn’t have to even be one place, it can be three completely different places._ ”

Elsa felt something warm blossom in her chest. A shy smile crept in her face and she gingerly touched her fingers to the back of Finn’s hand. He opened his palm and they interlocked fingers again. How was he so happy, so excited, so… optimistic all the time?

“ _So, when you were there, did you… get to see the Towers?_ ”

Finn nodded, turning a bit somber. “ _Yeah… both times, we took the tour to go up to the top, and even ate in the restaurant. I really loved it! I was excited as soon as my parents pointed them out and told us we would get to go to the top. Though, I, uh…_ ” Finn rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and she could see the tips of his ears turn red. “ _I got vertigo the first time and kinda threw up before got to the top,_ heh.”

“ _Oh no!_ ” Elsa tried not to laugh but it broke free of her, just a bit. She covered her mouth in time but her body shook in silent giggles. There was just something endearing about the image that put in her head. “ _Were you okay?_ ”

“ _Yeah, yeah… my mom took me to the bathroom and cleaned me up, and she and I went down and found something else to do while my dad and brothers continued the tour. The second time went a lot more smoothly. I actually made it to the top that time!_ ”

“ _I… can’t imagine what that sight must have been._ ”

“ _It was incredible. It felt like being on top of the world for a moment. I still have the pictures if you wanna see them._ ”

Elsa nodded, smiling. Another, somewhat awkward silence filled in between them for a few moments longer. Elsa sat there in thought for a while before speaking up again.

“ _Papa travels a lot because of business. He’s been to America many times, though my mother and I have never been here before we moved._ ”

“ _She told me that, yes._ ”

Elsa nodded. She suddenly felt very self-conscious, and wondered if she was saying too much. Would Finn even care to hear this? Would her parents be okay with her speaking about this? Did any of it matter?

“ _But we’ve_ _traveled_ _throughout Europe and parts of Asia. They were fun, if a bit frightening. Just being in_ _a different part of the_ _world is sort of… awe-inspiring, I guess. But also disorienting._ ”

“ _Really?_ ” Finn frowned in thought, clearly dissecting her words. He gave a nod and small shrug. “ _I can definitely see how it would feel that way for people. Being so far away from home in a place you have no real connection to. I guess… for me, I’m just so eager to see more of the world and have new experiences!_ ”

Elsa smiled fondly. _Of course you are._

Finn looked to her with dazzling excitement on his face. “ _So, where exactly have you been? Have you been to Paris? Have you seen the Eiffel Tower?_ ”

Elsa laughed. “ _Yes, I have, and I’ve climbed it, as well._ ”

“ _What about London? Did you drink English tea and make funny faces at the guards at Buckingham Palace?_ ”

Elsa rolled her eyes. “ _Honestly, Finn._ ”

“ _Hey, I’m just asking._ ”

Elsa shook her head, but smiled. “ _I’ve been all over England, so yes, I’ve been to London. But you know there’s more to England than just London._ ”

“ _No way, really?! Next, you’re gonna say Africa’s not a country but a continent!_ ”

Elsa shoved him and he laughed.

“ _I’m just saying!_ ”

“ _You’re insufferable, Finn Solberg._ ”

There was a slight pause, a change of the mood, and it seemed as if the boy who sat there in the driver’s seat was someone completely different. He had shrunk in on himself, his shoulders to his ears, and there was a pained expression on his face. His hands gripped the steering wheel and his knuckles turned white.

But then Elsa blinked and it was all over. Finn was there, relaxed into the seat, with a hand on the steering wheel and another on the stickshift. He still had his lopsided smile in place and when he looked at her, his eyes shone with a happiness that took her breath away.

But there was something else there, she just couldn’t put her finger on it.

“ _I’d like to hear more about the places you’ve visited, someday._ ”

Elsa blushed and smiled. “ _I would like to hear about where you’ve been, too._ ”

Finn’s smile widened and he cleared his throat, brushing his hand through the hair behind his ear. “ _Well, someday, I’ll tell you all about it._ ”

The warm feeling in her chest spread through her stomach to the bottoms of her feet, to the tips of her fingers. She tightened her grip on Finn’s hand, softly, and he squeezed back.

The rest of the car ride wasn’t that much longer, only a few minutes, but those few minutes sitting like that, itching to say more and learn more but choosing silence, hands clasped, was unlike anything Elsa had experienced before.

_I have to be out of my mind… we’re just teenagers, we haven’t even known each other that long._

But already she was finding out so much about Finn that she just loved more and more, and she wanted to sit there and listen to him talk about New York City and traveling and whatever else he wanted to talk about all day long. Why? She had never felt this way about any boy before.

Her intense interests had always been around… her female friends. Back home in Oslo and here. She never had many friends but the ones she did, she treasured her time with them when she had them. She became obsessed with learning about them, spending time with them. A perverted sense of joy came with her every time she heard them talking about their days, sharing a little piece of themselves with her.

It was wrong… so very wrong, and just thinking about it sent an itch under her skin, a desire to claw those memories out of her heart and head.

Elsa shivered and retrieved her hand, folding in on herself.

“ _Are you okay?_ ”

Elsa nodded, distracted. “ _I’m fine, I’m just… cold._ ”

“ _Really?_ ”

“ _Yes, I’m sorry, I get like this sometimes. It’s nothing, really._ ”

Her words were hard-cutting, icy and emotionless, and she could sense Finn’s tension. Guilt coalesced inside her but she said nothing. There was nothing to say, nothing to do to make up for the sinful, aching memories that burned inside of her.

_I’m sorry, Finn… I don’t know what you see in me._

Elsa heard a clicking noise and turned to look at Finn turning the car’s heater on.

“ _There, is that better?_ ” he asked with a gentle smile.

Elsa struggled for words for a while, grappling with her emotions, her self-disgust and anger, and her joy and her confusion, but even as she was unsure of how to feel, her heart soared and a trembling smile spread from ear to ear.

“ _Yes, thank you, Finn._ ”

He smiled and held out his hand, and she took it into hers once more.

Soon they were pulling into a neighborhood, near the high school, in fact. Finn slowed down and drove a few blocks more before pulling to a stop and parking in front of a house. It was only one story but it was very wide. There was a pickup truck and a Volkswagen bus in the driveway. Lots of children were playing with an older man in the yard, all laughing and with large smiles on their faces. It seemed as if they enacting some fairytale battle or another, waving around cardboard sticks as if they were large swords.

Elsa felt the warmth in her grow cold again, and she shrunk, her heart beating sickly within her throat.

Finn turned her to and offered a sympathetic smile. “ _Don’t worry, Els. They’re all very nice._ ”

Elsa gave a stiff smile and nodded. “ _I’m sure they are._ ”

Finn smiled and caressed her hand momentarily, softly, encouragingly. Then he turned as he unbuckled his seatbelt, opened the car door, and stepped out.

Elsa looked down to her hand, feeling the ghost of Finn’s fingers tracing along her skin. A jittery, flustered array of emotions flooded through her and she once more found herself unable to fight back the smile that broke across her face. What was this boy doing to her?

Her car door opened and she looked up to see Finn standing there, his hand outstretched. He smiled and nodded towards the house.

“ _Ready to go?_ ”

Elsa smiled back and took his hand.

“ _Yes._ ”

They walked across the street up to the house. The children all screamed out, “ _Finn!_ ” and ran up to wrap themselves around Finn’s legs in eager hugs. He laughed and hobbled over to the older man, hands on their heads as if to protect them, joining them in their unified shouts of nursery rhymes and children’s songs. Elsa watched the spectacle with, admittedly, some confusion, but a wide smile on her face. She felt elated at the sight and couldn’t help but giggle.

_I’m starting to lose track of how many times I laugh and smile around him._

“Alright, alright,” the older man called out in a patient but firm voice. “Give Finn a rest.”

The children immediately detached themselves but all swarmed Finn for a final hug before returning to their games. The three of them watched them for a bit, smiling, before Finn and the older man turned and hugged each other.

“Hello, Finn,” the older man said, giving him a pat on the back. “How’ve you been?”

“I’m good, Pabbie, how about you?”

“Same old. Couldn’t be happier.”

“How’s your back?”

Pabbie waved a dismissive hand, offering a grateful smile. “Oh, it’s much better now. I should be back to working in no time. But thank you for asking.”

“Of course.”

Pabbie turned to Elsa, his smile turning kinder. “And who is this beautiful young lady?”

“Oh!” Finn turned and gestured for Elsa to walk closer. She did so, though slowly, hesitant. “This is Elsa Vollan. She just moved here from Norway and will be starting at Arendelle High this year.”

“Oh, Vollan! Yes, I heard of your father moving here. Big business guy, yeah? Has clients from all over the world.”

Elsa felt her face blush as she nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Well, Miss Vollan,” Pabbie said, smile wide and comforting. “Welcome to Arendelle. I hope you’ve been enjoying your stay.”

“We have, sir, thank you. And please just call me Elsa.”

“Of course, Elsa.” He looked to Finn and nodded his head towards the house. “All the others are inside, playing their video games. Pizza will be here, soon. So, go on ahead, I’ll let you kids know when it’s here.”

“Thank you, Pabbie.” Finn hugged him one last time before taking Elsa by the hand and leading her to the front door.

“Who was that?” Elsa asked.

“Pabbie, Kristoff’s… dad, I guess. Though he acts more like a kind old grandfather, to be honest. Everyone calls him Pabbie.”

“Oh, right, he’s adopted.”

Finn frowned. “Did I tell you that?”

 _Oh._ Elsa’s face flushed red hot and her throat went dry. She shook her head. _Uh oh._

“I, uh… I heard you speaking with my father earlier. Not just the end bit, but all of it. And then I ran back to my room when my mother left to get me.” She shrugged. “Sorry.”

Finn laughed. “Nah, it’s okay, Els. I’m sure I would’ve done the same in your position.”

Elsa wanted to argue this; there’s no way Finn would be so rude. But, she admitted, Finn was curious. Very curious. That much she had figured out in the past few days hanging out with him, and curiosity didn’t necessarily entail rudeness. So, maybe he was right. She closed her mouth and continued walking alongside him, their pinky fingers curled around the other.

Finn led Elsa into the house, through the foyer, past the living room, and into a hallway. It was, as Elsa examined it closely, clearly a house that lots of children called home. It was honestly a mess, and far too crowded for her taste, but there was a sense of belonging to it that she adored. It was clear that happiness and love was in abundance here, squeezed into the spaces between discarded toys and shirts and jostled couch cushions and chairs. A wayward smile tugged at her lips.

And suddenly, Elsa had an aching to know what Finn’s house was like. How did it feel? How did it look? What did Finn make of the space he was granted, the room he spent so much of his time in? She felt a twinge of shame and pushed those thoughts away.

_This is all going so fast… just take it down a notch, Elsa._

Finn led her down the hallway and a staircase at the end. There was a door that led to what Elsa assumed was a basement, although the sign that hung from it said, “Kristoff’s Den.” Finn tapped a familiar rhythm on the door.

_tap tap ta-tap tap_

Finn stepped back and cleared his throat, sending a cheeky wink towards Elsa. She blushed and let out a giggle. He really was just too much sometimes.

There was the sound of footsteps approaching the door, and a _tap tap_ in response, before the doorknob twisted and the door creaked as it was pulled open.

“Well, look who decided to drop by!” Kristoff leaned to the side of the door, giving them a wry smile. “How nice of you both!”

Elsa took a peek behind him into the room. It was actually very spacious, more-so than she would think a basement ought to be. The stairs wrapped around a large sofa which faced a large entertainment center with a huge television screen displaying the title of the video game they were about to play: Super Smash Bros Melee. The entertainment center was stacked with video games, dvds, speakers, consoles, and a large dvd player. In another part of the basement, Elsa spied a drum set, two guitars, and boxes of music CDs. There was some exercise equipment on one end of the room, a makeshift closet full of clothing and hockey equipment, and a nice soft mattress pushed into the corner.

Elsa had to wonder… was this where Kristoff slept? That seemed very odd, but maybe he preferred it down here. She imagined with as many siblings as he had, there might not have been enough room in the actual bedrooms.

“Yeah, yeah,” Finn was saying, waving a dismissive hand as he shoved past him. “We’re just here to bum food off you and beat your ass at video games.”

“Gosh, is this really what our friendship has come to, Finn?”

“Our friendship’s always been this way, Krissy. I’ve been whoring you out this whole time.”

Kristoff mock-gasped, and Elsa had to hide her own surprise at Finn’s language. She decided not to say anything about it; this was just how boys talked to each other, right? She couldn’t honestly say, she never heard boys talk to each other like this before, but then, the boys she had known were quite different from Finn and his friends.

 _You’re overthinking,_ she told herself. _At least, I think I am. I’m sure this is just silly American guy stuff._

“Alright, alright,” Kristoff was saying—the two had continued their back-and-forth but Elsa had missed it, so lost in her spiraling train of thought. “Sit down already and put your money where your mouth is, Freckles. And the pizza should be here soon.”

“C’mon, Els,” Finn beckoned towards the couch, sitting on one side and patting the cushion next to him. “Watch me totally annihilate these two jokers.”

“I should point out,” Sven said from his seat, and Elsa noticed Belle was sitting on his lap. “I haven’t said a word about anything.”

“You’re going down all the same.”

Sven closed his eyes and shook his head. “This is what neutrality gets me, I suppose.”

Elsa sat next to Finn, scooting up close to him. He flashed her a smile and leaned into her, but made no movement to hold hands or put his arm around her. A part of her was disappointed, but most of her was relieved. Her insides still twisted and turned and a need to run away started to grip her; even as she fought back, her nerves danced like fire just beneath her skin. She took several deep breaths and willed herself to calm down and watch the boys play their video games.

It was just like back at the arcade, sitting and watching Finn be in his element, the cute way his whole nose scrunched up, eyes narrowed, brow furrowed as he played so intensely. Finn, for his part, tried to explain it as best as he could while his attention wasn’t taken by the fast, second-to-second action of the game. It was a lot more intense than the game he played at the arcade, likely because he was playing against two other people who were just as competitive and focused as he was, but he would explain the different characters they played as and the games they came from, the movesets they did, what stuff meant. All while still managing to hold his own in a game that surely would have given Elsa a panic attack.

Kristoff and Sven were starting to lose their edge, especially Kristoff, and she didn’t feel the same level of intensity, of exhilaration, of—well, _fun_ , from them as she did from Finn. It may have had to do with the fact that they lost most of the games, and even when Finn lost, he still did very well and got second place. Or maybe it was just them giving each other a hard time. But Elsa loved watching it, even as she didn’t fully understand what was going on, who these characters were, what all this lingo and talk of different moves the boys were shouting at each other was, and had to do her best to grasp what information she could digest in such little time.

It was so much fun, and she wasn’t even doing anything.

 _What other games does Finn play?_ Elsa knew already but it was the idea of getting to watch Finn play those other games, the level of concentration he held and the excitement that radiated off of him, that enticed Elsa to be even more curious and wanting to watch Finn play them all. Even if she didn’t get a lot of it.

If just to see him having as much fun as he was in that moment…

After several matches, there came a knock to the door.

“Pizza’s here!” Pabbie’s voice came from behind the door.

“Alright,” Kristoff said, setting his controller down. “Once I get some food in me, _then_ I’ll start kicking your asses.”

Sven shook his head. “Wishful thinking at best.”

“Just keep Finn away from most of the pizza and we both have a better shot.”

Finn rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything. He instead turned to Elsa with a small smile on his face. “ _Are you okay?_ ”

“ _Yes, thank you. I’m having fun._ ”

His smile grew wider and his cheeks blushed, his freckles getting lost in the flush. “ _Did you, uh, wanna try your hand at it?_ ”

“ _Oh, no,_ ” Elsa shook her head fervently. “ _I’m really fine with just watching, honestly._ ”

“ _Are you sure?_ ” When Elsa nodded her head, Finn merely nodded back, smile still in place. “ _Okay, but just let me know if there’s anything you need._ ”

Elsa bit her lip as a shy smile broke through. “ _Of course, Finn… thank you._ ”

Finn smiled sweetly and squeezed her hand briefly, discretely, before moving to join the boys. She watched them shoving and teasing each other, Finn’s easy laugh floating above the voices of the other two, and her heart did a somersault.

Then a hand gripped her shoulder and she jumped.

“So, how’s it going?!” Aurora whispered conspiratorially. Elsa felt like, if her heart had did a somersault earlier, now it was shot out of a cannon. She shot Aurora a glare and the other girl rolled her eyes. “Calm down, Elsa, it’s just me.”

“You snuck up on me!”

Aurora rolled her eyes again. “Whatever, that’s not important. But I saw you guys hold hands! So? Are you two together-together?”

Elsa sighed. “We’re… I don’t know. We like each other.”

“And your parents?” Belle asked.

Elsa shrugged, frowning. She thought back to when she stepped into that living room, the tension thick and tangible between Finn and her father. The way they stood and faced each other, her father stiff and demanding, Finn looking as if he was ready to spring to action. And then they both turned and saw her and all signs of unease seemed to dissipate. But she could still sense it, lurking behind their polite smiles and rough handshake.

Elsa shrugged again. “They seem to approve.”

Belle raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Aurora squealed and jumped with joy.

“Oh, this is perfect! I knew you two would work out, I just knew it!”

Elsa rolled her eyes, but couldn’t fight back the smile. “Okay, okay, you were right, you win. Can we get some food now, please?”

They did, crowding around the kitchen island, pouring themselves glasses of soda and stacking all their plates full of pizza slices. Finn, she noticed, had four very large pizza slices with several toppings. She thought back to their first date at the restaurant, how quickly he devoured his meal. For herself, Elsa only got one regular cheese pizza slice.

“That’s all you want?” Finn asked, not unkindly. “You know you can get as much as you want.”

“I’m fine with this, for now. If I want more, I’ll get some.” Elsa shrugged, suddenly turning shy. “Are you sure it’s okay if I take more?”

“Of course! The pizza’s for us, after all, and Pabbie’s not really one to care even if you go rummaging through the kitchen cabinets.”

“He speaks from experience!” Kristoff called up from inside the basement.

“Shut up, Kristoff.”

Elsa nodded, distracted. She looked at her plate, then back up towards the kitchen. Huffing, she walked back and picked another slice of pizza, then walked back to where Finn waited for her in the hallway.

“ _I’m not actually used to eating food like this. Well, even the pizza I did eat was… much fancier and… not as greasy as this._ ”

Finn laughed, genuinely. “ _Yeah, I’ve had fancy rich people pizza. It’s alright I guess, but, the grease is where it gets so much of its flavor from!_ ” He winked and then shoved half of a slice into his mouth and took a huge bite.

Elsa didn’t mean to stare, really, she didn’t, but it was quite impressive to watch Finn eat so much. When Finn noticed her gaping, he blushed and covered his mouth.

“ _Sorry,_ ” he managed to say through his mouthful of food.

“ _Oh, no! I’m sorry for staring, that was rude._ ”

Finn waved his hand. “ _Nah, it’s not like you’re saying anything about it. I know I have a big appetite and I eat a lot, when I can, anyways, and it’s kind of amazing to see, haha!_ ”

Elsa smiled, but she couldn’t help but notice what he said. “ _When you can?_ ”

Finn shrugged, suddenly seeming unsure of himself. When he spoke, his voice was low, as if he was worried someone would overhear him. “ _My mom can be pretty strict about what food we eat, and how much._ ”

“ _Oh… I know how that goes. My parents have… ideas, on what food is good food for us and expectations on what to eat. Fast food and, well, food like this, they definitely wouldn’t be happy to see me eating it,_ heh.”

Finn smirked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “ _Well,_ _our parents aren’t here,_ _so…_ ”

Elsa felt her own mischievous giddiness erupting within. She smiled, wry and eager and kinda rebellious, and promptly took a big bite of the pizza slice. The greasy cheese melted in her mouth and the explosion of taste left her reeling. She stared wide-eyed at Finn, who doubled over laughing.

“ _I take it you like it!_ ”

Elsa nodded enthusiastically, and Finn laughed again.

“ _Good! I’m glad._ ”

“ _I wonder if my parents would even care that I’m eating this… it’s just food, and it tastes so good._ ”

“ _Your first thought was that they wouldn’t. Our first instincts tend to be the right ones._ ”

Elsa looked up to Finn. His smile seemed softer, less defined, and there was an edge to the look in his eyes.

“ _What does yours say?_ ”

Finn shrugged, then took another bite of the slice. Pretty much all that was left of it was the crust. He waved her towards the den, the door still ajar, where the others were waiting for them.

“ _Mine say a lot. I’m still figuring out what exactly. But that’s part of the fun, yeah?_ ” He winked and skipped ahead.

Elsa smiled, but it was a distracted smile. A conflict of emotions burned in her chest as Finn’s words bounced inside of her skull, and she thought them over several times as she closed the door behind her, walked down the stairs, and sat down on the couch next to him. She could barely hear his conversation with his friends, could barely feel the feather-light touch of his hand on her arm.

What _were_ her first instincts?

When she thought of it like that, put it all into the context of Finn’s words, it was a bit easier to dissect her thoughts. Guilt coalesced thick in her gut, and swallowing became hard. She shoved the slice of pizza into her mouth, her taste buds tingling, but she was too distracted to enjoy it, and it became like ash instead.

Elsa decided she didn’t like what her first instincts said.

* * *

 

Anna honestly couldn’t say how she was feeling.

She was ecstatic, overjoyed, in awe and absolute bliss, but she was also panicking, confused, lost, and a little scared. No, okay, _a lot_ scared.

Here in Kristoff’s room, she played the part of Finn very well. The boys likely forgot who Anna even was, and the girls were none the wiser. Elsa especially, sitting next to her, her beautiful blue eyes wide with affection, and Anna sometimes forgot that look was for someone else. Someone who didn’t exist.

It was a terrifying tightrope act Anna had to play, balancing on the thin line of reality and fiction, with any one wrong move likely to send her toppling over the side. And what made it all worse was she was honestly having the time of her life. Playing video games with Kristoff and Sven, getting to know Aurora and Belle better, all with Elsa at her side, slowly easing into her own comfort zone and opening up, bit by bit. Every time she turned to ask Elsa if she was okay, and they smiled at each other, Anna felt like she could dance. She felt alive, she felt in awe, she felt… in love.

Was she? She couldn’t say for certain, and the idea still stirred her stomach uneasily just as much as it left her wanting more. Still several voices warned her, urged her to flee, and the panic settled in deep. But then she would hear Elsa laugh at some stupid joke she said and she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t get up and leave this all behind. Part of her even wanted this to never end, despite the horrible ache in her stomach.

And so she stayed, and continued on with the act. But with every instance of falling further into this weirdly intense pot of feelings she experienced around Elsa, there was that jolt of realization that sent the conflict of emotions boiling inside of her. That Elsa didn’t know Anna, couldn’t know Anna, and likely never would.

How did she feel? Honestly, how did she feel? Anna tried to make herself answer that authentically, not to anyone but her own mind and soul, and found that she couldn’t. Not now, anyways.

_I feel… I just… feel._

It was an intense feel, though, one that ached and glowered and clung and flowed all at once. It scratched and pulled at her skin, leaving her numb and still, sitting there alone. Her surroundings were boxy and undefined, and she was static. It became easier to tune things out, but it also became harder to really react with any authenticity.

Anna wondered if anyone noticed.

“ _Are you okay?_ ”

It was Elsa, and when Anna looked at her, she could tell she was concerned. The others were all giggling and talking and otherwise occupied. She didn’t mind; in fact, she was beyond thankful. Her heart pounded loud in her ears but it felt detached, distant and muffled like she was listening to someone else’s heartbeat through a stethoscope. Her body rested against the cushions of the couch and when she moved her hand to hold Elsa’s, it felt sticky and limp and too big, like it had fallen asleep. She suppressed her cringe and smiled wide.

“ _Yeah, of course! I’m having the time of my life, being here with you! I’m just tired, don’t worry about me, Elsa._ ”

Elsa frowned, seemingly unconvinced. Anna sighed and rubbed her palms into her eyes.

“ _I’m just tired, really._ ”

“ _What did you do today? Before you came and got me?_ ”

Anna blinked and thought back to her morning. It was honestly nothing too eventful, just avoiding her mother as usual, forgetting her father sometimes realized she existed, and warring with her brother for space. It was tiring to exist in her house, she knew this already, and it had become more and more tiring with each passing day. Things like this, hanging out with friends, making new friends, was the light that brightened the darkness that otherwise clung to her life.

And here, with Elsa, that light shone even brighter.

Anna needed to be thankful for that, at least.

She smiled and shrugged, too aware of how her shoulders moved and balling her fists. “ _Nothing too exciting. Same as usual._ ”

Elsa’s frown deepened. “ _Are you coming down with something?_ ”

 _Ha! You could say that, yes._ Anna frowned and pretended to think about it. “ _Maybe I am…_ geeze, _I sure hope not. That’s one thing I really don’t need to deal with on the first day of school,_ haha!”

Elsa wrapped her arm around Anna’s and leaned in close. Part of her wanted to spring up from the couch and get far away, to not be touched, and the other part of her reveled in it. She leaned in closer, and shut out the darkness just long enough to enjoy herself. They sat like that for several moments, feeling at ease. It was amazing to think she could, but she did. Elsa helped anchor her in the rolling sea that was her… everything, even if Elsa didn’t realize it.

_I wish I could tell her just how much that means to me… just how much I feel and what I feel. I wish we could hold each other tighter without the worry._

“ _Maybe we should get going,_ ” Elsa’s voice broke through the dim haze of Anna’s thoughts. “ _It’s getting rather late._ ”

Anna checked her watch. Sure enough, it was 8:20.

“ _Alright, let’s get going, then._ ” Anna pushed herself up from the couch, helping Elsa stand up as well. She waited for the others to finish their conversation, their laughter loud, before clearing her throat.

“Hey guys, we gotta get going. I need to take Elsa home, plus I’m getting tired.”

Kristoff looked her over, raising an eyebrow and looking slightly concerned. “You alright, bro?”

A shiver ran up her spine and she fought back another grimace. “I’m fine, at least I hope I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

Kristoff nodded, and dropped the conversation. He stood up and hugged Anna tight, saying, “Alright, Finn, see you at school, then.”

“See you later, Finn,” Sven said, standing up to join in hugging.

“Group hug!” Aurora cried.

Anna laughed as the six of them all gathered and piled in on each other, hugging and laughing and stumbling over each other’s feet. It lifted the cloud of uncertainty that simmered above her, returning presence to her body. It was a much-needed reprieve, a moment to remind Anna she was loved, in some way.

Kristoff and Sven accepted her, knew the real her, even if they didn’t really realize it. And in that moment, she thought, maybe the girls could, too.

Maybe, someday, Elsa could, too…

Anna pictured the six of them like this again, some time in the future, but it was really _them,_ all of them. Anna was there, not Finn. Her heart trembled.

Anna and Elsa left the house, saying their goodbyes to Pabbie, and making their way back to the car. Anna let Elsa in before seating herself in the driver’s seat, closing the door and turning the ignition on.

“ _Did you have fun?_ ” Anna asked.

Elsa nodded, her smile bright and genuine. “ _I really did… did you?_ ”

Anna smiled easily. “ _Of course, Elsa. I love being with you._ ”

Elsa’s face blushed and she looked down at her hands. Anna watched her, butterflies fluttering like mad in her stomach, her fingers itching to touch Elsa’s skin. She bit back a sigh, half content and half anxious, before grabbing the steering wheel and driving away from the curb.

The drive back to Elsa’s house was quiet and brimming with words aching to be said. The music from the radio only did so much to fill that silence, stoking the fires of their emotions and thoughts. Everything still felt heavy, in several ways, and Anna was bursting at the seams with frantic energy. That night was a night to remember, and she didn’t know how to take it. Was she happy? Was she sad? What was she?

Next to her, she could feel Elsa asking herself the same questions. Somehow, she just knew it.

Before she even realized it, Anna was pulling up to the gate of Arendelle Heights. The same guard as before waved her in, and they continued their silent trip through the neighborhood. Nobody was out anymore; Anna spied one group of people hanging by the front door, likely someone returning home from a dinner with a friend and saying good night. The quiet outside added to the quiet inside, and Anna felt uneasy.

Anna pulled up to the front of Elsa’s house and parked. She helped Elsa out of the car and, their hands clasped tightly together, they walked up to the front door. The crickets chirping did enough to liven the dark streets up a little, although the porch lights illuminating the large house made it feel even more ominous than it did before.

“ _Alright,_ ” Anna said, turning to Elsa. “ _I guess I’ll see you Monday, yeah?_ ”

Elsa nodded. She looked terribly conflicted. “ _When, exactly?_ ”

Anna shrugged. “ _Probably at first break. What does your schedule look like?_ ”

Elsa shrugged, rubbing at her arms. “ _AP English Literature and AP Chemistry before first break. And then I have trigonometry and economics before lunch, and my final two classes are AP French and history._ ”

Anna bit back a chuckle. “ _Yeah. You’re gonna be swamped with homework._ ”

Elsa lifted her chin a little, a haughty look in her eye. “ _Nothing I can’t handle._ ”

“ _I don’t doubt it._ ”

They stood there for a few minutes, basking in the silence around them, just staring into each other’s eyes. The uncertainty from earlier pulled back over them, but it felt different this time. It felt less like an obstacle and more like a riddle. Anna looked down to Elsa’s hands, wound tight around each other, and then back into her eyes, and she could sense the question that was about to be asked.

“Finn… _are we… together?_ ”

“ _Like, dating? Like… boyfriend and girlfriend-type dating?_ ”

Elsa nodded.

The words had hurt to say. Anna wanted so badly to say the truth, but she couldn’t. She burned with it, she fell apart with it, screaming on the inside just who she really was. But she knew she couldn’t, as much as she wanted to, and so the words had fallen from her lips, heavy and clingy and tasting bitter.

Despite everything, however, the obvious answer to Anna was to say yes, they were dating. It was clear, from the moment Anna picked Elsa up and all throughout the day, they both wanted each other. At least, it felt clear to her, and Elsa’s words and actions always seemed to back that up. But this wasn’t a question for her to answer.

Then she thought back to what she had told Elsa earlier, and smiled.

“ _What do your instincts tell you?_ ”

Elsa was quiet for a moment, but Anna was not worried. Whatever answer came forward, she knew it would be a good one. It would be sweet and kind and patient and Elsa. And when their eyes met, she felt for a moment the wall break down, and she stood there for Elsa to see. Even if Elsa couldn’t know exactly what she was seeing, Anna knew she was, in a way, able to see the real her. And the smile that touched Elsa’s lips filled her with an emotion she couldn’t put to human words.

“ _It’s telling me… that I want to kiss you._ ”

That was the last that they spoke of that night, because nothing else needed words. Elsa stepped forward and the silence thinned between them. Heat took up the space, not suffocating or sticky but soft and careful to touch. An unspoken promise they made together, in that moment, as they leaned forward, hesitating, still so uncertain.

Anna felt her heart about to burst in her chest. Was this okay? Was this smart? Was this… what was this? What was she doing? She knew this could not last and yet here she was. Terror turned her legs to jelly and she thought she would collapse there, on the front porch of Elsa’s house, either into Elsa’s arms or onto the ground. She thought she would break down crying.

Was she being too dramatic? Without the foresight necessary, Anna couldn’t tell. Maybe she was. Maybe this was what she needed. And the terror and despair turned to determined anger, to joyful spite.

To hell with everything else, with school, with the bullies, with her and Elsa’s parents, with their dumb rules, with their ridiculous expectations. To hell with Mr. Vollan’s “perfect ideal husband for my daughter,” bullshit spiel, and to hell with her own mother’s obsessive need to dictate her life for her.

To hell with the whole damn world, and everything everyone expected of them.

Because in that brief moment before their lips touched, Anna knew that this was right.

Anna knew that this was, in some way, meant to be.


	7. Calling Your Bluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Dysphoria, misgendering, deadnaming, transphobia, homophobia, anxiety, bullying, child abuse.
> 
> Some of this chapter is from Elsa's point of view. As she does not know Anna is trans, the narrative refers to Anna as "Finn" with he/him pronouns.

**Chapter Seven**

**Calling Your Bluff**

“ _Finn, time to wake up!_ ”

Anna groaned as wakefulness abruptly took over, leaving behind a thick groggy cloud of sleep that pulled her down. She bundled up even further underneath her blankets, willing herself to relax for just five more minutes.

_Just five more…_

“FINN!!”

Her door slammed open and the whole room shook. Anna groaned as the blankets were promptly ripped off of her.

“Mom! Just give me a second…”

“Second’s up.”

“I literally just woke up…”

“And you are literally grounded for a month if you don’t get your butt up right this moment. School starts in two hours and you better be ready, or else.”

And with that, she left, leaving the door wide open.

_School starts in two hours,_ Anna scoffed and rolled her eyes. _It’s literally a five minute drive away._

Anna sighed and sat up, stretching and groaning at the soft cracks throughout her body. The light filtering in through the window was soft but still managed to glare a little too brightly into her eyes. She blinked and growled and tried to turn away but it was too late. Anna sighed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

_I hate mornings._

Anna had never been one to get up early, or enjoy it, especially with her mother arriving like hellfire to make sure every single person in the house was awake and ready to go. (For what, exactly, wasn’t always clear.) If she had the ability to, Anna would sleep in until ten, or even twelve, and then spend the rest of the day playing video games or hanging out with Kristoff and Sven. But that wasn’t exactly a realistic desire, especially now that school was starting, and she rarely slept in past eight, even during breaks. Her mother would never allow it.

_To be fair, though, I’m not the only one._ Anna thought, still struggling through the fog of sleep that lingered around her. _Mom’s been strict about that rule for everyone for as long as I can remember._

Anna sighed and stretched once more, letting out a mighty yawn, before pushing herself out of bed and grabbing the clothing she had set out the night before. She walked out of her room and over to the bathroom.

Two steps out of her room, Anna felt a violent shove to her right send her flying into the wall with a harsh thud. There was a distinct and familiar cackle accompanied by the quick patter of feet and the slamming of a door. Anna looked over to the bathroom just in time to hear the click of the lock.

“ _Lukas!!_ ”

“You snooze you lose, frogface!”

Anna punched the door hard, ignoring the pain in her knuckles. “I hate you so much!”

“Hey!” Anna turned to see her mother poking her head out of her room, an ugly scowl on her face. “Leave your brother alone and wait for the bathroom like a normal person.”

Anna glowered but did and said nothing until her mother was back in the room, throwing an angry and defiant middle finger her way. When she heard the shower turn on, she did the same to the bathroom door.

_I hate mornings._

Anna stood by the door, glowering and waiting for a good fifteen minutes before the shower finally turned off. There was another five minutes before her brother finally left the bathroom. Lukas elbowed Anna hard in the stomach on his way out and as Anna was doubled over, she retaliated by smacking him in the face and shoving him away.

“Piss off, Gremlin.”

“Geeze, calm down, Freckles,” Lukas drawled with his usual smirk in place. “It’s not the end of the world just because I _showered_ before you.”

“That’s not it, and you know it.” Anna glared at him, feeling as if she could melt him on the spot with the heat of her anger. “And stop calling me that.”

“Why not, Freckles?” Lukas’ cheerfully smug smile grew even wider and Anna tried to swipe at his face again. “Your buddy Kristoff calls you that all the time.”

“Kristoff is my friend and not a little brat like you.”

“Aww, maybe you should marry him then.”

“ _Hey._ ”

The two of them turned to see their father standing in the doorway of his bedroom, paused in the midst of working on his tie. His eyes were glaring hot and cold into them, like a brand or the intense burn of ice. His voice never raised an octave, but growled deep and sinister, promising retribution.

“That kind of talk is not allowed in this household. I don’t wanna hear anymore of it, or there will be consequences. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” they both said quietly, heads bowed and turned away. They waited for their father to nod and dismiss them before hurrying off. Anna dove into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. Her heart was pounding a panicked, sickly beat.

_I hate mornings._

Anna turned the shower on and stripped down. She clutched her hands to shoulders, covering her chest with her arms as tightly as she could to where they began to hurt. Beating inside of her chest, her heart ached. Her actions felt muted and out of touch as she quickly walked into the shower and began to lather her body in soap. Anna did her best to ignore how mechanical everything felt.

It was worse this morning than it had been all week, or any other morning that she could remember. Anna usually liked the harsh brutal temperature of a hot shower beating away at her skin. But this morning, even that couldn’t help her ignore it. It clawed at her, whispered at her ear, itched at the back of her neck in the most perverse way. She could feel it in specific parts of her body, aware now more than ever of what should’ve been there, or what shouldn’t be there. Now, in the shower, with nothing in the way, the dysphoria clung to her body like a parasite, and no matter how hard or how much she rubbed the soap into her body, how long she stood in that burning water, there was nothing she could do to get it off of her.

If there was one good thing the shower served, the hot burning water made the crying less noticeable, even for herself.

Anna was out in less than five minutes.

“Finn, are you ready yet?”

“Yes, Mom, I’m ready.” Anna had just finished dressing when her mother barged in.

Her mother looked her over once, twice, and scoffed.

“You’re not going to school looking like that, you look like a slob.”

Anna looked over her clothes with the deadened look of someone who’s done this a dozen times in the past month. “Mom, I’m just wearing a black t-shirt with a button-down and some jeans. I look fine.”

“It’s your first day back at school, show a little pride in how you present yourself. What do you think college is going to be like?”

“I imagine in college, people are gonna care even less about what I wear.” But it was too late; her mother was already fishing into her closet searching for another outfit. Anna bit back the urge to sigh.

“Here,” Her mother had pulled out a very nice sweater vest. “Put this on.”

“Mom! It’s just the first day! Nobody’s gonna care, I promise. I’ll wear that for Picture Day.”

Her mother rolled her eyes. “Alright, alright,” she said in a long-suffering voice as she turned back to the closet. “But I’m holding you to your word. And at least button up your shirt, if you’re not going to wear something nicer.”

Anna sighed. “Yes, Mom.”

“And comb your hair, or I’ll do it for you. It’s sticking up in the back. I’ll need to make you a hair appointment before Picture Day.”

Anna swallowed down the sudden taste of bile. She could only nod, her words stuck in her throat. She mechanically began to button up her shirt and ran a numb hand through her hair. Checking once in the mirror, she made sure her hair looked “presentable” enough to keep her mother from harassing her any further.

_I look like my hair got attacked by a vacuum cleaner._ Anna sighed and took a comb off her dresser, carefully patting her hair down.

Her mother was right in that her hair had gotten longer than she had realized. Anna quite liked the way her bangs fell just above her eyes, and the feel of running her hand through the back of her hair. If Anna closed her eyes, she could imagine her hair going on for longer, waves of soft red locks between her fingers. Curled slightly so that there was a gentle wave to it. A small smile twitched at the corner of her lips.

When she opened her eyes, her hair was short again. Her heart dropped to the bottom of her stomach.

Anna put the comb back down on top of the dresser. She was done with her hair.

_Please just let this be good enough._

Anna went about packing her school supplies into her bag. Binder, books, highlighters, mechanical pencils, some pens; she made sure to keep them all organized and placed where she could remember where they were. It wasn’t something she particularly cared about; there was a certain level of organization Anna subconsciously kept everything to, though her parents would disagree, but she had to admit she was fairly messy. And she knew by the end of the week, she was likely to fall back to her old practice of just throwing shit into the bag.

But it was enough to keep her distracted, if just barely, and that was what she needed. Her class schedule was tucked into her shirt pocket, her phone and wallet were placed in her back pocket, her keys in her bag—and that was it.

Anna tossed her backpack over her shoulder and left the room.

Lukas and Bard were seated at the table, eating their breakfast. Bard’s attention was completely invested in the tv, so much so that his spoonfuls of Lucky Charms often ended up missing his mouth completely and going onto his shirt.

“Pay attention to what you’re doing, Bard, god,” Lukas drawled, pushing his food around on his plate. “You look like a retard.”

Bard glared at Lukas and promptly flung his spoon like a catapult. The milk and marshmallows flew across the table and hit Lukas in the eye with amazing accuracy.

“Hey!”

“Haha! And this round goes to Bard!” Anna cheered, giving Bard a high five. “Way to go, little buddy.”

Lukas mumbled something under his breath as he took his napkin and began to wipe himself off. “Better be careful, Finn,” he said. “If Mom hears you encouraging bad behavior in Bard, you’re really gonna get it.”

Anna scooped some eggs and bacon onto her plate, her hands and fingers thick and clumsy as she dragged her fork against the plate, the harsh metallic sound ringing in her ears. Everything felt on edge, like she was standing with half of her feet off a far-up roof overlooking a sprawling city.

“You know,” she said, chewing on a mouthful of egg. “I don’t particularly care at the moment.”

“Oh, that’s good to know,” Lukas sneered. “So when you’re grounded for a month, are you gonna feel the same way?”

“Yeah, go for it, gremlin,” Anna said as she sat down, giving him a cheerful smile. “Go snitch on me to Mom. Full speed ahead.”

Lukas watched warily, an eyebrow raised. “You’re weirder than usual today.”

Anna only shrugged and continued eating. As the silence thickened between them, she could feel Lukas’ hesitation before he grumbled something to himself and returned to eating. Apparently, the chase was no longer desirable when she forfeited before round one. Unsurprising, and perhaps, understandable. Anna ignored it all and kept shoveling food into her mouth.

There was the feeling of something wet on her arm and she snatched it back, shocked. Looking up, she saw Bard staring at her, eyes wide but face otherwise emotionless, holding a spoonful of milk and soggy Lucky Charms up to her. Anna had to laugh despite herself; the sight was just so out of nowhere. Bard continued to stare at her expectantly.

“I’m fine, Bard, but thank you.”

Bard shrugged and promptly shoved the spoonful of cereal into his mouth, his eyes diverting back to the tv.

The rest of the morning went about the same as usual. Mostly. Anna scarfed down her breakfast, the taste dull and uninspiring—but that may have just been her. Lukas fiddled with his food, picking at it now and then but eating slowly, in small portions. Both of them got an earful of scorn from their mother for it, and that’s where Anna’s first major act of rebellion for the day took place.

“All this food,” she said, gesturing at Lukas’ plate still half-covered in now-cold bacon and eggs. “And barely a bite! Where did you pick up this awful habit of yours? Certainly not from your brothers.”

“I want something tasty for once, Mom,” Lukas whined. “Like, why does Bard get to eat Lucky Charms and sugary cereals but I don’t?”

“You’re not a child anymore, Lukas, grow up.” She pushed the plate closer to him, ignoring his complaining. “Honestly, Lukas, if you get sick, it’s your own fault.”

“I’ll finish the rest of his food, Mom.” Anna held her hands out to take the plate.

Her mother slapped her hands away, a severe look in her eyes. “I think not. You’ve had plenty of food to eat. And you want to eat even more? Now I _definitely_ know your brother doesn’t get his habits from you.” She looked over the empty plate and scoffed as she took it into her hands. “We’ve been over this before, Finn. What if you get fat? Do you think that’s good for playing baseball?”

Anna glared at her mother as she retreated into the kitchen. She and Lukas exchanged dark looks, both looking chastised and their moods ruined. Lukas continued to pick at his food, muttering to himself. Anna could hear her mother cleaning the dishes in the kitchen and decided to do something she normally would never do.

“Hey, Lukas,” she whispered, holding her hand out. “Give it to me.”

Lukas’ eyes widened as he realized what she was about to do. Anna could see a tinge of fear in his eyes and hesitation still his movements. She made a gesture to hurry, eyeing the door to the kitchen and listening intently to the sounds within.

Lukas handed her his plate and she held it up to her face, scooping up the rest of the food as quickly as she could. It was cold, the eggs rubbery and the bacon hard and crispy. She forced herself to chew as fast as she could and swallow it down, making sure not to scrape the fork against the plate too loudly. Lukas kept looking between her and the kitchen door, excitement and panic clear on his face. Bard was watching with rapt attention.

Anna was done within the minute, still chewing on the last bit of food as she placed the plate back in front of Lukas and motioned with her head towards the foyer. Lukas took the hint and grabbed his backpack, jumping up from the chair and hightailing it out of the kitchen. Anna grabbed her own bag and stood, but turned to Bard and placed a finger on her lips to signal to keep quiet. Bard nodded solemnly and intently returned to his breakfast, looking as if he had a great quest to complete.

Anna and Lukas rushed up the stairs and into the bathroom, neither bothering to try and beat the other or lock them out, knowing their fates rested with each other. They brushed their teeth, flossed, and washed their faces as quickly as they could before racing back down the stairs. Anna caught her father just as he was about to enter his office.

“Hey, Dad, can I take the car to drop Lukas off?”

Her father eyed her suspiciously, an eyebrow raised. “ _You_ want to drive your brother to school?”

“Yeah, sure, that way you can get to work and Mom doesn’t have to deal with all of us.”

For a few seconds, Anna honestly didn’t think she’d get away with it. She knew her father didn’t buy her bullshit; could see it in his eyes, the way he stared her down, and the twisting sinking feeling in her gut. But then he simply shrugged, reached into his coat pocket, and handed her the keys.

“Come home straight from school, because I need my car for a client this afternoon.”

“Thanks, Dad!” Anna ran off as soon as he finished; Lukas had already escaped the second the keys touched her hand. As she stepped outside, she could feel her father’s stare on the back of her neck, but did her best to ignore it.

“That was risky as shit, Finn,” Lukas exclaimed in a breathless whisper. The panic and excitement still shone in his bright, wide eyes. “Where the fuck did that come from?”

“Shut up and just get in the car before they both figure us out.”

Anna walked quickly to the driver’s side and ducked in without daring a single glance back at the house. Lukas likewise ran to the passenger side and got in at about the same time. They threw their seatbelts on, Anna put the keys in the ignition and turned, and—as safely as she could—peeled out of the driveway and off to Arendelle High.

“You ate a full breakfast and a half right behind Mom _and_ conned Dad out of his car.” Lukas said in rushed laughter, leaning forward to turn the radio on. He immediately tuned it to a loud rock station and turned the volume up. “Do you even realize how ballsy that was of you?”

Anna grimaced at her brother’s choice of words. The taste of adrenaline turned bitter in the back of her throat and it took all her willpower to ignore it. Instead, she simply rolled her eyes and turned the music down to a tolerable volume.

“Don’t complain,” Anna said when she sensed Lukas about to do just that. “If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be in there picking at your food.”

“But _why_ did you do that? Usually when Mom gets that way, you just sorta deal with it. I mean, you kinda _have_ to.”

Anna shrugged. Truthfully, she didn’t know why she did it. In the heat of the moment, it all just seemed so damn ridiculous to her, her mother’s attitude regarding the way her brother and her ate their food. It was stupid. And it happened every time they had a simple meal. Why couldn’t they just eat a single goddamn meal without her saying something?

Now that it was over and the anger was starting to fade, Anna felt panic course in its place. Her arms shook, her palms sweaty on the steering wheel, and a sob started to build in the pit of her chest. She wouldn’t dare allow herself to cry in front of Lukas so she kept her mouth shut for the rest of the drive.

But Anna knew when they got back home, there was a likely chance they would have to deal with their mother’s wrath, which would have a whole day to simmer and build on itself. Her father likewise would be very unhappy that she used him to get out of a scolding. He likely wouldn’t allow her to use his car for a long time after this.

“All I’m saying is,” Lukas’ voice broke Anna out of her reverie as she drove the car into the parking lot. He had apparently been talking for a while now, his feet resting up on the dashboard. “If you keep this up, let me know. I wanna figure out if it’s worth it or not to get involved or if your gonna get your ass whooped.”

Anna rolled her eyes. “How nice of you. And get your feet off the dashboard. Dad’s gonna flip out if you scuff it.”

“Not at me, he won’t.” Despite his words, Lukas quickly took his feet down, and Anna could sense some concern in his eyes as he checked the dashboard.

Anna pulled the car up to the front of the school, putting it in park as Lukas grabbed his bag and unbuckled.

“You remember where to go, right?”

“Duh,” Lukas said with a roll of his eyes. He pulled out his paper and waved it at Anna’s face. “Mom got me a map and took me here over the summer to show me where everything is.”

_Oh, that’s nice._ Anna thought bitterly, remembering her freshman year of high school. _I would have had to walk myself here if it weren’t for Miss Koeman._

Anna only nodded, saying, “Okay, send me a text when you’re out. I’ll most likely be waiting here.”

“Got it,” Lukas said as he closed the door and ran off without so much as a look back.

Anna let out a heavy sigh she felt pinned on the inside of her chest, a weight that didn’t seem to let up as she drove away and into the student parking lot. It was slow-moving, trying to get in, trying to find a parking spot. Lots of parents dropping off kids or kids driving themselves, kids running in between cars in packs.

After about five minutes of inching her way through the student parking lot, Anna finally found a free space near the back and parked her father’s car expertly. She turned it off and threw the keys into her backpack as she retrieved it from the backseat, then opened the car door and walked out. Fishing her phone out of her pocket, Anna sent a quick text to Kristoff and Sven to let them know she was there, then began her walk toward the school buildings.

“Finn!”

Anna stopped dead in her tracks, the skin on the back of her neck crawling and arms and legs turning frozen. She suppressed a dark scowl as she turned slowly on her heels, but she couldn’t quite fix a smile on her face as she looked over in the direction the voice came from. So, instead, she greeted Aurora, Belle, and Elsa with a dead-eyed look of pure stoicism.

“Hey, you okay?” Aurora asked, her face settling into a deep frown.

“Hm?” Anna blinked, pretending to be confused as she gathered herself. “Oh! Yeah, sorry, I was just distracted, thinking stuff.” She forced on a bright smile.

“Worried about your classes?”

Anna fake-cringed and merely nodded, appearing defeated. “Yeah, a little. I generally don’t have much luck with my schoolwork, and the schedule always seems to conspire against me.”

“You could always try your luck in getting a schedule change.” Belle suggested, with the sort of dismal tone that said exactly what she thought of Anna’s chances for that.

“Ha! I learned that lesson the hard way my first year here. I still get night terrors about that day.”

Aurora and Belle laughed, but Elsa didn’t say anything. Anna turned to her, worried that maybe she was upset or too nervous to speak. Instead, she found Elsa looking at her with a confused frown on her face.

“I don’t get it…”

She said it in such an adorably sheepish voice that Anna couldn’t help but laugh.

“Just that,” she said quickly, after clearing her throat. “Trying to get your schedule changed is kind of futile. The office is packed and most of the staff just turns kids away.”

“How long did you stay your freshman year before you were turned away, Finn?” Aurora asked.

“Oh, I left when I noticed I had about five minutes to spare for homeroom.” Anna rolled her eyes. “At that point, there was clearly no reason to stick around.”

The four of them walked a few ways, continuing to speak about the coming year. At first, Anna kind of liked this—hanging out with the other girls, without the boys trying to show off in their usual thick-headed ways. She liked having Elsa at her side, the two of them laughing at Aurora and Belle’s antics, offering their own little inputs now and then.

But still, there was that insipid voice in the back of her head, the reality check that she did not belong here. The more she stayed there, the more she realized just how she was different from the other girls, in the way they looked at her, talked around her, addressed with a name that was never meant for her. She began to quiet down, and the small sense of comfort she had gained had faded away. Back to feeling muted, like a mess of misshapen clumps stacked together, polygons stretched too thin.

Anna hated being there.

“Hey, Finn!”

Anna couldn’t hold in the flinch that time. She sighed and looked up to give Kristoff and Sven a weary smile. If they noticed, they didn’t say anything, but something in the way their eyes alighted on Aurora and Belle told Anna they didn’t notice at all. Ah, well, she didn’t expect anything else, really.

“Hey, guys. What’s up?”

“Not much, we just got here,” Kristoff put his arm around Aurora and the two walked off. “Meet you up in homeroom, Finn.”

Sven gave Kristoff a baleful shrug, but likewise held hands with Belle and nodded to Anna. “See you in a bit, Finn.”

Anna rolled her eyes. “Yeah, see you guys.” She sighed, running a hand through her hair. The sick feeling from earlier curdled in her stomach, and Anna was starting to regret eating all of Lukas’ breakfast now.

“Finn?” It was Elsa’s voice, quiet underneath the mad ramblings of her own inner demons, but loud enough to break through the dreary silence that surrounded her. “ _Are you alright?_ ”

Anna had to smile at her voice. She couldn’t help it; everything about Elsa made her happy. But everything about Elsa made her so anxious, too, and she couldn’t quite swallow down the worry as she tried to say, “ _I’m fine, Elsa, just… it’s school. I’ve never really liked school all that much._ ”

Elsa’s frown deepened. “ _Why’s that?_ ”

Anna opened her mouth to answer, but something—or someone—answered for her with a violent _thwack_ to the side of her head. She staggered forward, her vision blurry with red hot pain and the sting of tears. Anna’s hand went to her head, now throbbing in pain, as her gaze fell on the single football that landed wobbling at their feet.

_Goddammit._

“Oops,” came a sly, drawling voice, accompanied by loud laughter. “Did I do that? Sorry, Finn.”

Anna swallowed down a heavy sob as she looked up, glaring, at that dreaded figure of Hans Westerguard. He stood there with his smarmy smile in place, wearing his varsity jacket, shoulders resting easy and head cocked to the side.

“I forgot you have feminine hands.”

Hans’ posse of football-tossing jerkwads all burst into laughter, that malevolent glint all shared throughout their eyes pointed at Anna. Her glare deepened but she said nothing as she stooped down to pick up the football. It felt hot and heavy in her trembling hands, and a part of her was so tempted to just pop it.

“Be a good sport and toss the ball back here, yeah, Finn?”

Before she could respond, the football was snatched out of Anna’s hands. She gawked as Elsa turned, formed a somehow-perfect stance, and tossed the football as hard as she could in the opposite direction. It soared and landed into the nearest wastebin with a loud and abrupt _thunk._ The sound seemed to echo in Anna’s head as a shocked silence spread for several moments. Everyone’s eyes were on Elsa as she turned to Hans with a cold, dark glare. Anna shivered.

“You want it?” Elsa asked in a soft voice that trembled with anger. Her Norwegian accent was much stronger. “Go get it yourself.”

Anna hadn’t the slightest idea how to feel about this. This gesture of solidarity and defending her against someone like Hans almost brought her to tears, and would have if it weren’t for the thuggish jocks standing just a few feet away from her. But that was all washed away by a deep, piercing panic as Anna turned to gauge Hans’ reaction. His friends looked none too pleased, giving Elsa very dangerous looks, but Hans himself actually looked… impressed? Somehow, this didn’t soothe Anna’s nerves one bit.

“Wow, Finn,” Hans said as he looked to Anna in turn, his smarmy smile back in place. “Even your _girlfriend_ has bigger balls than you.”

The boys broke into laughter again, their glares replaced by jeering smiles. Anna rolled her eyes and turned away, taking Elsa by the hand and encouraging her along.

“Let’s just go,” she whispered under her breath, and thankfully, Elsa didn’t take much convincing.

The two walked towards the school in uneasy silence, both wanting to talk and neither willing to say anything. Anna was thankful for it, at least for a while. She couldn’t trust her emotions not to get the better of her just yet. Anna walked up to the door leading inside and opened it, letting Elsa in. She looked around at the crowd of kids milling through the halls, her eyes wide. Anna smiled to herself and took Elsa by the hand again, nodding ahead. She squeezed Elsa’s hand and walked her through the crowd.

“So,” Anna said, raising her voice a little to be heard over the murmur of kids. “You met Hans.”

Elsa stared up at her, confused, before realization dawned on her. She scowled. “Is that his name?”

“Mhm… star quarterback of our football team.” Anna gave a thin, bitter smile. “The school _loves_ him.”

“Why? He seems barbaric.”

Anna laughed. “Well, I should clarify, the school _administration_ loves him. Other than his lackeys, most of the student body hates him. Even the cheerleading team. Hell, _especially_ the cheerleading team.”

“If the other kids don’t like him, then why does the administration like him?”

“Because he wins us games and his father has most of them in his pocket.” Anna shrugged. “Politics, basically.”

Elsa frowned. “Aurora and Belle never told me about him.”

“They probably feel the same way about him as every other kid in this hellhole school.”

“ _Every_ kid?”

“If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that Hans Westerguard deserves a good punch to the face. Just nobody is willing to be the one to do it.”

“Why’s that?”

“Like I said,” Anna shrugged, giving Elsa a sarcastic smile. “Politics.”

Elsa’s frown deepened further but she didn’t say anything. Just as well, as they were approaching their destination. Anna stepped forward and opened the door, gesturing inside with a grand sweep of her arm.

“Miss Elsa, welcome to homeroom.”

* * *

 

Elsa stepped through the doorway and looked around.

There were maybe two dozen desks in the class, with just as many students. They all lounged in their chairs, talking animatedly with each other, some playing video games, and a very select few actually looking over their books and schedules. The teacher sat at a desk at the front of the class, leaning back in his chair, feet on the desk, and his attention occupied by a book.

Elsa turned to Finn in confusion. “Homeroom?”

Finn nodded, a casual nod, almost like a shrug. He walked in and let the door close behind him.

“Homeroom is, like, a free period before school starts, kinda. It only lasts about twelve minutes but you get a chance to relax, have some fun, or get some extra studying in before classes start. Or, uh… get a quick nap in if you’re really tired.”

“Ah,” Elsa said as she followed Finn’s gaze to one lone student in the way back, his head down on the desk and hood drawn. “I see.”

“C’mon,” Finn took her gently by the hand and led her across the room to the last couple rows of desks. Elsa noticed the others had claimed four of the desks towards the middle, with two in front of them empty. She waved to the girls as their attentions were brought to the front and smiled as they waved back.

“There you two are!” Kristoff claimed, rather loudly. A few exhausted-looking students looked over at him and glared, but he only glared back. “Took you guys long enough.”

“Yeah, thanks for ditching us,” Finn snapped back, and Elsa couldn’t help notice there was an actual edge to his voice. She frowned. Kristoff and Sven leaving him must’ve hurt him more than he let on.

“Sorry about that,” Sven said, sounding genuine. “What happened, though? Took the scenic route to homeroom?”

Finn’s scowl suddenly turned into a very proud smirk, and Elsa found herself mirroring his expression. “Actually, we had quite the diversion.”

The other four noticed the sudden change in mood in both of them and leaned forward. The interest was clear on their faces, and Elsa couldn’t decide who looked more eager to learn just what. The boys were eyeing Finn accusatorily, the girls looking to her with knowing smiles. She suddenly felt her face turn red, which just made their smiles grow wider, and she cursed her embarrassment.

“Well, what is it?” Kristoff asked. “Or are you just gonna keep us waiting all day like last time?”

“Last time?” Elsa asked, but Sven waved her down in a gesture that said _We’ll tell you later._

Finn seemed to think on it, a finger to his chin in thought, and as the seconds ticked by, Elsa could feel their friends’ impatience build. Finally, he opened his mouth, wide and dramatic, and—

The bell rang.

Elsa gasped and held her hands over her ears. It was loud, and made her whole body shake with the force of it. Everyone else barely seemed to react to it, although Elsa noticed quite a few kids looking annoyed, and the kid who was sleeping earlier startled in his chair. Elsa looked to Finn for an explanation and he winced, shrugged.

“Sorry, forgot to warn you about the bell. Those go off at the beginning and end of every period.”

“ _Every_ period?” she asked, the feeling of upcoming panic already pushing her to the edge. Finn nodded apologetically.

“Alright,” came the teacher’s voice once the ringing had ceased and the kids were awake enough. “Let’s begin roll call.”

“Dammit, Finn,” Kristoff whispered harshly. “You stalled on purpose.”

Finn turned around in his seat and gave Kristoff a look of mock offense, a hand on his chest as he mouthed _Me?_ Elsa couldn’t keep herself from giggling.

Roll call was quick and easy, the teacher calling out names and the students responding in varying tones of exhaustion and apathy. When it came to Elsa’s name, and she let out a timid, “Here,” the teacher seemed to frown, caught by surprise as he looked up from her name to where she sat at her desk. The rest of the class also looked to her, seeing a new face and hearing a name they weren’t familiar with.

“Oh, right,” the teacher muttered to himself before turning back to the sheet. “New student.”

And like that, he continued, as if nothing had happened. The rest of the class more or less continued as well, but Elsa could spy a few still looking at her out of the corner of their eyes. She could feel the panic begin to rise, closing in on her like thick dark walls, ringing in her ears. Her breath caught in her throat and—

She felt a hand gently squeezing hers.

Elsa looked down to see Finn holding her hand. He wasn’t looking at her, he was looking ahead at the teacher, but he must have pushed his desk close enough to hers to be able to discreetly hold her hand. She hadn’t even noticed.

The darkness started to clear and the room wasn’t as small as before. The panic edged back down to a quiet hum. Elsa squeezed Finn’s hand back and saw a small smile on his lips.

“Alright,” the teacher said after he was finished with roll call. “You all can rest, or study, or talk quietly, just so long as you behave. You need anything, like a hall pass, come talk to me. I’ll be right here.”

He sat back down at his desk and continued his book, and the rest of the class devolved into a steady murmur of voices.

“ _Are you okay, Elsa?_ ”

Elsa turned to see Finn watching her with his usual concern plain in his eyes. She smiled and nodded. “ _It just caught me by surprise. Are they all going to do that?_ ”

Finn thought about it, and shrugged. “ _A few of them likely will, not all of them. But if they do_ —”

Before he could finish, he was jabbed rather forcefully in the shoulder by Kristoff behind him. Finn scowled at him but Kristoff didn’t seem to notice.

“C’mon, Finn, tell us what happened?”

“God, you’re so obnoxious, you know that, right?”

“Tell us!”

Finn rolled his eyes, but the corner of his lips turned into a smile. “We ran into our buddy Hans.”

The look on Kristoff’s face turned from excitement to utter disgust. “Gross, then why the fuck are you smiling?”

“Oh shit,” Sven suddenly whispered, leaning into the conversation. “Did you say something to him?”

Finn smiled widely this time, biting his lower lip. “ _I_ wasn’t the one to say anything to him, no.”

The two boys stopped, clearly confused, before realization dawned on their faces and they turned to look at Elsa. Kristoff even narrowed his eyes, as if seeing her clearly for the first time. “ _Elsa?_ ”

Elsa felt her face grow red and the panic started to rise again. “I… I didn’t know who he was.”

_Not that it’d make a difference,_ she thought. She could still see, so vividly, that Hans boy’s smug little smile as Finn stood there with a red welt on his face, looking angry and defeated. It made her blood boil. She almost wished she had thrown the stupid football at his stupid face instead.

“Wait, what?” Aurora piped in, leaning over Kristoff’s shoulder. “Elsa did what now to Hans?”

“Hans Westerguard?” Belle suddenly said. She gave Elsa a look that spoke of both pride and shock.

“Jesus you guys, can you keep it down?” Finn snapped. Indeed, a few students started to peer over at the mention of the school bully. Finn turned so his back was to them and lowered his voice. “It was awesome, though. Hans was being his usual dick self and threw a football at me and when he asked for it back, Elsa straight up grabbed it and tossed it into the nearest garbage can! You should’ve seen the look on his face when she did it!”

The other four all looked stunned, expressions ranging from amazement to almost… terror? They all looked at her as if she had suddenly sprouted a second head. If that attention wasn’t enough, Finn’s attempt to be quiet wasn’t exactly foolproof, and Elsa caught quite a few students looking over at her and whispering to each other in vaguely shocked sounding voices. Her face rushed red with nervousness and the panic settled high at the bottom of her throat.

_Maybe I should have just done nothing._

When she looked at Finn, though, she could still see the red welt from where the football hit him and her anger returned, her convictions remaining true. Someone had to put that awful bully in his place, even if it was as petty as throwing his football into a garbage can.

“Whoa, Elsa,” Sven suddenly said in a breathy laugh. He raised his hand in a fist, and Elsa wasn’t sure exactly what was expected of her so she hesitantly mimicked his action. It seemed to suffice. “Nice going sticking it to the Prince.”

“But shit guys,” Belle whispered, lowering her voice. “What if he does something? Elsa’s new, don’t think for a second he and his dad aren’t gonna take advantage of that.”

“Yeah,” Kristoff said, suddenly grim. “Last new kid who stood up to Hans had to move states last I heard, thanks to Hans’ dad ‘making a few phone-calls’ so to speak.”

Oh. That’s… not at all troubling. Was the room spinning a little, or was it just her?

Her heart sunk to the depths of her stomach, never to return.

But something else caught her attention, and stamped down the anxiety for just a while. At the realization that Hans might try something with Elsa, Finn’s face turned to stone-cold anger, the sort of fiery determination she remembered seeing in his eyes when she walked in on him talking with her father. His lips pursed and his eyes hard, he spat, “That’s not gonna fucking happen. I won’t let Hans Westerguard pull any of his usual shit around Elsa.”

The swelling in her chest felt less like panicked beating and more like a strange sensation of warmth flooding her senses. Her face flushed, and now the room seemed to spin for a different reason.

Kristoff barked a laugh. “Yeah right, Finn, what are _you_ gonna do to Hans fucking Westerguard? Punch the money out of him?”

Finn shrugged, looking no less determined. “Maybe.”

At that moment, the conversation started to turn other topics, but Elsa couldn’t help shake the feeling of everyone’s eyes on her. It was daunting, almost claustrophobic, but she did her best to ignore it. Finn’s hand on her own helped center her, even as her thoughts screamed at her that this was wrong. What was she doing here. This wasn’t her. This wasn’t who her parents raised. And all around the classroom, she could see the other kids spy looks over at her. Did a few of them scoff when they caught her eye?

By the time the bell rang, Elsa felt positively sick.

“Where’s your next class?” Finn asked. Elsa jumped; she hadn’t even noticed him get closer in her panic. The concern returned to his eyes and he bit his lip. “ _Sorry, Elsa… are you okay? You look sick._ ”

Elsa pursed her lips and shook her head as she grabbed her bag. She felt Finn’s hand on her arm, as if to steady her, and she had to smile at that. “ _I’m not sick, I just… I wanna go home._ ”

Finn frowned. “ _I’m sorry… should I not have told them about Hans?_ ”

“ _No, it’s… well, maybe. I don’t know. Do you think he’ll really do something in retaliation?_ ”

Finn’s hardset look of determination returned and Elsa had to kind of marvel at it. “ _It doesn’t matter,_ ” he said as they walked out of the room. “ _I won’t let him._ ”

“ _I appreciate your conviction, Finn,_ ” Elsa said with a sad smile, and she really did. “ _But I come from a family with connections and money. This isn’t something that can blow over so easily, and you wouldn’t be able to do anything if his father tried anything. My father might even agree with his father._ ”

Finn seemed to get even more stubbornly determined at that. “ _We’ll see… I won’t let Hans try any funny business with you, I promise._ ”

Elsa shook her head but knew she could not argue him on this point. And really, she was… quite flattered? There was an odd stirring in her stomach at the way Finn positioned himself between her and Hans. There was no real showboating that she could see, he was really genuine about his desire to protect her from the bully.

_Then again, what if it is showboating? What if he's just trying to get on your good side?_

Elsa looked over to Finn and found she just couldn't believe it.

After Elsa told Finn her class, he walked her down the hall over to the classroom. He navigated the hall with practice and precision, and Elsa was grateful for the tight clasp of their hands because she otherwise would've been lost and swallowed up by the crowd of students. It was all so daunting and foreign to her. It was worse than simply moving to America, worse than the weird misplacement of living in a house that didn’t feel like home. There were so many kids, all laughing and shouting at each other, jostling each other for space or for… fun? Elsa felt her own space tightly constricted, lessening the more she stayed in these halls. She hated it. She wished she could run away from it all.

But soon enough, they stopped in front of a door, and that thought vanished.

“Here you are, Miss Elsa.” Finn said with a flourish. “AP English Literature, with Mrs. Potts.”

Elsa looked up at the door with trepidation. Her legs were shaking.

“ _Would you like me to walk in with you and introduce you to the teacher?_ ”

Elsa looked into Finn's kind eyes. She took a deep breath and nodded. “ _Yes, please._ ”

Finn smiled and opened the door for her. Elsa swallowed and took her first few trembling steps into the classroom. The students all looked up to see who it was, and about half of them stared as they realized Elsa was a new student.

There was an older, slightly portly woman with greying hair sitting at the desk. She looked up as Elsa and Finn approached her desk and smiled brightly.

“Oh, Finn, it's good to see you! How was your summer?”

“It was good, Mrs. Potts, thank you.”

“Who is this lovely young woman?”

Elsa felt her face blush a hot red and immediately looked down to her feet, clutching her books tighter to her chest. She could hear a few kids chuckling to themselves and the red hot embarrassment flooded her face to the tips of her ears.

“This is Elsa Vollan. She's a new student here; just moved in from Norway.”

“Oh, fantastic! Well, welcome to Arendelle High, Miss Elsa. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time here.”

Elsa looked up into Mrs. Potts’ bright and smiling face and found herself smiling back. The woman sure seemed nice enough. “Thank you, Mrs. Potts.” She responded, her voice a slight nervous tremble.

Finn’s hand brushed against her arm and she turned to look at him. “ _I gotta go. But we'll see each other again at break. Promise._ ”

Elsa felt the anxiety return, even as she knew there was nothing either of them could do. She merely nodded, keeping her hands clasped around her books as she stayed under the watchful eyes of her classmates. “ _Okay, I'll talk to Aurora and Belle._ ” _I really need a cell phone,_ she thought to herself. _Maybe I can try to convince Papa to get me one._

Finn nodded, offering her a kind smile before turning back to the teacher. “See you around, Mrs. Potts!”

“I'll be seeing you, Finn, have a good first period!”

“You, too! See you, Elsa.”

“Bye, Finn.”

As Finn turned to leave, a couple girls in the front row waved at him. “Hey, Finn,” they said with wide, giggling smiles. He waved back, smiling a more polite and subdued smile. Elsa couldn't help the jealous twinge she felt coiling in her stomach.

“Okay, Elsa,” said Mrs. Potts, turning her attention away from the giggling girls. “Go ahead and sit in the third seat there by the window.”

Elsa looked around the classroom. Sure enough, there was one empty desk in the middle of the rightmost column of seats, with a perfect view out into the sports fields. The whole classroom was watching her now, their eyes following her as she took the empty desk. There was a teen boy sitting next to her, wearing a black shirt and his white cap on backwards. He watched her with a look of indifference and merely nodded his head at her when she smiled. Elsa sighed as she set her books down.

_Okay, this is… alright. I can do this._

“Hey.”

Elsa looked up from the desk. The boy in front of her had leaned over to face her. His shirt had some funny cartoon characters on it.

“Um, yes?”

“Your name’s Elsa? My name’s Danny.” He held out his hand for her to shake.

Elsa gave a small smile and politely shook his hand. “Nice to meet you, Danny.”

“You’re the one who threw Hans Westergaurd’s football in the trash can, yeah?”

Elsa blanched. She felt several pairs of eyes turn to stare at her, including the boy next to her, who now seemed to regard her with more interest. The room spun drastically and she swallowed harshly to keep a sob from bubbling up.

“I, um… I didn’t know who he was.” _How did that spread so quickly? Does this Danny know somebody who is friends with Hans? Was it somebody from homeroom?_

“Why’d you do it, though?”

Elsa swallowed again and shook her head. “He was being mean to somebody.”

“It was Finn Solberg, huh?” Elsa blinked in surprise, and Danny smiled, as if that confirmed it. “So you're Norwegian? Like Finn?”

_Is Finn popular here?_ “Yes, I'm from Norway.”

“So like… do you understand English very well?”

Elsa raised an eyebrow. The kid sitting next to the boy chuckled to himself. There was a groan from behind her and Elsa heard a girl speak up in a harsh whisper. “Obviously she speaks English, Danny, you trying to be stupid?”

Danny scowled darkly. “Fuck off, Cassidy, nobody asked you.”

“Nobody asked you, either. Leave the new girl alone.”

Danny rolled his eyes and ignored her as he turned back to Elsa, clearly having more to say. She felt her body trembling, her fingers digging into the wood of her desk. She really just wanted him to leave her alone.

“So, you and Finn a thing? Like, you fucking?”

Elsa felt her heart explode.

“Jesus Christ, Danny,” the boy in the white cap hissed at him. His voice was muffled as Elsa's blood pumped hard in her ears. “Just leave her the fuck alone.”

“What do you care for? You want some of that, too, or something?”

“Mr. Smith, what is going on over here?” Mrs. Potts. had finally noticed the commotion and came over. She gave Danny a stern stare. “What trouble are you causing this time, young man?”

“Danny’s harassing Elsa, Mrs. Potts.”

“Geez Cassidy, learn to mind your own business.”

“Mr. Harrison, how about you switch seats with Mr. Smith, so he doesn't cause any more trouble.”

Danny scowled but took his books and bag and moved to the other side of the room, sulking the whole while. A dark-skinned boy in a red shirt and jeans took his seat, giving Elsa a small wave before he sat down. She would have waved back if her body hadn’t become frozen stiff.

“Don't worry about Danny,” the girl Cassidy said softly to her. Elsa turned to look at her and felt her face flush again. She was very pretty, with her brown hair pulled back and bright loud freckles like Finn’s. Her green eyes twinkled and Elsa had to avert her own eyes. “He's all bark and no bite. You just gotta give him shit back and he'll sulk away with his tail between his legs.”

The boy in the white cap nodded, as if to confirm. Elsa wanted to thank them for standing up for her, to ask them how Danny knew Finn, or how anybody knew about the thing with Hans, but her throat had constricted, making it hard to do anything more than breathe. She nodded jerkily and turned back around as the bell rang and Mrs. Potts began the class. She tried to focus on her words and nothing else, her eyes watching her move in front of the whiteboard. She tried to ignore the panicked pounding of her heart, the hot prickling feeling of tears at the corner of her eyes.

“The new girl stood up to Hans Westerguard?” she heard somebody whisper.

“Yeah, guess she didn’t know any better.”

“I saw her with Finn Solberg, they were holding hands.”

Elsa swallowed thickly. She wanted to be home, and not her weird new American house. She wanted to be _home,_ back in Norway, with the family. Wandering the streets of Oslo and finding a nice quiet place to read a book. Learning in the comforts of her own home, with the tutor and the smell of Gerda’s cooking thick in the air.

Elsa spent the rest of first period wishing herself anywhere but Arendelle High.


End file.
